S/o $300k CLEANING HELP IS A LUXURY!

amother

Tiffanyblue

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 8:54 am

Maybe you should take a poll and ask how many ppl think they fall into the "average functioning" family. Even if someone is not dysfunctional, I think many ppl don't feel functional even if it's something not on your list.

amother

Phlox

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 8:58 am

I've yet to be able to afford cleaning help as an adult, despite having ADHD. I've been learning how to keep a cleaner house, but it's not easy (then again, a lot of my issues wouldn't be fixed by cleaning help either: clean clutter still looks messy).

What I have heard is that once you get cleaning help, it's one of the last things most women are willing to part with: most would rather economize on food and clothing or cut down on utility usage. That makes sense, but that doesn't make it a necessity. It's just typically high priority.

amother

Lightpink

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 9:16 am

I don't have cleaning help but I spend a lot on takeout/convenience foods, which is a different sanity saver, so I don't judge those who do.

I think most of us agree that you shouldn't go into debt for these extras, barring unusual circumstances. The other thing is the amount of cleaning help. I grew up secular with a cleaning lady every other week for basic cleaning. That was normal in my middle class community. Multiple days a week is a housekeeper, which seems like a luxury. I know the frum community has bigger families, and more hosting, and if you can afford it, go for it.

But the real problem seems to be that everyone thinks they have to have a spotless house that's guest -ready all the time to function. If we can let go of that expectation, people won't think it's a must. I'm not talking about dirty bathrooms and grimy kitchens. I take care of that. But a house still functions with a little dust in the corners.

amother

Copper

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 9:18 am

I just feel sad and bad for those moms who are working so hard with large families and working and can’t afford help. So many of them end up running themselves physically or mentally sick from all the pressure and amount of things they juggle. And they certainly are not being the best moms and wives due to this. Some of you are single moms or have husbands that are just not able to bring in enough parnasa because one income just doesn’t cover it these days. And then there are some who choose to support their learning husbands. I know many women really wish they can have cleaning help but unfortunately cannot afford it. Thankful that I can afford it bh but work full time and this is the first thing I tell people that I pay for.

amother

Hyacinth

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 9:24 am

It is a luxury and I truly don’t understand why people get so offended when it’s pointed out. A lot of things in our lives are luxuries.

amother

Slategray

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 9:28 am

nechamala wrote:

Reberzin Braunsteim used to say it’s a need. Better to serve tuna every night in order to pay for it I believe was how she put it.

I didn't want to bring Rebbetzin Braunstein, a"h, because ch"v this should devolve into bashing. But what if we're already having tuna or the equivalent?

Ema of 5

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 9:29 am

amother Hyacinth wrote:

It is a luxury and I truly don’t understand why people get so offended when it’s pointed out. A lot of things in our lives are luxuries.

Because you are not living my life and you are not living in my house, so you don’t get to decide what I need and what I don’t. I don’t understand this need to judge others. Everyone does things the way they do it. What difference does it make if I consider it a need and you consider it a luxury? Will it change your life at all if I change my mind and say it’s a luxury? What will it do for you?

ectomorph

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 9:31 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

This is a good point. The definition of functional has become unattainable for many.

amother

Goldenrod

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 10:06 am

amother Hyacinth wrote:

It is a luxury and I truly don’t understand why people get so offended when it’s pointed out. A lot of things in our lives are luxuries.

Just because it may be a luxury for YOU, doesn't make it a luxury for everyone.

Cspybe

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 11:43 am

amother OP wrote:

I am so ticked off by the recent threads.

CLEANING HELP IS A LUXURY!

Vehemently disagree

Cleaning help can equally a mother's sanity. Even if there are no special circumstances.
I happen to enjoy household cleaning and ironing. But I can't be an equally good housekeeper and a cook and a mother. And I'm not dysfunctional.

If I were deeply in dept, I'd cut back on everything else possible before letting cleaning help go. My kids would gladly forgo treats, expensive meats, cheese and yoghurts and eat cheaper food and have a happy present mother that isn't depleted from constantly cleaning.

amother

Sapphire

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 11:45 am

Op all I'll say is I disagree with your point as a rule. For some it may be a luxury but not for many. In a community where it's expected to have at least a handful of children it's a need for many. I consider takeout, manicures, high end clothing etc as luxuries but not cleaning help for a family with multiple young children.

momallhours

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 11:51 am

Did not read through the whole thread but this is BEYOND, how about YOU DO YOU

If you are ok with no cleaning help great, for others if they do need it also great.

honey36

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 11:56 am

Sounds to me like the problem is when a women doesn't necessarily fall into one of the categories mentioned in the OP, so she trys to do everything herself and eventually ends up getting physically or mentally ill because of it.

So yeah, even when the women doesn't fall into one of those categories, I still don't think cleaning help is a luxury. It's a preventive measure for staying OUT of those categories.

Lovable

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 12:01 pm

OK I did not read this entire thread
But
Op I'm sorry to tell you, deciding what a luxury is for other people, is not part of your rights.
Second of all
I think it was Rebitzen Zehava Braunstein ( not 100% sure) who, when asked what would she have done differently in life if she could have, responded that she would definitely hire more cleaning help, so that she could focus more on her children and family

So yeah

For her, me and many many others cleaning help is not a luxury

amother

Firebrick

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 12:41 pm

amother Hyacinth wrote:

It is a luxury and I truly don’t understand why people get so offended when it’s pointed out. A lot of things in our lives are luxuries.

Guess what? Air conditioning is a luxury. 🤷‍♀️ So says your great grandmother.

Disposable dishes? Luxury. Flowers for Shabbos? Luxury. Car newer than 10 years old? Luxury. Sheitel more than a few dollars? Luxury. OUTSOURCING YOUR KIDS EDUCATION? Luxury. Down comforter? Luxury. Sushi? Luxury.

Not a luxury: Basic food, water, shelter, clothing, air, and the basic human need to complain.

amother

RosePink

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 12:42 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

This especially when the mother is pregnant or within a year postpartum.

amother

Snow

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 12:46 pm

amother Firebrick wrote:

I do consider those things luxuries
We go without flowers, disposables, new car, sushi.

amother

Daffodil

Fri, Jul 28 2023, 12:49 pm

amother Snow wrote:

I do consider those things luxuries
We go without flowers, disposables, new car, sushi.

Same. We don’t do any of those. We don’t take taxis, get manicures/waxing/laser/ etc. etc etc

amother

Aubergine

Sat, Jul 29 2023, 3:48 pm

Ema of 5 wrote:

If someone says cleaning help is a necessity for them, who are you to say otherwise? Personally, my house would be unlivable if I didn’t have cleaning help. I won’t go into why, because I don’t feel the need to defend myself, especially to someone anonymous. Who made you the judge and jury of who needs cleaning and for whom it is a luxury?