S/O Yoel Roth- S-x Ed for our boys

amother

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 8:27 am

A couple of posters mentioned on that thread that our boys should be taught about puberty and relations etc, not by their moms, but by their dads. And they emphasized that it should not be done by the moms.
And technically, I agree.
But what if there is no dad in the picture? Or what if dad refuses to discuss?
Who should be teaching the boys?
I worry for my son, and I don’t know what to do. I want him to be armed with knowledge and information but it feels too weird for me to do it. Can I give him a book? (Is there even one?)
Do I approach him even though it’s weird?
Will I mess him up forever if I do nothing/ approach him?
Please advise!

amother

Petunia

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 9:22 am

sometimes in that case people ask their married brother, father, uncle, rov, etc to speak with their son and be available for ongoing questions and conversations about this topic

Cressel

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 9:52 am

There is book called "From Boys to Men" by Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman.

Meant for boys in this stage.

It explains everything to them in a Torahdig way

amother

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:07 am

Thanks for the info and responses!
And thanks for posting that book. I just bought it.
Can I just give it to my son?
I don’t have any male father figures I would feel comfortable approaching.
So it’s either me or the book or nothing.
Sad

amother

Razzmatazz

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:10 am

amother OP wrote:

u

Just want to say you sound like a loving and very committed mother and your son is lucky to have you!

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:11 am

Was just discussing this with dh last night. He doesn’t want to prepare ds, but wait until he asks questions. So I said “you know he will ask me those questions not you”. Because I’m the one always around and they ask me about every strange thing that happens with their bodies. So he’s like “okay if he asks just tell him it’s a normal part of growing up”. Okay, works for me I guess. Unless ofcourse his rebbes start with the fire and brimstone which dh swears doesn’t happen. So I guess we’ll find out on that one.

amother

Geranium

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:26 am

You can do it if you're the person around.
My DH spoke to my son. It became clear a month later that he hadn't grasped what he was saying. I sat him down and gave it to him abc. Not every man is capable of this and not every child can take from the father.

amother

Mulberry

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:47 am

amother OP wrote:

Depends on what kind of relationship you have with him.

If it's not the type that you'd discuss it in length, then just the book.

If you can, best for you to use the book to get ideas of how to explain it.

But you can absolutely use just book if you know it's that or nothing. This is something that even fathers have a hard time discussing with boys. Thats why Dr.Shloime Zimmerman wrote it.

amother

Phlox

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:48 am

How do you know what to say? I feel like I don't know the first thing about it 🙈 and dh is not the type to bring it up normally or make sure they really understand

crust

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 10:53 am

amother OP wrote:

I speak to my sons. I'm not sure who decided that only a father can talk.

I speak to them in bite-sized convos rather than long ones.

100 one minute conversations are more effective than a single one hour conversation.

amother

Banana

Sun, Jun 04 2023, 11:04 am

There is no reason you can't have this conversation with your son. Especially if there is no father for him to turn to - you want to make sure he will feel okay to discuss these things with you.
That being said, I feel like hearing certain things from another man would be helpful, because as much as we try to understand how men think and feel, we don't necessarily fully grasp it.
Perhaps there is a book he can read or someone who can talk to him just once?