Disappiontment/ or satisfied?

supermom

Mon, Oct 31 2005, 2:55 am

This is an off shoot from the other thread I started young girls getting married too young.

Before we got married and until now do we find that we have some disappiontment as to what life is now like?

examples

raising kids/ how hard it really is
paying bills
rent
what type of person you came to be from after you got married ect....

zigi

Mon, Oct 31 2005, 4:22 pm

real life is much harder than I expected. paying bills, seeing if there is enough money for food, before I got married life was so much easier. I was on shlichus with room and board, I could use my pay check for everything I wanted. now I wish! I thought I was very patient, but now I'm trying my hardest to ease out what ever drop of patience that I had in my body after my toddler trashes the house ands tests my limitsand my baby refuses to go to sleep and all she wants to do is scream well welcome to the real world

shanie5

Mon, Oct 31 2005, 10:22 pm

I got married at 19, had my first at 20. I dont feel like I missed out on anything cuz I probably would have spent a long time worrying if I would find the right person. Confused

raising kids can be frustrating, but mostly what I expected it to be- b'h they are (mostly) well behaved and not overly wild.
im not sure how much marraige changed me (except that is when my mom and I finally started to get along) youd have to ask my sibs and friends. Wink

as for bill paying-never thought about it much before I got married and try to think less about it now embarrassed

chen

Mon, Oct 31 2005, 11:34 pm

But of course! None of our offspring has flaming coppery hair, musical talent, or any interest in vegetables; coffee doesn't taste as good as it smells; and we did not move to a nicer neighborhood (though we got to live in a much ** more expensive ** neighborhood just by staying put all these years LOL

).

But, seriously: hubby is at home way too little; childen do not seem to be getting as good an education as we did; we did not move to EY and it doesn't look like we will any time soon.

DH is more disappointed with life in general, b/c he had a standard middle-class american upbringing and standard middle-class expectations: house, yard, car, family vacations. materially he has less now than his parents did at a much younger age. My parents struggled all their lives, never had much money, never owned a car or a house, and once went on a three-day vacation to New Jersey. materially I have much more than they ever did.

I never truly expected to live much differently from the way my parents did. Would have been delighted to marry a rich doctor, live in a big private house with a rose garden and a pesach kitchen, and force the progeny to take piano and ballet lessons. But, because I didn't think that would actually happen, I don't sigh for those things. (Well, maybe the pesach kitchen... Wink

)

Rivka

Tue, Nov 01 2005, 3:58 pm

I deff find it hard to live in such a small place, I think I was a bit spoilt when it came to bedrooms because we came to look at the place and all I could think was "this is so small and I have to share it with someone else!!!???" and my husband was "Wow! This room is so BIG!" He was being serious. So depends what you get used to. I think bills and finance and kids do come as a shock coz you are not ready for it if you haven't lived on your own before.

613

Tue, Nov 01 2005, 4:06 pm

Yes, there may be some disappointments when we get married, but those'll be there whether you get married at 16 or at 46! (maybe not the same exact ones)
but B"H in most cases people learn to live with the disappointments!

Tefila

Tue, Nov 01 2005, 4:15 pm

Listen when the neshama is forced to come down into this world it is coaxed and told thats it's purpose and it will do well and ia"h succeed so then it head plunges into this world only to be faced w/h new challanges. Thats how I view marriage did I truly want the misiras nefesh involved I mean why do I have to get married couldn't I have just become a nurse and gone and helped people. But no I am told it's my job and yes I was coaxed and Hashem made it not so hard when I found my true bashert. Very Happy

it all depends how one views life and the everchanging one. And with all the hardships that come and go we can still thank Hashem for what He does bless us with
But till Moshiach comes how can any of us say we are actually satisfied Wink

Rivka

Tue, Nov 01 2005, 7:15 pm

I would like to add though, I only feel less dissapointed with marriage recently, I got married at 19 and really I do think that was too young.
But I don't think it's such a majorly young age to get married, I find 17 much worse, simply because if you do that you miss out on the rest of your education and going to sem; living away from your family and finding out who you are. So it is important. I am sure some people who are forced to get married too young for themselves will feel resentful towards their marriages and everything that comes with it.
I think every person is different. Parents shouldn't force their kids when to get married and it should be up to the child to say when they are ready.
Obviously if that child is mature enough and knows enough to make such a decision.

Milk Munch

Wed, Nov 02 2005, 9:06 pm

I also got married at 19. I think everyone is different.
Personally though, for me it was perfect. I remember in high school/seminary people would say "Just wait until you are married and having kids, its going to be so hard you will wish you were back in school". I knew I would never feel that way and I dont'. I was never academic and always knew that my streangths would be better utilized as a stay at home mommy.
Of course there are challenges but I know I wouldnt' want my life any other way.

Rivka

Thu, Nov 03 2005, 7:44 pm

I guess that is the difference, I wanted to go to Uni and I love learning, it doesn't mean I still can't do that, on the contrary I can still go to University and learn and I am learning all the time having a child and it's very interesting, but I do think I was a bit young.