Torn between nursing baby and hospitalized child

amother

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:16 pm

I feel torn between my daughter in the hospital and my baby that I need to nurse. It's hard to leave my child when she's not doing well.
Hopefully it's nothing too serious, but I want to see her out of the woods...

csstb

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:22 pm

That’s so hard! It seems like you’ve arranged things the best way possible, and both of your kids are getting love and attention. Hopefully it’s not going to be much longer, and if it will be, then in a few days you could reconsider the structure.

amother

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:25 pm

csstb wrote:

Thank you!
How else can I structure it? I would love out of the box ideas...

Rubber Ducky

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:29 pm

Sounds like you have already figured out the most practical way to do this in the short term.

If your little girl will be in the hospital for several more days, perhaps you could pump some milk for the baby and stay at the hospital longer.

amother

Eggplant

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:40 pm

My first child had a medical condition and was in hospital a lot up to the age of 4. I was always thinking that I don't know how I would do it if I would have another child, I would feel so torn so I totally get you. (I had fertility issues and didn't get pregnant)
Her last hospital admission was when my next child was 10 weeks old, I booked a baby night nurse to come down and she stayed in a hotel down the road with my baby (the hospital was over an hour from where we live) and brought the baby whenever she needed a feed. During the day, she also went for some walks. It worked very well for us

amother

Impatiens

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:41 pm

Does the hospital have a Bikur Cholim room? Maybe your husband can bring the baby there, you meet him there, he spends some time with your daughter while you spend some time with the baby and nurse, then you switch back. Maybe for like two feedings a day?

amother

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:42 pm

Rubber Ducky wrote:

I'm pumping so I don't loose my supply, but my baby refuses to take bottles.

amother

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:44 pm

amother Eggplant wrote:

Wow, that's amazing that you hired a nurse and put her up in hotel. Sounds like a great solution. Hopefully I'll be out soon enough and won't need to do this, but it's a good option to keep in mind. Wondering who I would trust.

mom of 8

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:46 pm

Maybe have a well tab ( video hookup) for the hospital so that you can still be there for your daughter. Can't help your husbands crankiness...but maybe you have other relatives or girls that can take a shift?

amother

Heather

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 9:48 pm

This sounds so hard. Your heart is in both places. It sounds like you're doing the best possible, given the challenging circumstances. Is there a grandmother or single aunt that is available and your child in the hospital likes? Sometimes another family member can step in to take a shift and it makes a big difference. Sorry if I'm way off here, just thinking what others I know have done in similar difficult situations.

amother

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 11:26 pm

amother Heather wrote:

If it's for a longer time, we'll have to consider that.
My daughter isn't a good frame of mind to be ok with someone other than parents.

amother

Lightgray

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 12:02 am

I just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking of you. I was in the same situation last year and it was not easy. My husband ended up staying in the hospital and I went back and forth. My baby also wouldn’t take my pumped milk so he had formula and he was already 9-10 months old so he was able to have solids too.

amother

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 12:43 am

amother Lightgray wrote:

Thanks for the validation.
I''yh will get through it.
Bh super grateful that it's not too serious and that I have a husband that can take over.

I hope I'll be able to sleep. Every time I close my eyes I picture my little cutie so sad in her bed....

amother

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 1:21 am

Now that I'm home I'm also realizing how triggering the hospital is for me. A close relative was in the hospital a few years ago and passed away. I was there for many days and nights. Bh my daughter is in for a minor thing. But the constant beeping and looking at the o2, pulse, and blood pressure got me very anxious. I think I over reacted and was literally afraid that everything will go downhill fast.
It's now that I'm home and all the memories of hospital stays is flooding back that I'm realizing how it brought up this whole trauma that was so neatly packed away already.

I know logically that I'm grossly over reacting, but I just want to bring my daughter home. Crying

amother

Aqua

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 1:45 am

Honestly to me it's not a comparison. A hospital is a very scary place for a child. Your priority is to be there for her.
Pump for the baby. Eventually the baby should take the bottle. Bottles are a normal regular way to feed a baby, and your baby is still getting the nutrition from breast milk.
Obviously switch off with DH but don't leave your child with anyone else, if the child will be scared.

amother

Fri, Aug 18 2023, 1:48 am

amother Aqua wrote:

Thanks. Feeling less guilty for leaving my baby all day. She doesn't take bottles. I can't just leave her starving! Bh she just started eating some solids so she's not starving but she still needs to nurse.