Do you light the menorah?

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 8:38 am

NechaMom wrote:

No
I guess for the same reason I don’t make kiddush or havdala or do bedikas chometz either.
I have lit when I was single though.

Isnt this something that everyone in the family does, not just the husband? By us its always a family affair

amother

Aster

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 8:40 am

I do. Husband lights outside. I light by the window inside. I always lit when single, a d we've had this arrangement ever since we got married.

grace413

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 8:41 am

Yes, especially as my DH is not with me for Chanukah. But I would light even if he was here.

mha3484

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 8:49 am

No. My husband lights for both of us but my little girl lights her own and we encourage it.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 9:12 am

No because I don't have to. I would if there was no one else to light. I did as a kid & so does my dd now.

chanar

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 9:21 am

No! I lit until I was Bas Mitzva…
If I had girls they’d do the same.. but we’re a boy family..

NechaMom

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 9:34 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Isnt this something that everyone in the family does, not just the husband? By us its always a family affair

My husband makes the bracha and holds the candle and does the checking.
Do you do all that too?

iluvy

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 9:35 am

I don't light but my girls all do. Especially my bas mitzvah girl! What is the source for *stopping* when you become bas mitzvah? That is when you become mechuyav in the mitzvah! There is no difference between girls and boys for this.

I try to be active in the mitzvah in other ways such as setting up and cleaning up, similar to what my husband does for Shabbos candles.

amother

Peachpuff

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 9:36 am

I lit until I got married. My daughters also light.

The year my DH was too sick to light for us and I had to light was the worst Chanukah of my life. BH, the following year my DH was well again and lit his menorah. BH! BH! It was so emotional!

amother

Gray

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:13 am

I like the idea of one menorah per family. I think it makes sense and looks a lot nicer than having a whole bunch of little menorahs. Having many menorahs seems excessive to me. It also causes more of a hazard with the fire. My husband does the actually lighting of the menorah. The whole family sings and makes the Brachos together.

amother

Wine

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 10:16 am

I used to once upon a time but got sick and tired of being the only one cleaning and setting up the works. This being so, I reverted to spectating and having just the one menorah to set up and clean. I'm highly tempted to do the surrendered wife thing and leave the menorah as is until next year and present dh with a dirty menorah just to see what he does, but as his tolerance for disorder is way higher than mine, the one who would suffer is me. Besides which it would be a bizayon to light with last year's drippings all over it.

shabbatiscoming

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 11:21 am

NechaMom wrote:

My husband makes the bracha and holds the candle and does the checking.
Do you do all that too?

We each say the bracha before and after. We each hold a flashlight and all do the checking. We did the same when I aas growing up.

BrisketBoss

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 11:41 am

amother Gray wrote:

Disagree. I love looking at a bunch of different menorahs on a table together. A single menorah for a big family would seem spartan to my eyes.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 11:54 am

amother Gray wrote:

You say excessive and some rabbanim hold its the most mehadrin way to do this mitzvah.

#BestBubby

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 11:58 am

I lit till I was married.

But my DD only lit till she was 8 because my DH told her it may be brocha levatolah. He gave her a little gift for agreeing to stop.

LovesHashem

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 12:26 pm

#BestBubby wrote:

I lit till I was married.

But my DD only lit till she was 8 because my DH told her it may be brocha levatolah. He gave her a little gift for agreeing to stop.

Of course it's not a bracha livatala! He should of asked a Rav. Just like everyone can make their own kiddush or havdalah no issues. We all have a chiyuv to do so, but we can also just have someone else do it and they have us in mind.

amother

Hydrangea

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 12:37 pm

Everyone in the family does.

We also split who makes kiddush and who makes motzi at the seudah, since we all have equal chiyuv.

#BestBubby

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 12:37 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

His Rov holds differently.

amother

Bergamot

Wed, Dec 21 2022, 12:37 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

A woman is not mechuyav in these mitzvos, so making a bracha on it can be a bracha levatala.
(Not saying that's what everyone holds, but that's what some hold, and in that case, "of course it's not" is wrong.)