Are so many people really that rich? What am I doing wrong?

amother

Darkblue

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:21 pm

I feel the same when I go into these stores.
But when I go to tottini it is also bh packed. Or to sage (outlet store in Monsey) or childrens outlet. So bh there are many people in Monsey and all stores are packed. With many people buying the items you listed and many people buying cheaper things.

amother

Yarrow

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm not jealous! I don't want to spend on those things!
I'm just trying to understand the mentality.

OP I get you.

I've learned that I will simply never understand the mentality. I just won't. No matter how hard I try. So I just try to shrug and move on.

Either these people can afford it and like to pay so much for clothes, or they can't afford it and are using money they don't really have to spend.

amother

Lightcyan

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:38 pm

The answer or answers are quite simple

There is a lot of wealth and if you go to a relatively small store that sells expensive items you are going to get a certain perception.

People are financially irresponsible and so they charge very expensive status items so they appear to be wealthier than they really are

You also might have somewhat of a distorted perception since you are in a specific store at a specific time. If I go to Neiman Marcus in Beverly Hills I will be surrounded by lots of truly wealthy people. If I go to Target I will be surrounded by the poor and middle class :-)

When I take the occasional day of work I am amazed by the huge number of people who are out and about doing leisurely things but I know that most people are working - and no I am not describing women who are shopping in grocery stores with children in tow LOL

It is a bit like the parable of the blind men who were attempting to describe an elephant by only feeling certain parts of the elephants so the blind man who felt the tail had one perception and the blind men feeling the feet had another and so on.

Cheiny

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

I was out shopping, the stores are so crowded. Not even cheap stores. Expensive stores! People getting $180 coats for 7 kids $150 outfits for the entire family, $90 backpacks for all kids.... how has this become normal standard??? I feel like I'm doing something wrong that I can't buy $90 backpacks for all kids.... I also feel like it's such a waste.

Some people are all about wanting to project wealth to others, to show off, and will do so at the risk of bankrupting themselves, or having to cut back on more necessary items for the family… it’s skewed values and low self esteem.

Cheiny

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

Dunno, I think it's more people that we think.
My kids had a trip, I had to drop them off at the bus stop. Most kids had designer expensive duffel bags. I sometimes feel like something is literally wrong with me. Even if I can afford it, I don't have the taavah or interest to spend on such things. I feel like it's a waste of money.

I agree. I’m usually shocked when I see how many people are eating out at very high end restaurants with a whole family of little kids, and how at lunchtime, groups of very young teen girls are eating out at expensive places with their friends day after day. When I was 14 I hardly had the ability to go out for $40 lunches with my friends.

Cheiny

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:46 pm

giftedmom wrote:

The people I see in stores debate every item endlessly and drive the sales ladies insane. I don’t think everyone buys everything you describe

I haven’t seen that.

I see people buying armloads of plain cotton t shirts for $90 each, and Shabbos dresses for hundreds each, like they’re water.

Cheiny

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:48 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

For some reason, these self righteous posts usually there is a smidgen of jealousy deep deep down.
If you are really honest with yourself you will recognize it, too.

That’s a judgment call and you’re judging someone whose motives you can’t possibly know.
I totally understand she can be making an observation and wondering how and why people are able to spend that way. Doesn’t necessarily mean she’s jealous. She can have a different set of standards.

amother

Mulberry

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 7:00 pm

I think I can explain somewhat.
A few of my friends work off the books, so they get food stamps and wic. They aren’t spending any money on groceries. Instead, they go out to eat and shop the stores .
Also, a have more friends where the grandparents buy the coats and a yom tov outfit for each child ( myself included bh)
Lastly, some kollels in Lakewood give certificates to the Jewish stores for the avreichim kids.
And there will always be people who put it on the credit card and hope to pay it off soon. I’m not defending that, I’m just stating the reality.
Btw, we have a chasidish neighbor who buys designer matching outfits for her kids , but only buys like 3 outfits per kid , per season. She would rather wash more than buy 15 cheap things for the same price.

amother

Anemone

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 7:24 pm

amother Watermelon wrote:

For some reason, these self righteous posts usually there is a smidgen of jealousy deep deep down.
If you are really honest with yourself you will recognize it, too.

Not necessarily. I can well afford to buy these things (and then some) for my kids BH but I have zero desire for it, and they’re so far BH very level headed spenders. We spend on what’s important to us and overpriced items don’t make the cut.

pg5

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 7:36 pm

I would love to buy nice expensive clothing! Don’t tell me u don’t see a difference in quality. If I buy something cheap it doesn’t last same, but, I can’t afford it... I usually buy from kidichik and tottini and few weeks into season everything goes on sale. The most expensive clothing go up to 90% off. comes out pennies I buy for next year too.
I totally don’t know how ppl spend full price!

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 8:14 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

This is the most in line with my experience.

I know some people who could truly afford it.

Some who prioritize spending on clothes and accessories but don't prioritize much else. Included in this is a certain element that this is a need, not a splurge. The prices you listed are what the regular stores are selling stuff for now when it's full season. People need to outfit their kids and to a certain segment, this is just the way it's done, same as with food for yt. Then you leave and sigh about inflation.

And then a large segment who are on programs, vouchers and organization discounts/coupons who are able to buy their large families the full price outfits, shoes, coats that I can't or won't because we don't get any of that.

amother

Wine

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 8:28 pm

I do understand the jealousy it's hard to see so many people have what you want. It's a middah to work on. My dd gets like this sometimes and I explain that B"H we have what we need and we manage.

not everyone that shops is wealthy but some are B"H and we should be happy for others successes and hopefully one day soon you will be the one able to shop.

There are plenty of successful business people in the frum world and so let them support the frum stores with their shopping why not?

These are the same people that pay full tuition which enables you to get a scholarship so you don't have to pay full tuition.

They are also the ones giving tzeddakah to a lot of organizations that probably have helped you out at one point or another. I should know as I used to be able to write very large checks to the very organizations that sometimes help me out now.

Please try not to judge or get jealous your turn will come really soon!

amother

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 8:34 pm

amother Wine wrote:

If you read the thread, you'll see that it's not about jealousy at all.
And no, those (mostly) aren't the same people that pay full tuition. Those are the people that paying tuition isn't a priority for them. Most people that pay full tuition, sacrifice to do so & don't live a high life. They live for themselves not for others. I know people that get tomchei shabbos every week but their kids wear expensive clothing every day. It's a crazy mentality in many communities.
(I don't need tuition scholarships or help from organizations, bh hashem should help further. I'm happy to live within our means.)

pg5

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 8:38 pm

I get by barely and I have some government help. Rent is skyrocketing high so money for food doesn’t really give me leeway to spend on clothing. Maybe if I wouldn’t have to pay rent I would be from those ppl filling up those bags 😉 I’m definitely not gonna spend if I don’t have.
I love shopping nice clothing ( for kids)I guess it’s a hobby.
And most prob these ppl enjoy shopping too doesn’t necessarily mean that they can afford it.

Mommyg8

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 8:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

If you read the thread, you'll see that it's not about jealousy at all.
And no, those aren't the same people that pay full tuition. Those are the people that paying tuition isn't a priority for them. Most people that pay full tuition, sacrifice to do so & don't live a high life. They live for themselves not for others.

There are plenty of people who do both. They pay tuition and they also buy all these high end clothing and shoes.

But why has this become a norm for EVERYBODY?

And btw, 175 shoes don't last THAT much longer than 80 dollar shoes. (I'm not talking about the wal mart special).

amother

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 9:00 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

Exactly. This.
So many people are whining how expensive tuition and food is and they must ask for a tuition break, but have no problem spending thousands on baby clothing. Skewed priorities.

amother

Opal

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 9:08 pm

Many ppl.have skewed priorities as also need to live up to the standards. It's a little nuts. I shop in kidichic, tottini, etc for my kids and feel like I spend enough. Lol
Bh I can afford more expensive if I want to and will go to a more expensive store if it's needed but in general I am not an expensive shopper.

I do agree though that there is a lot of complaining about tuition, I have also complained....I was raised by all four schools and pay a fortune in tuition and get no breaks at all....close to 50k a year. It's insane.

Bh we can afford what we need to buy I am a frugal shopper and feel that bh there is such nice cheaper lines that I try there first.

amother

Lightyellow

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 9:10 pm

Cheiny wrote:

I once read that "in" stands for insecure.

amother

DarkRed

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 9:18 pm

Can we stop all the wealthy bashing?
If someone is buying expensive items, who cares? Whether they can afford it or not is really irrelevant. You do you and let them live.

And in case you thought I am one of those women in the boutique clothing stores, you'll actually catch me shopping at Serendipity. Even Tottini isn't cheap enough for me!