High functioning asd

amother

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 10:57 am

I’m at a loss about what to do. I feel like the school system has no place for my daughter. She is on the spectrum and is not functioning in a mainstream classroom. She is also smart, and does not belong in a special ed class. The mainstream school doesn’t have the resources to keep her in the classroom, and every program we’ve tried that could accommodate her emotionally has her bored out of her box because she’s not learning because she’s with kids that are several grade levels below her academically. What do I do? Where should I go with her? In there any school in the ny/nj area that is geared for this?

amother

Poppy

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 11:05 am

amother OP wrote:

There is no place for these kids. BTDT with my son.
What worked for us was a mainstream placement not with a shadow - he's too high functioning to be a teen with a shadow, but with a mentor trained in ASD. The mentor pulled him out of class twice a day for half an hour to work on social and emotional skills and regulation, he also spoke to teachers and kept an eye open during recess then worked on what he saw to improve things.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 11:44 am

I know of a boys elementary and high school for HFA but I don't know anything for girls unfortunately. However, mainstream is not always the best answer because these kids need to learn certain skills to help them become functional adults. Keeping a child in a school with a shadow may get thrown through the system but they will probably be lacking in Jew areas crucial for adult functioning.
Op, I'm assuming your daughter is socially ok in the current school and only the learning is an issue. In that's case, what I would recommend is to find the best special Ed school with the most receptive and knowledgeable principal who will make sure to differentiate the curriculum for your daughter. Request and follow through for individualized computer programs on her level for math and English at the very least. Alternatively, there is a program called ichud in Brooklyn that has a grade in each bais Yaakov and maybe there is an option for her to mainstream for the subjects she excels in and be with the special class for everything else. Sinai schools I think have that option as well

amother

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 11:59 am

amother Floralwhite wrote:

I know of a boys elementary and high school for HFA but I don't know anything for girls unfortunately. However, mainstream is not always the best answer because these kids need to learn certain skills to help them become functional adults. Keeping a child in a school with a shadow may get thrown through the system but they will probably be lacking in Jew areas crucial for adult functioning.
Op, I'm assuming your daughter is socially ok in the current school and only the learning is an issue. In that's case, what I would recommend is to find the best special Ed school with the most receptive and knowledgeable principal who will make sure to differentiate the curriculum for your daughter. Request and follow through for individualized computer programs on her level for math and English at the very least. Alternatively, there is a program called ivdu in Brooklyn that has a grade in each bais Yaakov and maybe there is an option for her to mainstream for the subjects she excels in and be with the special class for everything else. Sinai schools I think have that option as well

Her issue is exactly the opposite of what you’re describing. She is not socially ok, and learning is not the issue.

amother

Poppy

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 12:01 pm

amother Floralwhite wrote:

I know of a boys elementary and high school for HFA but I don't know anything for girls unfortunately. However, mainstream is not always the best answer because these kids need to learn certain skills to help them become functional adults. Keeping a child in a school with a shadow may get thrown through the system but they will probably be lacking in Jew areas crucial for adult functioning.
Op, I'm assuming your daughter is socially ok in the current school and only the learning is an issue. In that's case, what I would recommend is to find the best special Ed school with the most receptive and knowledgeable principal who will make sure to differentiate the curriculum for your daughter. Request and follow through for individualized computer programs on her level for math and English at the very least. Alternatively, there is a program called ivdu in Brooklyn that has a grade in each bais Yaakov and maybe there is an option for her to mainstream for the subjects she excels in and be with the special class for everything else. Sinai schools I think have that option as well

Why would you assume that? I would assume the opposite. That she is up to grade level or further academically but is finding it difficult to navigate the social piece. For that she needs to stay mainstream with support on the social side.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 12:19 pm

I'm sorry I wasn't clear. I meant I assume she is ok socially in the special Ed class she is in now, but academically ahead of them. The choices are mainstream with help or special Ed with enhanced academics differentiated for her. I would recommend the latter. If, in her current school she is neither socially nor academically ok, then she definitely needs a switch

amother

Poppy

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 12:22 pm

amother Floralwhite wrote:

OP said she is mainstreamed now and not coping. so why would you think she is special ed? She said she is not coping - I assume socially but she is too advanced for special ed. So mainstream with support would be the best option.

amother

Wine

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 12:55 pm

In an ideal world, the mainstream schools would let our kids have the support they need. Unfortunately, the minute something is a little out of the box, they don't want to deal with it and say special ed. I have a child in the same situation. We sent to Sinai, they have enough hfa kids that they are able to group them accordingly and challenge them appropriately academically. I still feel it's not ideal because though they're getting help and support with the social stuff, I think it would be better to be mostly mainstream with some pull out rather than the other way around. But if the school isn't willing to work with you, it's the best there is. And if mainstreaming down the line is something you want, they will work to make it happen. Bh my child that went to Sinai for several years is mainstream now.

amother

DarkGray

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 1:24 pm

This is my DS. I had him in a mainstream school until 5th grade he was not coping well at all, was also being bullied a lot. I had to take him out of his school. I could not get him into another mainstream school for 5th grade. My only choices were special ed or a coed school that catered to kids who couldn't get into regular school. We chose special ed and he stayed until graduating 12th grade. Would I do it again, I honestly don't know, the first year was great and he thrived and after that he was in classes with kids much older than him and with tremendous behavioral problems, he was not a problem so I cant say they focused much on his issues bc comparatively, he was a pleasure to have in class..but he suffered being with kids with so many issues. I had no options back then..good luck!

amother

Grape

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 1:51 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

Bullying is a different story, in case of bullying then I agree OP's daughter should go to another school or learning setting. No one deserves to be bullied.

amother

Milk

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 1:53 pm

If she is keeping up/ahead academically, if it were my child I’d do everything possible to make a regular classroom work- pull out for social training, give teacher information and tools to try to help, work behind the scenes to identify classmates with amazing middos to be allies, etc. She needs good peer role models to learn how to acclimate to a neuro-typical geared world. Putting her in an environment with poor role models would be my last resort if I come to the conclusion that my child doesn’t have a future within mainstream society. So the remaining question is, which school is most likely to work with you. If you have other children of the same gender doing well in their school, that would be my first choice since hopefully you already have a good relationship with the hanhala.

amother

Whitesmoke

Mon, Oct 09 2023, 9:01 pm

This is my DS. In another community we might be able to make a mainstream school work if we had a lot of money. He has ASD, ADHD, and dysgraphia, but is gifted academically. So most special education programs do not work. Even socially they don't work, to be honest -- they just reduce some of his behaviors. Overall he does better in a mainstream class, though not if it's too big. He is one of the children who responds to peer models, so a special class can actually worsen his behavior. The piece he needs from special education is the explicit instruction in executive function and emotional regulation. Now that the writing demands have increased he also needs extra assistance, both technical and as a scribe in some classes.

In my community there was no way to get that combination and we were forced to go to public school. I have heard that Sulam in Silver Spring can work with this population but moving is currently not possible for us and it might be getting too late to get him back into the Jewish system Sad

I wish I sounded less negative, I have heard that a few schools can handle these kids. I've heard SAR can. A shadow is fine for some issues (kid needs assistance with work, or like mine, needs a scribe). What they often need is a mainstream class academically but not too big (of course class sizes depend on school type and community) and with focused supports for social skills and executive function. Many mainstream Jewish schools don't have those supports.

The problem is that putting these kids into a mainstream class without the right supports hurts them--it makes them hate both school and themselves. So pushing too hard for mainstream when it isn't the right setting isn't good, either.