Epidermal nevus on neck- toddler self conscious

amother1223

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 8:57 am

My 2 year old has epidermal nevus on his neck it’s a one inch long and 2 cm wide nubby looking line and it’s not super obvious because of the folds on his neck, but it is there. Yesterday my 15 year old nephew came over with the 2 year old and asked what is this on his neck? It looks like chicken. My son got very self conscious, it was obvious. My son hasn’t been to school yet, and he’s generally a very bubbly sweet smart outgoing type of kid BH. What can I do to protect him from feeling self conscious? How can I make him comfortable with it, when he eventually asks? Or should I bring it up first? It’s not removable as it has “roots” and will “grow” back if it is removed and might look worse, it’s there for life ASAIK.

Last edited by amother1223 on Mon, Oct 30 2023, 10:27 am; edited 3 times in total

Tzutzie

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:06 am

Laugh at it. With him. Kiss it. Tell him you love every part of him including this cuz it's him. And it's the best thing ever.

My 10yo dd has 2 beauty spots on her face. They are like huge brown raised freckles. We had planned once she gets older we might have it removed. Especially that dh had similar and he was always self conscious about it. It was never a "thing" it just was I let her know she's absolutely beautiful and those marks only add to her character (they do!)

Recently it randomly came up and I mentioned that some ppl who have it, choose to remove it. She was HORRIFIED. She tells me she loves it! ❤️
That's fine with me. It really doesn't look ugly.
She might one day change her mind and that's OK. But for now, she's loving it.
We call it her beauty marks.
And when she draws herself she always makes sure it's there.

amother

Clematis

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:10 am

Is there any way to make it seem “cool” to have differences
If we all looked alike how would mommy know who to pick up from play group. I might take the wrong kid home and give someone else cookies and milk, and give them favorite toy.
Oh no we would all be so sad.
I love that I know who you are because EVERYONE looks different.
Daddy has a rounder nose and mommy has thinner lips. Imagine if mommy and daddy looked the same you wouldn’t know who is who. I’m glad we all look different.

When he’s older if it still bothers him a little cover up might help

amother

Daylily

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:13 am

Op I know what I’m saying is not politically correct, but if it looks weird or a a little yuck I would figure out a way to remove it. Kids are really insensitive and blunt and so are adults! If it really unappealing you need to figure something out. It’s too hard and unreasonable in my opinion to expect him to accept it if everywhere he goes people will be noticing it.
(I say this as a mom that is deciding about a plastic surgery that has risk but still might be worth it)

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:15 am

Everything said above.

Note- in many cases they can be removed/treated, and in some cases should be. There are various ways, including some with multiple stages. If you haven't already, it may be worth it to see a good vascular surgeon just for a consult, to get a baseline on it's size and appearance and location and how it feels, and keep monitoring it for any changes.

amother

Denim

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:21 am

amother Daylily wrote:

I agree with this 1000%. My daughter has a birthmark thats somewhat inconspicuous and the doc was like oh, its not readily apparent, you don't need surgery and I was scared to have my precious baby in surgery (it would have been 2 surgeries). Fast forward some years, and yes kids began to notice it in middle school when they just sit and stare for hours at the kid in the desk next to them. And make remarks. Ewww what is that.. I wish we would have done it when the skin was soft and small. Now, it would be way more complex

amother1223

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:34 am

amother Daylily wrote:

It’s not a regular birthmark. It’s formed by dna and cells the first weeks after conception during zygote phase and sometimes it even covers the whole torso, two derms we saw told us we’re lucky it’s small, relatively speaking. Our family’s custom is to grow a beard so I was thinking when he’s older it will cover it. The mark has roots so even with removing it, it will most likely grow back. So it’s more complicated then just doing plastic surgery, it’s literally a part of him.

Last edited by amother1223 on Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:36 am; edited 1 time in total

amother1223

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:37 am

amother Denim wrote:

I’m so so sorry to hear this. I am wondering though for a girl fee vanity is much more important. Do you agree?

amother1223

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:39 am

amother Seafoam wrote:

For epidermal nevus specifically?

amother

Snow

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:42 am

My older son and older daughter had large birthmarks on their necks and we got them removed in about 15 min with local anasthesia. Yes we are aware of all risks of recurrence. Our dermatologist is Dr Fox at Advanced Dermatology in Queens and the surgeon that works with him is Dr Taglienti who is amazing and also removed a mole from my nose. He said the same things - it might grow back and be worse - and I said okay I’ll take the risk.

amother

Denim

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:43 am

amother1223 wrote:

I’m so so sorry to hear this. I am wondering though for a girl fee vanity is much more important. Do you agree?

I think all kids can be thoughtless in the younger years. Some can be cruel. And some just say things that they would never say as an adult because they have no filter so they aren't trying to mean when they say ewww, it just pops out of their mouth because its in their mind. I also said, Oh, she'll wear a shaitel and it will cover. But the beards and shaitels don't come for quite a long while.

It works when they're young to say kisses from Hashem and things like that. But not so much when they're 10, 12, etc. And it hurts until other kids get old enough to control their middos and not comment on everything they see. I don't think its vanity, really...

amother

Ebony

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 9:53 am

amother Snow wrote:

Birthmark and mole is different then epidermal nevus. What did your kids have?

amother

Snow

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 10:11 am

We have a history of large birthmarks in my family. I had a mole on my nose and my other dermatologist told me that nothing can be done. Over 10 years later I had an idea to try Dr Taglienti and he took it right off with no scarring. A few months later I went back to back on birth control and the estrogen made the mole reappear a tiny bit but now it looks like a freckle, not a mole. My husband had an ambiguous mole on his back (could possible have been precancerous) and again Dr Taglienti took it out in less than 10 min. And for my kids also, was quick and painless. The only kid that has an issue that can’t be treated is one with a cafe au lait mark on her face because it’s just a discoloration and not something that can be removed. I’m not saying that you are wrong in what you are thinking how, but it might be worth it to keep looking for other opinions.

amother

Silver

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 10:46 am

Op, I have a daughter with a facial vascular anomaly. She’s still fairly young, but does get comments from classmates. B’H we’ve been working on her confidence and self love and for the most part she’s ok with her looks. We always tell her how beautiful she is and how Hashem chose her to have this special cute__ (area that’s affected).
We’re very open about her medical history and why she looks the way she does and don’t stop telling her how much we love her, how beautiful, delicious and precious she is.

Empower your son and siblings to stand up to comments from others.

My preschool dc has a classmate with a severe severe facial deformity. This kid is so so confident, top of the class and the leader. When anyone comments about face, this little kid straightens shoulders, looks that person in the eyes and says “ich hub chein fin di Eibershter alien” (I have chein just from Hashem).
This kid loves her/himself and because of the self acceptance and confidence has no issues in school etc.

There’s a book we got once called Buddy Boobys birthmark. I’m sure there are more books out there and that might be nice for your child to be read.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 11:03 am

Very different--but my daughter was born with a small bump on the bridge of her nose. It's skin color, but hair grows out of it. When my daughter was about 4 she started asking why she had hair there and that she didn't like it. Other kids were commenting. By 5 she was begging for it to be removed. The doctor said when she's older we can try electrolysis, but not on a 5 year old on the bridge of her nose, right between her eyes. But the poor kid was having self image issues. We took her to a beautician who waxed it off and told us the hair would grow back. So we wax it every so often. Without the hair growth, the harmless bump is less noticeable. And she feels good about herself.

I don't have it removed when I notice the hair growing back. I wait until she notices and asks. She's only 6 now and I don't want to make a big deal about it unless it bothers her.

amother

Seafoam

Mon, Oct 30 2023, 11:36 am

amother1223 wrote:

For epidermal nevus specifically?

Yes. I can't speak to the exact kind your dc has, but my dc had one removed with a combination of surgical excision and laser to deaden the "roots." It was starting to really thicken and cause some unpleasant feelings, among other possible functional complications (the locations of a birthmark can cause some minor or major issues if it grows or thickens in a complicated way, for example). One other option is to have the bulk of it removed and manage the rest with periodic treatments.

Neither may apply to you- I don't know. But based on my semi-extensive experience with birthmarks like this and how seemingly harmless things at birth can be a big deal later on, I would see a good pediatric vascular surgeon now to get an evaluation. The Vascular Birthmark Foundation websites has good ones. If you're in or near the NY/NJ area, there is at least one thread on this site with some suggestions. Again, your dermatologists may be 100% correct, but unfortunately, often these types of things aren't fully understood by many medical professionals. It's worth making a call and asking.