S/O awful adult book

amother

Fuchsia

Wed, Jun 07 2023, 1:06 am

His long brown peyos wiggle as he shook his head after he asked.
The verdict: nidda
Bayla is disappointed but accepts her fate. She went to the bathroom and locked the door to take things into her own hands. She douched away that night and for the next few days. “Please let me be clean quickly so I can go play with Berish once again!”

amother

Thistle

Wed, Jun 07 2023, 1:32 am

"Bayla, please do tell me,"
Berish repeatedly implores.
"Are you sure you asked the Rav
With all the details from behind closed doors?"

It takes Bayla a day or two
Before understanding hits.
After so long with harchakos
She feels like she's having fits.

Desperately she calls the Rav,
Not realizing the time.
Awoken from deep slumber
The Rav forgets to rhyme!

"What do you need now, Mrs. Beigelstockstein?" the Rav asks sleepily.

"Oh, Rav, I'm sorry to bother you!"
("No you're not" he thinks)
"Did I clarify the color of the spot
That it was red, not oranges or pinks?

"And did I tell you that the spot
Was on my husband's cheek?
And that it was a matching shade
To the lipstick I bought last week?

"And did I tell you that the spot
Though larger than a gris
Bore a strong resemblance
To the shape of a lipstick kiss?"

"OY VEY MRS. BEIGELSTOCKSTEIN! Do you really mean to tell me that the red spot you called about last week all upset was on your husband's FACE? And that it looked like lipstick???"

"Yes, Rabbi, that's what I mean.
Sorry I didn't clarify before.
So my question is, are you SURE I'm niddah?
Are you really, really, sure?"

"No you're not, Mrs. Beigelstockstein. Good night."

With that, Bayla took a flying leap
And landed in Berish's bed.
In shock, he didn't even hug Bayla,
He called back the Rav instead.

"YES IT'S FINE MR. BEIGELSTOCKSTEIN. A lipstick kiss does not make someone niddah."

With great joy, Berish returned
To Bayla waiting impatiently.
The rest of this scene must be redacted
For reasons of modesty.

But before they spent their time together
They realized they'd learned a new middah
To ask a shaalah with all of the details
And avoid unnecessary niddah.

The next morning, two men were late
To Shacharis in shul, I mean.
The Rav, to everyone's suprise
And of course, Berish Beigelstockstein.

amother

Periwinkle

Wed, Jun 07 2023, 1:40 am

amother Thistle wrote:

"Bayla, please do tell me,"
Berish repeatedly implores.
"Are you sure you asked the Rav
With all the details from behind closed doors?"

It takes Bayla a day or two
Before understanding hits.
After so long with harchakos
She feels like she's having fits.

Desperately she calls the Rav,
Not realizing the time.
Awoken from deep slumber
The Rav forgets to rhyme!

"What do you need now, Mrs. Beigelstockstein?" the Rav asks sleepily.

"Oh, Rav, I'm sorry to bother you!"
("No you're not" he thinks)
"Did I clarify the color of the spot
That it was red, not oranges or pinks?

"And did I tell you that the spot
Was on my husband's cheek?
Where it could have come perhaps
From the lipstick I bought last week?

"And did I tell you that the spot
Though larger than a gris
Bore a strong resemblance
To the shape of a lipstick kiss?"

"OY VEY MRS. BEIGELSTOCKSTEIN! Do you really mean to tell me that the red spot you called about last week all upset was on your husband's FACE? And that it looked like lipstick???"

"Yes, Rabbi, that's what I mean.
Sorry I didn't clarify before.
So my question is, are you SURE I'm niddah?
Are you really, really, sure?"

"No you're not, Mrs. Beigelstockstein. Good night."

With that, Bayla took a flying leap
And landed in Berish's bed.
In shock, he didn't even hug Bayla,
He called back the Rav instead.

"YES IT'S FINE MR. BEIGELSTOCKSTEIN. A lipstick kiss does not make someone niddah."

With great joy, Berish returned
To Bayla waiting impatiently.
The rest of this scene must be redacted
For reasons of modesty.

But before they spent their time together
They realized they'd learned a new middah
To ask a shaalah with all of the details
And avoid unnecessary niddah.

The next morning, two men were late
To Shacharis in shul, I mean.
The Rav, to everyone's suprise
And of course, Berish Beigelstockstein.

OMG!! I’m reading this to my husband and we’re rolling!!! Your talent is next level!!

top mom

Wed, Jun 07 2023, 6:31 am

Chapter 2:
The cholent that splattered into the french toast
Sunday morning so bright and nice
Bayla fried some french toast with cinnamon spice
And since her Berish'l hadn't done the dishes
Which was one of Bayla's ultimate wishes
Maybe also because
She was
In her eighth month of pregnancy
That she did something less than fancy
Before they could blink,
The wisk flew into the fleishig sink,
Which set off an avalanche of plates
Which toppled the crusty cholent , minus its heavenly *tastes,
Into the french toast batter,
That was shocked into a splatter.

The Rav was called, time they did not waste,
Before they even got to have a taste,
Long story short,
And please do not snort,
Berish'l learnt to wash the dishes
And to always respect all his wife's wishes .

* and no,this is not the place to discuss whether it's appropriate to describe food as heaven.