S/O I don’t mind if your bedroom/house is messy

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 6:56 pm

Duh!
Why should a guest mind?
Obviously it’s the hostess who minds and is embarrassed to have people see her mess so if she’s uncomfortable with you coming into her messy space it’s socially inappropriate to say “but I don’t mind!”
Thanks for listening!
Banging head

NechaMom

Sun, May 07 2023, 6:58 pm

Agree!

zaq

Sun, May 07 2023, 7:04 pm

Totally!

amother

Lightyellow

Sun, May 07 2023, 7:09 pm

I feel for the op of that thread but as far as the hosts there probably wasn’t a better option and doesn’t sound very enjoyable for anyone
First baby can be a really steep learning curve
Hugs and hatzlocha

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 7:11 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

I feel for the opnof thst thread but as far as the hosts there probably wasn’t a better option and doesn’t sound very enjoyable for anyone
First baby can be a really steep learning curve
Hugs and hatzlocha

Let’s leave that discussion on that thread.
I’m talking about this specific line I often hear. A potential guest says “I don’t mind your mess.” Don’t people think that the hostess does mind and gets embarrassed when people see her mess?

amother

Periwinkle

Sun, May 07 2023, 7:21 pm

Only the guest has rights.
Are you new here?

amother

Iris

Sun, May 07 2023, 7:24 pm

I appreciate if a guest says "I don't mind."

Some people are grossed out by mess and won't want to eat my food (because if my living room can get this messy, obviously I don't wash my hands before I cook).

Some people are insulted because obviously I don't care about you enough to clean up before you came.

An "I don't mind" means that you understand how busy households work and don't take the mess personally.

lamplighter

Sun, May 07 2023, 8:39 pm

I don't mind is just a line. I don't think it indicates that they really don't mind and won't judge..

I'm going to agree with OP. If someone says they don't want x because the room is messy, they are putting up a boundary. Respect it.

zaq

Sun, May 07 2023, 9:35 pm

In any case, "the room is a mess" could be a convenient euphemism for "my s*x toys are piled on the dresser and goodness only knows where I left my copy of the Kama Sutra (NOT to be confused with the Baba Kama, lehavdil elef alfei havdalot)."

shanie5

Mon, May 08 2023, 9:11 pm

The best response I got when I apologized to someone for the mess:
"Son and Dil had a neat house for 10 years, then BH they finally had children and their house is not so neat. Boruch Hashem for the mess!"
I stopped apologizing for messiness after that.

mommy3b2c

Mon, May 08 2023, 9:19 pm

I agree with you except for the fact that some people do mind when the hosts house is messy. I don’t go to some peoples houses anymore because of their messy house . If they want to get together , I invite them to me .

amother

Brunette

Mon, May 08 2023, 9:35 pm

There's a difference between saying "I don't mind the mess" when someone says or implies that you're not invited because of the mess and saying it when you are invited but the host doesn't feel good about it.

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