relying on others favors.

Seraph

Tue, Jun 24 2008, 12:37 pm

in israel, in my area, its perfectly normal to hitchhike. You wait at the side of the road, and people may or may not stop by to pick you up and give you a ride if they're heading in your direction anyhow.
I hitchhike every day with my 9 month old son in a car seat.
Many people stop to pick me up, then afterwards confess that they stopped to pick me up bec they felt bad for my baby.
I hold up a sign saying I'm headed to KY, which is in the same general area as TZ, where I live. People in TZ arent so much a part of the hitchhiking culture, and most dont have cars, so they dont often give rides to people headed there.

So I hold up a sign to KY, perfectly willing to get off in KY and make the long trek with my baby, home to TZ.

Of course, most people, once they hear I'm headed to tz, wont let me walk all the way there, and insist on driving me either to the entrance of tz or even directly to my house bec they have rachmanus on me carrying the baby and car seat.

So this is my day. I'm constantly relying on the favors of strangers. And I feel I'm taking advantage of them. Bec not only are they stopping when they wouldnt have otherwise, they end up going out of their way to make it easier for me.
Is it wrong to rely on others for favors like that? Am I "using" people?
What would you do in my situation?

RachelEve14

Tue, Jun 24 2008, 1:24 pm

Well as a driver I'll put in my .02

A lot of times I can't pick people up, I feel bad, but I'm too rushed to get somewhere, and I just can't stop 2x, once to pick them up and then to drop them off. But, on the times I do pick them up, it's because I want to. It's an easy mitzva for me, and I usually try to bring them exactly where they need. If I picked up the person in the first place, it means I had the time to do the mitzva that day. So maybe try to reframe it a bit. Instead of slowing someone down or being a burden, you are giving them the opportunity to do a mitzvah. And as the driver, I can tell you really it's a pleasuer to pick people up and if I took you to your yishuv or to your house, it's because I wanted to.

Happy Tremping Smile

Marion

Tue, Jun 24 2008, 2:58 pm

Also as the driver...

I happily pick up people, if I have space. I have 2 carseats, and even if they're empty, they take up seats. I wouldn't be able to pick you up, for example, because I just don't have room for a 3rd carseat (although you'd be welcome to put Uriel in one of mine and dump yours in the trunk).

If someone stops for you, just remember to say thank you. Then you're already not taking advantage. OTOH, if you know ahead of time you need to go off the yishuv, maybe try to set up a ride (if possible).

Aidelmom

Tue, Jun 24 2008, 3:31 pm

You do what you gotta do. (I'm nervous about the safety issue though, I've read horror stories) As far as the favor is concerned I agree w/ the poster who said you're giving them an opportunity to do a mitzva. It makes a person feel so good and happy to do s/t for s/o else. I used to feel so guilty when I didn't pick s/o up. When you're driving I don't think its so difficult to go a bit out of the way or stop. I don't think its nice of s/o to say they only picked you up cause they felt bad for the baby. They should have kept that to themselves. I think they have s/t to learn about doing chesed. hope I'm not coming on to strong. so no I don't think you're using people. Hope it all works out!

Tamiri

Tue, Jun 24 2008, 3:45 pm

Breslov, did you see the movie "Pay it Forward"? It's old, but the jist of it is we have to pass on favors which people do for us, we can't just return them to the one who did it for us.
When I was a morah chayelet a million years ago, and hitching was allowed for soldiers back then, people many times went way off their path to get me where I need to be. And so, I made a little "neder" that when I have a car, I will "pay it forward".
And so it is. When I can, I pick people up and try to get them as close as possible to their destination. While I won't take a baby in a car seat because my own takes up too much of the back seat, I do my best for everyone else and especially pg women. It's my mitzva and pleasure, and I am sure the other drivers feel the same way.
Just keep in mind to pay it forward in whatever way you can, which I am sure you already do.

Mimisinger

Tue, Jun 24 2008, 5:19 pm

First of all kol hakavod for havnig your baby in a carseat, I can't stand it when people don't put babies in car seats esp. in Israel with those crazy drivers.

When I tremped (we lived in the gush) people definitely did not do what they didn't want to do. I have my share of stories of weird rides, and every one is an experience. Enjoy and as someone else said, pay it forward and continue to bring your car seat!

Strudel

Tue, Jun 24 2008, 6:11 pm

I rely a lot on others giving me lifts, as I don't drive. People are happy to help. Where I live is very car focused (with an awful bus service). Most yidden here would'nt dream of taking the bus, it's just not done here. As another Imamother said, they choose to stop or not.

Think of it this way, you've giving them the chance to do a mitzvah!

Ima2

Fri, Jul 04 2008, 8:37 am

I agree with everyone else, and as I do not live in Israel I may have a different take on it. But I think that if you are in need of a ride, as pple are when they are hitchhiking, then it's a mitzva, but if you are constantly doing that, I feel that you are using pple who are able to have a car in E"Y. Not everyone can b/c it's so expensive, and most pple don't, but then it's their responsibility to pay for a bus ride or cab or something. If you are that poor that you can't afford a bus/cab ride, then it may very well be a mitzvah to help someone out. But if you can afford it, and I think that it's everyone's responsibility to try to afford their lifestyle, then I think that you're mooching off of other pple's money.

Bambamama

Sat, Jul 05 2008, 3:04 pm

I'll tell you my experience. First of all, I believe you are doing nothing wrong... like others said, if people want to stop they'll stop. If they don't they won't. And if they stop and are nasty about it, their loss... they lose points on a mitzvah.

HOWEVER (and I know nothing of your financial situation), at a time when we had very little money, we made it a priority to have a car because we just had a baby and thought it was the responsible thing to do. We would have found it very difficult to have to rely on others.

Now what annoyed me was that we had friends who definitely had more money, a large house, nice things... who decided not to have a car to save $$. So basically we became their (free) personal car service when they needed rides.

One suggestion is if you have any regulars you take rides from, offer to chip in on gas.

Last edited by Bambamama on Thu, Jul 23 2009, 1:50 pm; edited 1 time in total

freidasima

Sat, Jul 05 2008, 3:49 pm

As a driver I agree with Bambamama...if you have regulars then at least give them some kind of gift even if you don't chip in for the gas...dh would give someone a lift regularly and for rosh hashana we got a lovely bottle of something from them...it was not expected but it was a lovely hakoras hatov...