How much is too much hishtadlus?

amother

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 10:39 am

R' Chaim Rosenfeld often says that Hashem decides how much money you will make this year, and you need to put in reasonable hishtadlus to make that amount. Any extra hours you do are really working for free, because Hashem will not give you more than He intended for you to have this year.

Of course, I know this is true.

So the question is, how much is reasonable hishtadlus? At what point does a person become a workaholic who is working for free because he has exceeded the amount of hishtadlus he was supposed to put in?

I'm asking about a man with a bunch of kids whose wife works part time from home. He has no responsibilities with the kids, but he is obviously supposed to spend time with his wife and children, to bond with them and show them he loves them.

ftm1234

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 10:45 am

amother OP wrote:

I think hishtadlus in this case would be defined as balance. Every human being needs time for himself and his family. I would say that when a person becomes a slave to their work, it's not reasonable hishtadlus anymore. As long as they can make time for their family and themselves, it's not so much the amount of hours they put in. Even if they have a job that's very demanding and has them working a little crazy hours, as long as they can still find the time for themselves and family, they're fine. Like even making weekends extra special because they work very long hours during the week. It's all about balance but very individual because what works for one family mightn not work for another so it's hard to really give one right answer

amother

Bluebell

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 10:49 am

There's no sinple answer. 40 hours is a typical work week. However, many families need two full time salaries to make ends meet. So without that, it seems reasonable that he might need to make an effort beyond the typical 40 hours, either putting in extra hours, spending time on training to advance his earning potential, or working towards a new career with higher earning potential.

Hishtadlus could also be in the form of minimizing expenses. Can you cut down expenses to maximize your income?

How are your finances? Are you making ends meet with his current work schedule? Could you manage if he cut back?

amother

Lightpink

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 11:05 am

If you're a person that 5 hours a day is your hishtadlus then Hashem will support you on 5 hours a day of work. Same with 3 hours and same with 18 hours. It's up to each person, I've seen people work 18 hour days for a year and make 150k (an ok salary but working very hard) and then more than doubling their salary the next year, working maybe 3 hours a day. It's all from Hashem.

ShishKabob

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 12:24 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

I really like this answer because it's very individual.
I think it boils down to the fact that if you believe that you're doing your hishtadlus and it's really Hashem giving you your parnossa, or you believe that it's your boss at work and your overtime giving you parnossa.

amother

Maize

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 12:32 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Yes... but it is a hard decision to make and to actually believe. DH is in kollel but works for himself. His hours are flexible, but its essentially, kollel and full time work.

It is super overwhelming at times, but I'm always afraid to ask him to leave kollel and do his work during work hours instead. How do I know that the bracha will continue? We are far from rich but bh managing our expenses decently in today's economy.

ShishKabob

Thu, Jun 29 2023, 12:35 pm

amother Maize wrote:

Of course it's difficult. That's the avodah, to work on ourselves to remember to rely on Hashem. I don't believe that cutting down hours of learning gives you hatzlocha or brocho, just the opposite.
Hugs, it's really hard when life feels so challenging. Remember, there are people that don't learn throughout their day and their lives are just as hard, not easier. At least your dh is getting some learning done and THAT is major in this world and in the next.
(I'm not minimizing your angst at at all)