Is this to blame? | Imamother

amother

Wed, May 24 2023, 12:27 am

I’m having concerns about my toddler in a few ways. One thing that I need to get off my chest is that when toddler was four weeks old, my then toddler hit baby over the head with a toy. And I haven’t forgiven myself since. It brings up so much anxiety and questions. Could this have caused issues that are concerning me now? I need reassurance, tell me honestly if you think this could have caused any issues. Whenever I think about this I can’t stop crying. Baby was taken care of perfectly in all ways, there was no way to see toddler come over with the toy, like it happened so fast. Is my concern real or not necessary?

amother

Oleander

Wed, May 24 2023, 12:37 am

1) Very unlikely. A toddler hitting the baby over the head is not the kind of thing that generally leads to serious brain injuries.

2) If it was a very serious injury you probably would have seen pretty obvious symptoms at the time which you would have sought and received treatment for.

3) Even if it was a very serious injury, odds would be for the baby to recover fully.

4) Whatever challenges your toddler has are from Hashem. They were tailor-made for them to face, grow from, and surmount. If indeed they stem from this incident it means that had this incident not taken place, something else would have caused it.

5) Although as parents we have a strong tendency to blame ourselves, it is usually unproductive and wrong. You did your best, you are the perfect parent for your children, and the outcome is in Hashem's hands, not yours.

Wishing you strength.

amother

Cinnamon

Wed, May 24 2023, 1:32 am

I agree with amother above and want to add
You didn't mention the symptoms you are worried about but if there had been damage from early on, the symptoms would have appeared immediately not a couple years down the line.

One of my kids had a concussion when 4 mths old (pulled himself to standing and fell sideways) was in hospital for a week. He's now 11 and bH no side effects. Could I have seen it coming? No, I never expected a kid that age to try to stand up. Could I have prevented? No. Is it my fault? No.

Could you have prevented this? No. Could you have seen it coming? No. Is it your fault? No.

the world's best mom

Wed, May 24 2023, 6:39 am

I just want to repeat: this was not your fault, and also, your baby's issues almost definitely have nothing to do with getting knocked on the head as a baby.

amother

Wed, May 24 2023, 11:56 am

Thank you for the responses. I guess that didn’t make the most terrible mom. I was also going through postpartum anxiety and depression and this definitely made things worse.