What is an unnecessary expense for a wedding?

amother

Navyblue

Thu, May 25 2023, 3:33 am

Yes, another vote for those ridiculous hoodies - I know they are useful for when having makeup put on, and the morning of the wedding. But I'm sure you have countless other hoodies in your cupboard.

That sign the says "Mr & Mrs new Surname" that the choson and kallah run in to the dinner and run through to announce their arrival, tearing the sign - ridiculous.

Benchers - I think most of us agree on that one.

Food at the mitzva tanz - drinks fine. But food again, seriously?!

essie14

Thu, May 25 2023, 3:38 am

My hall included silk flower centerpieces in the price. They were beautiful and fresh flowers were not necessary at all. My bouquet was fresh flowers.

Wine on every table was also included and we did not pay for additional alcohol (we could have added a full bar if we wanted) don't think it's necessary.

I priced out several bands and chose a less expensive one. DH and I both wanted a band and not a DJ or 1 man band.

Videogapher was definitely a necessity. He made us a highlight clip that we shared with everyone who couldn't come and it was very special. I watch it all the time and still share it years later. And we watch our full wedding video at least once a year. My DD loves it.

I did spend a lot on my dress but I wanted it to be brand new and perfect. DH and I also paid for our entire wedding ourselves so I felt like I was entitled to spend what I wanted.

We didn't do any yichud room gifts. Neither of us wanted it and we think it's dumb.

Didn't need a dresser. I had 2 friends who were with me all day and helped with whatever I needed.

We had very inexpensive bentchers but were left with a lot, I see now that people don't take anymore and wouldn't do that again.

Our family members all bought their own clothes so I have no idea what anyone spent and don't consider it a wedding expense.

ETA: we did evites, cost $0

Last edited by essie14 on Thu, May 25 2023, 6:13 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cappuccino

Thu, May 25 2023, 4:02 am

amother Hyssop wrote:

My mother's friend came to help me.

When I got married, two of my mother's good friends were in aveilus and couldn't come to the wedding. Instead, they picked us up in the morning and brought us to the hall and kept us company and took a million pictures and helped out with whatever was needed. They were so fun and useful to have around and I can't imagine having a stranger instead. They left just as the wedding was starting and by the time my parents got home they had developed all the film (giving away my age here) and left the pictures for my family to enjoy.

I performed a similar service when my best friend's younger sister got married. I picked up the kallah, my friend, and their mom and brought them to the hall. I took care of whatever little things needed to be done while they were getting ready and then ran home to get dressed myself while they took pictures beforehand and got back just in time for the shmorg.

amother

Whitewash

Thu, May 25 2023, 4:16 am

I married off 3 children kah

Always had:
1 man band
1 man/woman photographer (no videos)
Flowers came with the hall
Kallah gown got new from gemach for $250
My dress bought second hand for $300 and wore to all 3 weddings
No benchers, no dresser, no hoodies, simple invitations
Make up /hair for kalla- very reasonable (I myself do very minimal so did myself)

But (since were chassidish) I did pay about 10,000 for kalla gifts, chosson gifts are a bit less.
Also about 10,000 for furniture, set up apt.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, May 25 2023, 5:11 am

amother Smokey wrote:

A full band
A full photography crew
Outrageous flowers
Expensive gowns
Outrageous price for hair & makeup

This is by far the best answer! Nobody needs a wedding that puts people in debt or even having to pay back loans or payments for years to come.
Its essentially 6 hours of one day of the rest of one's life.

Gosh, how I would have loved to have a small backyard affair. Sigh.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, May 25 2023, 5:30 am

amother Bronze wrote:

I wore a "bride" sweatshirt over 8 years ago. Bought it from Victoria's secret I believe. It's always been a thing. Also I think I paid $20

This most definitely has NOT always been a thing. 8 years ago does not maje sonething a thing. 🤦‍♀️
Never heard of this before this site a few years ago.
Im married almost 18 years.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, May 25 2023, 5:34 am

Highstrung wrote:

It’s something you learn about on Instagram.
At least that’s where I discovered that it’s a “thing”. A personal assistant type of person who takes responsibility to dress the entire family the day of the wedding . She makes sure everyone is all set and photo ready. This is meant to take the headache off a baalas Simcha.

Um, ok. Not really. In "the olden days" as in 1700s, - early 1900s, people had dressers, people who dressed them. So this is nothing new. A need? Definitely not, but not new with instagram.

Debbie

Thu, May 25 2023, 5:44 am

Chupah invitations; when our daughter got married we only sent out invitations for the dinner.
For the chuppah and dancing we put notices in local frum advertisers.
As for the hoodie I too am not familiar with this 'custom,' my daughter just wore regular clothes whilst having her make up done and changed into her gown after.
The wedding was beautiful even without these things.

Pandabeer

Thu, May 25 2023, 8:41 am

Highstrung wrote:

The dumb slurpees at a mitzvah tantz. It’s not an expense . It’s just weird.

I did without floral centerpieces on each table at my wedding . I figured I won’t get to see it anyway and it’s my wedding (we ate in the yichud room) .
My wedding was awesome and I bet nobody even noticed that they were missing.

They we're probably thankfull they see across the the table and have a normal conversation without this huge center in the middle
And they take it of for pictures because it's in the way...so who gets to enjoy it at al??

Pandabeer

Thu, May 25 2023, 8:44 am

amother Jasmine wrote:

If there was no peer pressure to do this, would you have ever, in your whole life, thought to do this on your own?

I highly doubt it.

You know why? Cuz they are not NECESSARY...

My kids asked me for a hoodie - to make it easier to shop for gowns, dresses etc.
And I have a cricut so I am going to design it, as I do with too many things because it's my hobby

amother

Hotpink

Thu, May 25 2023, 8:59 am

I just made a wedding and bh the mechutanim were in agreement that it should be very simple.

1 man band.
1 photographer (instead of 2, not sure why that is needed)
we all, including kallah, got dresses from gemachs.
we shared flowers with a kallah the previous night in the same hall, with some changes, it cost about $1000 for us I think.
We did have benchers but I agree not necessary.
Basic menu from the hall, added a few things that were important to us both like nicer dessert table. The hall let us bring our own wine, we bought a couple of cases for about $200.
no sweatshirts lol. What girls doesn't have 17 hoodies from hs, seminary, camp, etc?

miami85

Thu, May 25 2023, 1:40 pm

GLUE wrote:

Years ago I was reading how some group in Israel took all the wedding expenses sent out a questioner to ask which one is unnecessary. After all the questioners came back they came up with a list of things that people should stop buying.

So, if you made a wedding what expense do you think is or woze unnecessary? One you will not do for the next? Or one you still would do because that's life ect...?

I think bottom line is time=money. If you have time for things, then you dont' need to spend the money then do it. I knew about the zip-up sweatshirt, but I didn't have the time/money/friend to get it for me, to get one so I wore what I did have which was a zip-up sweater.

I felt benchers were important to me, so I just ordered the cheapest-but-nicest one that I found and ordered the minimum for the monogram which my husband and I collaborated on.

A Wedding should be a "bakovodik" event that you should spend to make it so without getting lost in the "trends"

amother

DarkPurple

Thu, May 25 2023, 1:46 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Still plenty get married without one.

So what? If it makes me and the kallah happy and it doesn’t break the bank, why don’t you fargin me my adorable picture with me and my daughters in matching sweatshirts. It’s one of my favorites. Nearly a year later, it still makes me smile. I don’t smile less about it because a random from lady on the internet doesn’t approve.

amother

DarkPurple

Thu, May 25 2023, 1:49 pm

amother Navyblue wrote:

I liked the food at the mitzvah tantz. It wasn’t extensive. Some kigel, cake, drinks. Everyone was occupied, even the little kids who stopped running through the middle. The slurpees were weird and I had never heard of them, but the chusen’s friend was so excited and I like it a whole lot better than chusen cigarettes by the l’chaim. Was not amused by that.

amother

Steelblue

Thu, May 25 2023, 1:50 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Both are true, it can be unnecessary, and also bring joy.

amother

Coffee

Thu, May 25 2023, 2:04 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Food at the kabbulas punim
Food at the meal
Dessert plus at the shmorg
Hot foods on the side throughout dancing
Who still needs food? I mean, I get the nuts, chocolates, and mints, but lately it's cookies and snacks and kugel, and more fruit, and more cake. Like, what?