The power of tefila. My story.

amother

Sat, Nov 04 2023, 6:03 pm

I havent davened in a siddur for over a decade. I had a lot of anger at Hashem for a few big things in my life. I was just not able to daven. I tried a few times here and there. It never worked. My anger was steonger than my desire to try to get back my relationship with Hashem.
Then oct 7th happened. Then the war began. I saw so much unity. I didnt really know what to do to do my part. Someone sent me a video of a soldier telling everyone that the most important thing to be doing right now was to be davening to Hashem.
Im not sure why that just spoke to me, but it did. It pulled on my neshama. It took me a few days, but today, while home with my kids, I decided to pick up my siddur and try. And I davened bircos hashachar. Felt nice. I davened shema, felt good. I davened shemonah esrei shacharis and mussaf. I felt something that I knew had been missing from my neshama for the last decade of my life. I felt Hashem give me a hug. I exhaled so deeply after I finished.
I realized that the anger that was in me for the last decade is still there, but so much smaller and so not important right now. Right now, the power of tefila is more important than wny anger I had been feeling.
Im going to try and daven every morning going forwars. And if I run out of time before I leave for work, Ill try to do mincha or maariv.

mirror

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 1:13 am

Please continue to daven. I know that life has been hard for you, but Hashem loves you more than you will ever know. Sometimes we don't see how Hashem has our back, and sometimes we don't seen the reasons for the bad. But Hashem loves you and is watching over you every split second of every day.

amother

Oleander

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 1:23 am

I'm so happy for you. What a special connection to regain! I'm still in your first phase. Not because I'm angry (though one could argue that I have what to be angry about if I chose), simply because I just don't feel any personal connection when I daven, it feels like rote words I have to mouth and I just don't feel like I'm actually doing anything real. I talk to Hashem all the time, I say thank you for things and ask Him for things, I just can't daven the actual tefillos, I'm bored and can't make myself sit thru it.

amother

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 5:35 am

mirror wrote:

I am going to try my hardest to keep davening every day.
I was only able to daven birchos hashachar this morning. And I was actually sad that I didnt have time to say more. Im going to try to daven mincha or maariv.

amother

Sun, Nov 05 2023, 5:37 am

amother Oleander wrote:

So for me it was never about bordem. It was the fact thag I was so angry that I couldnt daven. I didnt daven for probably over a decade because of that.