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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
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amother
OP
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 Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:05 am
I'm standing there at the supermarket checkout line, waiting to pay. My kids are home alone and the oldest two are preteen girls, capable of holding down the fort, but not for long periods of time. In front of me is a little frum girl paying for her groceries. Her coat is clearly labeled with the brand of coats they give for free to kollel families. She is buying a few basics, just eggs, some leben and couscous. She pays with a pre-paid chessed card of sorts. She is short 7 shekels and 80 agurot. She pulls out 7 shekels. The checkout girl says she is still short 80 agurot. She is silent for a bit (she's really young, like first or second grade) and she says "can I go home and bring back the money?" and I'm just really in a hurry, so I pull out the 80 agurot to pay the tab and say "yallah, it's fine". The little girl paused and then took her groceries and left.
The checkout girl says "Not everyone would have done what you did". My phone starts to ring with my kids calling. I say "I'm no tzadkes, I'm just in a hurry". But as I left the store, I kind of started to think, what if the girls parents are embarrassed when she tells them the story. Did I do the right thing? What right do I have to give tzedaka to a child without the parent's permission? Even if they are clearly already taking tzedaka, I still don't know if I did the right thing. 80 agurot is a very small sum of money. But I'm still wondering if there was better way to have dealt with this? Like just let the little girl be embarassed at the checkout? Or tell her my info so she could pay me back? Those also sound like lousy options. What would you have done?
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imaima
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:07 am
I would have done the same and frankly, your kids need you at home too.
I don’t see the big deal.
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amother
Apple
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:09 am
would not overthink it
would have done the same thing
nice and practical thing to do
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WitchKitty
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:09 am
You would do the same if it was a rich kid who was missing money. It's less than a shekel.
People are nice here. The parents aren't going to think too much into it.
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DrMom
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:13 am
80 agurot? I'd pay that just to get the line moving.
Plus, here you also did a mitzvah.
Why overthink it?
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dankbar
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:14 am
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How much is 80 agurot? that some cents it's not even a dollar, right? You were very nice, and I don't think parent will feel badly about it. Tiske lmitzvos..
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SuperWify
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:18 am
Of course I’d pay, even if she was wearing a designer coat.
(Unpopular opinion-the store is dumb about making problems on such a small amount.)
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amother
OP
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:18 am
I'm a classic overthinker.  I know I did what most people would have done just to get home quicker. Whether she's rich or poor, I just don't want to embarrass her parents, that's all. In all likeliness, though, she probably didn't even tell her parents.
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amother
Forsythia
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:19 am
Agree with above. If someone rich or poor was short a shekel or two or a dollar or two, I'd just give it to them with a smile. It's a mentchlich thing that I hope someone would do for me if I was in that position.
It is not at all like sponsoring their entire grocery order (which would be a very generous thing to do but might make the recipient uncomfortable depending on the situation).
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dankbar
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:21 am
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I googled conversion to USD, that would make about a quarter or even less. The store might not even have let her taken the the stuff and then she would've still had to make three trips, back home, get the money, back to store and back home, maybe with hungry kids waiting for the food at home. You did the right thing, and it's a small amount, not like you had to shell out hundreds here. If the family is used to taking tzedaka then I don't think it's a big deal for them.
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twizzlers1
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:25 am
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I've done it more than once. And I probably would have paid more than that if it was missing. I've just had them at it to my credit card and tell them to take the item with them. I can't imagine anyone would be embarrassed. We can afford groceries but you know what if I set my kid with only cash it's possible they'd be missing a little bit and I'd be so happy if somebody else save them a whole trip back to the store. It is real I think this is very normal regardless of economic standing.
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Jewishmom8
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:26 am
you did the right thing
of course!
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dankbar
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:26 am
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Even if she does tell, you're anon, it's not like she knows who this random lady is, to know to be embarrassed from you now. It's also a typical scenario, missing a few cents, not enough to think someone like that is dirt poor.
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Bnei Berak 10
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 5:54 am
| SuperWify wrote: | Of course I’d pay, even if she was wearing a designer coat.
(Unpopular opinion-the store is dumb about making problems on such a small amount.) |
The thing is that the cashier loads his register with a certain amount if money. The sales of that register is then checked in end of day. If your forego any amount it will show.
80 agorot is really negligable I agree 
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singleagain
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 8:12 am
| SuperWify wrote: | Of course I’d pay, even if she was wearing a designer coat.
(Unpopular opinion-the store is dumb about making problems on such a small amount.) |
The register won't move on unless the transaction is cleared or put on hold. And most cashier's don't have the authority (or knowledge) to decide to discount some item just bc someone is in need. For that you need to bring over the manager.. which might have been more embarrassing for the little girl.
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amother
Vanilla
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 8:26 am
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Totally not understanding this post. You gave someone 80 agurot?? Literally no one in the world would be embarrassed not having that. It means they don’t have exact change. This seems so silly to me, sorry. Is the point of this post to tell us that you gave tzedaka? In that case, great! But no one, rich or poor, would hesitate to give someone 80 agurot, and no one, rich or poor, would hesitate to take it.
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BH Yom Yom
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 8:36 am
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You definitely did the right thing, OP. Tizki l’mitzvos!
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Chayalle
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 8:39 am
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I don't think that amount is emabarrassing. And what the parents can (and likely will) do is, pay it forward. They can put 80 agurot into their pushka, and voila, it became tzedaka they are giving.
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a2z
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 8:45 am
| Chayalle wrote: | | I don't think that amount is emabarrassing. And what the parents can (and likely will) do is, pay it forward. They can put 80 agurot into their pushka, and voila, it became tzedaka they are giving. |
Exactly
That is only if she tells
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amother
Ivory
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Tue, Dec 27 2022, 8:51 am
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My kid went to a place where you needed coins to buy animal food and I didn’t have change on me. A frum woman saw me searching for change and felt bad for my kids. She walked over to my kids and handed them change and said here go buy food. It’s just what we do for each other. I didn’t look poor, sometimes we don’t have change and people help out. I don’t think you need to overthink this.
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