Forming relationship with playgroup morah who you never meet

amother

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 12:05 pm

FTM here with almost 2 yr old son.

I work 8:30 to 3:30 at my job and can't do dropoff/ pickup (my husband who is in kollel does that for my son)

This past year, I felt like I never formed a relationship with his morah. I rarely saw her. I did drop him off a few times, and picked him up for appts in middle of the day occasionally. She would call or text if anything was wrong and send some pictures. Bh my son was happy to go, and from what I saw and heard from my husband, everything was safe etc.

The issue I had is that in general I have a hard time being assertive, and wasn't sure how to reach out to her when there was a minor issue (ex, he came home kind of cranky and I didn't know why, or was getting a bit of a diaper rash...) I feel like if I would've seen her regularly, it would just be easy to mention something lightly, or I would be able to ask a q about the day on the spot, or at least if we had a bit of a relationship she wouldn't see my texts as accusatory which happened once or twice.

How can I do better this year?

amother

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 12:56 pm

happy chick wrote:

Best option is to message the morah and ask whens a good time for her to talk. That way, she can hear your tone of voice.

Thanks.

You don't think she will think I am escalating if it's just for something small, not a big deal?

amother

NeonGreen

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:39 pm

For this coming year, would you be able to stop at her house on Erev Rosh Hashana with a small gift, like a honey dish or a cake? That way you will see her face to face and hopefully can shmooze for a couple of minutes so that you feel like you have a more personal relationship (yes, I know it will be Erev YT, but everyone likes a gift!). You can say that you are sorry you don't get to see her more often because of your work schedule and appreciate all her hard work taking care of her son. Then it may be less awkward in the future when you want to text or call her with a quick question.

amother

Begonia

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thanks.

You don't think she will think I am escalating if it's just for something small, not a big deal?

If I was the morah I’d get nervous getting a text asking for a call. Maybe that’s just me.

amother

Brunette

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 2:42 pm

Try texting her occasionally (at least every two weeks) with something positive. Like "cute project" or "my son said he had fun today". Or neutral like "there's a new package of diapers in his bag". Then it will be easier to drop her a text with negative information.

amother

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 5:25 pm

amother NeonGreen wrote:

Nice idea, thank you!

amother

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 5:25 pm

amother Begonia wrote:

If I was the morah I’d get nervous getting a text asking for a call. Maybe that’s just me.

Right that's what I was wondering as well... a text is more casual but otoh it's hard to interpret tone

amother

Tue, Aug 15 2023, 5:26 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

Thank you!

TwinsMommy

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 8:56 pm

amother OP wrote:

Right that's what I was wondering as well... a text is more casual but otoh it's hard to interpret tone

whatsapp voice notes are handy for those you want to HEAR you speak but you don't necessarily need a phone call, just a brief snippet of info related.

amother

Peony

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 1:14 am

Just reach out! I am a preschool Morah, but I still struggle with this. But the answer is to just make that call, or send that message - keep it light and friendly. Make sure you tell her how much your son enjoys.

neveralone

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 1:35 am

Send something small every Rosh Chodesh as a thank you can be something small like a danish or salad… add a positive comment on the mitzva note so you already have a relationship…

amother

Pewter

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 1:52 am

Think it's great to be in touch but no need to have a conversation about a diaper rash. Send a message like you're sending extra cream cause your kid has a rash. Not a thing to make a deal about.