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amother
Maize
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 Mon, Apr 24 2023, 6:21 pm
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amother
Bergamot
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Mon, Apr 24 2023, 6:31 pm
| PinkFridge wrote: | | Actually, they might date a little less, and while they see/talk to each other, it might be only twice a month, tachlis-focused. |
If tachlis focused you mean talking about how much she loved the gifts, which musician is going to be at the wedding, or how she is decorating the apartment, or updates from yeshiva, then yeah. There isn't much tachlis talk ongoing during the engagement on a general basis.
I watch some kallahs trying to get a glimpse of their chossons at mechitzahs during the wedding, or watching them come and go to shul on Shabbos/YT - that's the extent they see each other during the engagement. The engagement is also a long period - avg 6-8 months. Thats many weeks with no interaction other then a phone call at a pre-scheduled time. It doesn't provide much to have the heart grow fonder or create personal connections.
This does not apply to all chassidishe groups, but it applies to many of them.
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miami85
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Mon, Apr 24 2023, 8:06 pm
| amother Bergamot wrote: | If tachlis focused you mean talking about how much she loved the gifts, which musician is going to be at the wedding, or how she is decorating the apartment, or updates from yeshiva, then yeah. There isn't much tachlis talk ongoing during the engagement on a general basis.
I watch some kallahs trying to get a glimpse of their chossons at mechitzahs during the wedding, or watching them come and go to shul on Shabbos/YT - that's the extent they see each other during the engagement. The engagement is also a long period - avg 6-8 months. Thats many weeks with no interaction other then a phone call at a pre-scheduled time. It doesn't provide much to have the heart grow fonder or create personal connections.
This does not apply to all chassidishe groups, but it applies to many of them. |
But they date before the engagement in enough different situations that they feel and make that decision on their own terms. They get to speak to dating coaches/mentors/friends and other confidents to process what they are thinking, feeling etc to make an informed decision for themselves rather than parents making that decision. When I got engaged I could probably pick out my chosson walking from down the block, not "oh I think I have his picture somewhere"
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amother
Ivory
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Sun, Apr 30 2023, 10:58 am
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Not every topic needs an asifa.
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LovesHashem
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Sun, Apr 30 2023, 11:04 am
Nope. It's definitely the solution to every problem klal Yisroel has ever faced.
/sarcasm
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amother
Bergamot
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Sun, Apr 30 2023, 11:19 am
| miami85 wrote: | | But they date before the engagement in enough different situations that they feel and make that decision on their own terms. They get to speak to dating coaches/mentors/friends and other confidents to process what they are thinking, feeling etc to make an informed decision for themselves rather than parents making that decision. When I got engaged I could probably pick out my chosson walking from down the block, not "oh I think I have his picture somewhere" |
My comment was specific to select chassidish groups. Sounds like you're talking about yeshivish?
Chassidim dont date before the engagement. From when they meet the boy till they're engaged is usually a mere few days. That isnt much time for any exploration.
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