Feeling poor | Imamother

amother

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 10:43 pm

amother Coral wrote:

300k, and she considers herself poor.
We're a family of 9, making less than 100k.

So much depends on your expenses. I'm much poorer now than I was making less...but my non negotiable expenses have gone way up and I make too much for programs. I literally scrimp on everything and I'm just scraping by by the skin of my teeth.

amother

Almond

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 10:56 pm

OP we are seriously considering moving to E"Y because of finances. We only have one kid now and my job has no growth potential, so I will be making the same in 10 years with more kids. At least in e"y it might be considered a somewhat comfortable parnassa. My SIL is Israeli, makes about 15k NIS a month (around $4k) and she bought an apartment in Jlem, is able to go out to eat, DH is in kollel....

amother

Orange

Sun, Oct 22 2023, 11:17 pm

amother Almond wrote:

To actually buy an apartment in Jerusalem, she must have either had significant savings or help from parents (I know that's a big thing in chareidi Israeli shidduchim, parents giving money towards that). Just something to keep in mind. Apts in Jerusalem are extremely expensive.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:52 am

amother OP wrote:

Does misery love company? It's good to know that I'm not alone but hard to see so many in the same matzav...

What kinds of jobs? I think my issue is mainly with loans, these fancy programs like pharmacy and law school can cost anywhere from 150 k to 200 k for the education. This is why I’m constantly regretting my decision. So, when people hear someone has one of those jobs, they think money, you should think loans… debt….

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:55 am

amother Alyssum wrote:

The gifts are out of control. Every week for another niece or nephew. $25, $40, $70.
I don’t have the money. For a neighbor? I would say I wish I could contribute, hopefully next time.
For family gifts I can’t exactly say this.
I have a big expense I need to pay for tomorrow and I don’t know where the money is coming from. It’s several hundred dollars.

I stopped buying my nephew gifts once I got pregnant. I need that money for my baby.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:56 am

amother Moccasin wrote:

I’m in the same boat. It’s so crazy because dh makes close to 300 and we’re still not making it. Between tuition, mortgage, private therapies, food, clothing and shoes I don’t even have enough for Mikvah at the end of the month. I end up not fully paying for a service or a bill to pay for very basics. And I don’t buy any takeout, bakery, shop at the cheapest store, no name brands, do my own sheitels, no cleaning help, I can go on. Life has become unaffordable recently. I’m wondering if any other country or state is easier with parnossah at the end of the day homes may be cheaper in nj but u need 2 cars which means more insurance, gas, upkeep, bigger home which means bigger bills… so not any easier there

How many kids do you have? Did your husband also have to pay for outrageous tuition or his a business guy?

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:58 am

amother Burgundy wrote:

Society tells us that "gifts" are a must and we can spend a minimum $5,000/year we don't have on gifts. Society and misguided social pressures are the culprit

Just stop buying gifts and be honest, you need the money for your children.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 2:01 am

amother Coral wrote:

300k, and she considers herself poor.
We're a family of 9, making less than 100k.

Do you have tuition assistance? Do you get Medicaid or food stamps? All these things can help. When people see pharmacy or lawyer they see money signs not outrageous loans. This is where people misjudge pharmacists and lawyers.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 2:02 am

amother OP wrote:

Exactly and then you start questioning is it worth it to work?

amother

Begonia

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 2:08 am

amother Coral wrote:

300k, and she considers herself poor.
We're a family of 9, making less than 100k.

After taxes, she's probably coming home with more like $200k. Plus no subsidized health insurance, no tuition discounts, no government assistance whatsoever.

I know it's hard to imagine, we were making $40k for years and now that we're making over $100k we're not in much better shape. But in those days making $100k sounded like a dream. In reality you don't end up with $60k of discretionary income though.

amother

Moccasin

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 11:27 am

amother Coral wrote:

300k, and she considers herself poor.
We're a family of 9, making less than 100k.

That’s really not nice and so judgmental. It sounds like a ton I get it but after taxes, full tuition no breaks, mortgage, therapies for special needs child, therapy for anxiety ridden dh, food, insurance, basic clothing, basic bills we have negative every single month. We haven’t gone out to eat in months - only for anniversary. Have stopped buying simcha gifts, birthday gifts, Chanukah gifts. Think before we spend a single penny. No available help bc we ‘make so much’. Then add in the other stuff like Mikvah, barber, girl haircuts and the like. We need to buy the kids winter coats and have exactly zero dollars to pay for it. Ds is having his bar mitzvah in a few months and we have zero dollars for tefillin and small kiddish and boys party. So ye, life is bliss. Bh bh no one is sick sick and we live in a city with lots of options for therapies and schools for our kids.

amother

Apple

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 12:39 pm

Same. DH took an extra job starting June and somehow we have even less. Our tax bracket is higher, tuition committee not very generous based on our gross income... $57 in bank today and credit cards way behind. Waiting for payday, but thats really going straight to mortgage and tuition. our gross income is $175k.... life really costs.

amother

Almond

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:32 pm

amother Orange wrote:

she got married "later" at 23 so was able to save for 3 years. my in laws are poor they didnt help.

OP how can we work on our emuna? its so hard. im playing catch up with bills since I just got paid the other day after 3 months of no paycheck and it just all went straight to bills!

amother

Blushpink

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:38 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

I'm not an "aliya is for everyone at this point" fan. But if you're asking about other countries, living here in Israel is way, way cheaper.
Schooling is cheap or free.
Medical insurance is very minimal cost.
Most times you don't need to run two cars.
You can get excellent therpay on insurance.
CHildren who need extra help in school can get it government funded.
There is way, way less competition and social pressure.

On a 300 000 you would be rich here.

amother

Blushpink

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:39 pm

amother Orange wrote:

Can I correct that? Apartments in CENTRAL Jerusalem or in Chutznik areas are extremely expensive. If you don't mind living a bit further out, you can get better prices.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:52 pm

300k and still poor just doesnt add up. Were at 230 a family of seven and while we live frugally we are not poor. We choose to live simply, wear hand me downs, have a modest home, dont indulge in fancy foods, use the food pantry, rarely have cleaning help and occasional take out, occasionally go on cheap vacations (1-2k). This way we can save to renovate our home iyh, save for modest simchas, pay for tutors, extra curricular, and therapies for our kids to help them be the best they can be and pay almost full tuition (37k). Yes I can call myself poor because I cant get everything I want and still need to have pancakes and sandwiches for suppers and take handme downs to make my budget work.

But I'm not poor. I'm trying to make smart financial decisions. I am investing in my children's wellbeing and our future financial stability.

Stop calling yourself poor if you live in a huge house! Sell the house, buy something you can afford and invest in your future so that one day you can actually afford a beautiful home!

amother

NeonOrange

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 1:59 pm

amother Chartreuse wrote:

Yes. we have 8 people in our house, total income is about$110k. we dont feel poor. yes our mortgage payemnts are low. it can be done.

amother

Hosta

Mon, Oct 23 2023, 2:00 pm

amother NeonOrange wrote:

Yes. we have 8 people in our house, total income is about$110k. we dont feel poor. yes our mortgage payemnts are low. it can be done.

Are you on government programs?

Low mortgages aren’t really an option anymore for new home buyers with today’s interest rates Sad