What should I do? My 14 yr got a smartphone

amother

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:50 pm

My son is in a very small high school. it's a yeshiva for boys that have a hard time sitting and learning.
All the boys are yeshivish or chasiddish.
My son has been begging for a phone which I don't want him to have. He had a flip phone for the summer because he was working in a camp but now during school there is no reason for him to have one.
He came home today with a smart phone that he found in the yeshiva dumpster. The rosh hayashiva told him he could keep it.
He said that it is his and I don't gave any right to take it away and he wants to activate it and pay for it.
What should I do now?

amother

Blue

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:53 pm

You are still his mother and are the only person responsible for his growth and well being. If you feel he shouldn’t have it, take it away. It’s your right as his parent to decide. End of story. I’d let my kid whine and get over it.

amother

Turquoise

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:58 pm

Would you verify this story with the rosh yeshiva?
Seems odd to me to find a smartphone in working condition in a dumpster…I’m skeptical.

If you need to agree to get him a smartphone, I would insist it needs to be filtered.
My teens in mainstream yeshivish schools have filtered iPhones with apps and no browser or internet. I know it’s not the popular opinion, but I think it’s sometimes more kosher than some of the “kosher” style flip phones where kids are watching who knows what on tiny screens…

amother

Phlox

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 10:58 pm

I'd pick up the phone and give this rosh yeshiva a piece of my mind. How dare he take the responsibility of telling a 14 year old that they can have a smartphone???? Unbelievable.
Or this is just a lie your son concocted and he somehow got hold of the phone.

amother

Clover

Mon, Nov 27 2023, 11:06 pm

amother Blue wrote:

Taking it away, he’ll probably just go out and buy a new one. Except next time he’ll know not to say something and just hide it from you. At least here you can create rules and keep tabs on his usage and what’s available on it. Sometimes parents are forced into situations we aren’t happy with but we make the best of it because that is what our child needs right now.

I don’t believe he found a working phone in a dumpster and the principal told him it’s ok. I’d more likely assume he went out and bought it and just didn’t want to admit to it. Clearly this is something important to him right now so try to figure out a compromise that leaves you both happy