How to set boundaries with my neighbors

amother

Sun, Apr 09 2023, 1:00 am

I live in a neighborhood with few frum neighbors. One family is starting to irritate me because the parents won't discipline their kids. I get setting limits for kids is hard but it's becoming a health concern. They always drop by without checking if we're okay to have guests, and one time even staying in my house after I told them my child is sick. When my kids finally got over their cold, this family came by, now also sick. I didn't make a big deal about it because I figured it's the same cold we just had but it's rude.
During the chag one of my kids spilled small dangerous pieces into the playroom. I told the mom when they came in that this room is off limits. Ten minutes later, they went into that room to play... I reminded them about the danger but it took them a while to leave.
I wonder what condition my house must be in for them to stay away?
I don't have anything against them in particular. We're friendly and our kids play together sometimes.
I pity the mom because her husband is somewhat sick, her older kids are bums (they don't do chores and mess up her house), and her younger kids show signs of neglect (poor hygiene).
I think some of these problems are cultural, we're European/ Israeli and they're American. Maybe she's somewhat depressed because she says she's tired of telling the kids 'no'. That's why I've never outright told them to just leave.
I'd like to help them become more functional somehow without compromising on our own comfort. Any suggestions?

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Apr 09 2023, 1:09 am

I live in the US and I do have some neighbors that have a hard time with boundaries. When they knock on my door, I will tell them if it’s not a good time to come. If they come inside anyway, I will insist that they leave. If they refuse, I will threaten to call their parent and say they will not be able to come to my house next time. That has always worked for me but if it didn’t I would call their parent.

If they don’t listen to me, like your example with the room that was off limits, I tell them it’s time to leave. After a few times of this they either learn to listen to me or they stop coming over.

I can’t have kids over if it doesn’t work for me. And kids who don’t respect boundaries aren’t good friends for my kids.

nelliesmellie

Sun, Apr 09 2023, 8:18 am

Sounds like their family is having a hard time keeping it together- maybe your house represents stability for them? Have you spoken to thr parents? And I’m not sure why you think poor hygiene and crossing boundaries is an American thing… something is clearly wrong here and the kids seem to be reaching out to your family for thr stability that they need. Maybe ask mom if you can get more involved (letting them shower in your home, doing their laundry so that they have clean clothes), and if you aren’t willing, get a chessed org involved.