I am so surprised with DS attitude

amother

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 12:39 pm

DS is engaged to a wonderful girl- mazel tov!

Now here is my vent- just need to get this out of my head...

DS once was the most giving person and now I am seeing a very selfish side to him as we prepare for this wedding. Covid did something to his bhrain cells I think. I am being serious about that.

I asked a small favor of him for the wedding and he went on a groomzilla rampage about not getting everything he wants and he is the chosson and why does he have to make concessions. We have given everything they both want(we are splitting the wedding with her parents) and happy to do so. This was a small ask because of a fear of mine.

He did this also when his grandparents offered to make sheva brachot and ds said he wants them to do Friday brunch and they said they would be happy to do it thursday night if no one else volunteered, but couldn't do it Friday brunch and he went all groomzilla saying well they are retired and their friends are retired and this would be better for them and why would they ask if they weren't going to do what he wants. Are you serious??? They want to pay for sheva brachot at a restuarant and this is what you are saying to me?? Be thankful and appreciative. And Friday brunch- cuz no one has anything to do on a Friday but go to a brunch??

I was shocked.
Then last night we met with everyone to go over menu before having them talk to the hall and he said well if we are talking to the hall why do we need to discuss any of this with you? Wait what??? (This is what I thought-What chutzpah. First we know more than you do and so you want to make sure you don't have 100 potato dishes and you have variety and we have life experience.) What I said was I think the parents just want to know what is going on. Guess what- he had things that needed to be changed- thankfully the kallahs father pointed it out and it wasn't coming from me.

There are so many other things that have been popping up and this chutzpa attitude of I know better than everyone else is coming in to play. I can't say anything cuz I know it will blow up in my face.
so here I am venting...Thanks!!

amother

Lily

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 12:42 pm

If this isn't his regular behavior I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Stress and anxiety can bring out the absolute worst in a person
That being said, you need to look into where these feelings are coming from. Would he agree to talk to someone?

amother

Navyblue

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 12:45 pm

This is so hard!
Tbh, and I know a lot of people will disagree with me here, I would say something to him one time, when he's not in the moment, because he is still not married and you should still be mechanech him. I've seen boys be disrespectful to their parents and then they go on to be disrespectful to their wives.
' I understand that it is your day but we are paying for the wedding and this is a good life lesson that even when there's a situation that you are the center of attention you always have the opportunity to think of others and not yourself the whole time. Middos doesn't take a back stage because it's your day. Etc'

amother

Brunette

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:04 pm

He might have brain inflammation from long covid.

amother

Azure

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:08 pm

I would wonder if something is going on, if he's nervous about getting married or about his kallah. Definitely something to look into. Maybe take him out for one on one (if you have time in all the madness) and ask him how everything is going.

amother

Pink

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:10 pm

amother Azure wrote:

This. It sounds like he is not happy about this wedding. Was he in any was pushed into it? Also, this behavior is not covid and not "groomzilla". It's a major red flag.

Cheiny

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

This kind of attitude is usually a cover for some type of fear or anxiety.

Since you say this behavior is out of character, I’d say he might be having anxiety about getting married and so every issue that comes up is causing him stress and he’s reacting in this inappropriate and seemingly selfish way.

It would help if he had someone to speak to and confide in about what’s troubling him, but it sure sounds like something is, and it’s not the petty issues he’s carrying on about…

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:15 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

He might have brain inflammation from long covid.

Can’t we have one thread without this? Why isn’t everyone dropping dead from brain inflammation at the rate you diagnose them? I’m surprised any of us are still alive.

amother

Petunia

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:15 pm

amother Pink wrote:

This. It sounds like he is not happy about this wedding. Was he in any was pushed into it? Also, this behavior is not covid and not "groomzilla". It's a major red flag.

My son was like this also, he has mild anxiety and my sweet gentle child was micro-managing every aspect of the wedding. It was driving us crazy. BH he snapped back to himself after the wedding. Try to cut him some slack, his life is changing, people deal with stress differently.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:18 pm

amother Fuchsia wrote:

Can’t we have one thread without this? Why isn’t everyone dropping dead from brain inflammation at the rate you diagnose them? I’m surprised any of us are still alive.

Op mentioned that she seriously thinks covid did something to his brain so I just let her know it's a very real possibility.

There are plenty of other posters posting about red flags and jitters and all kinds of other possibilities. OP can decide what resonates with her.

(People don't generally die from brain inflammation)

amother

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:26 pm

amother Pink wrote:

This. It sounds like he is not happy about this wedding. Was he in any was pushed into it? Also, this behavior is not covid and not "groomzilla". It's a major red flag.

Not pushed into it by us, but I do think he was on the fence about getting engaged so quickly. he new he wanted to marry the girl and was nervus about proposing. Spoke with is rebbi who he said gave him the push he needed. Not sure what that means, but after that he seemed more calm.

He has been speaking with someone about some small anxiety (not related to this) and I am hoping the therapist is competent, but there isn't much I can do or say since he is an adult. Any questioning will be push back from him.

It is interesting that DD has said to me since ds has started dating this girl and ethe engagement he has seen ds become more selfish....
but there isn't much I can do- accepts hugs.

amother

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:27 pm

amother Petunia wrote:

Yes- that is reassuring!! We just keep biting our tongues. he needs to build a new relationship and not focus on the relationship he has with us. Its not easy balancing all of it.

amother

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:28 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

He might have brain inflammation from long covid.

Is this a real thing? if it is- how do you check for it? Would a therapist be able to tell? Can it be helped?

amother

Brunette

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is this a real thing? if it is- how do you check for it? Would a therapist be able to tell? Can it be helped?

Yes it's a real thing. I doubt a therapist can tell. You'd need to find a doctor to treat. But most won't take you seriously.
https://www.camh.ca/en/camh-ne.....23%20(Toronto),persistent%20symptoms%20of%20long%20COVID.

amother

Thistle

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:50 pm

I was a bridezilla at my wedding and my husband was also hypermanagey. because it was in another place than I'm from so my mother couldn't help plan it, and the *2* things we specifically wanted we werent able to have so we were micromanaging everything else. It really could just be that he's trying to have the perfect wedding for him and his wife and he's trying to make everything perfect.

amother

Mauve

Fri, Jun 16 2023, 2:56 pm

I think it’s normal during engagement period for the bride/groom to get all anxious and nervous
And bite everyone’s heads off.
My daughter was CRYING about her bouquet at her wedding because she didn’t like one of the flowers in it!
This too shall pass….
Mazel Tov!