Do girls light menorah?

amother

Phlox

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 11:04 am

In my family, the girls lit if they wanted. some years/nights/daughters yes, some no. Not based on age, but I think we all chose to stop as we got older.
In my husband's family, the men and boys light.
Our girls are of the age that they're making menorahs in school every year, so they get to put in colorful candles (which is what they're excited about anyway) and display them, but don't light. (I think we had decided the first year this came up, that if the girl really wanted to light, then we'd let.) I like this for safety anyway!
all ashkenaz

amother

DarkViolet

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 11:09 am

I'm chassidish. My girls light their own menorah's and stopped on their own when ever they wanted. I think one at 13 and one at 14. It wasn't discussed but it might have been due to their brother's being negative about them lighting.

LovesHashem

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 11:45 am

amother Lightcoral wrote:

Similar vibe with women-only zimmun and also mayim achronim.

Mayim achronim: https://ohr.edu/this_week/insi...../5285

Women-only zimmun: https://outorah.org/p/5707/

Oh yes! Actually dh when we got married definitely learned women have a chiyuv in mayim achronim and always encouraged me to do so when it got passed around somewhere.

Although we have never been makpid on doing it at home (we probably should) for both of us.

I read here once a famous rebbetzin did a shalosh sheudis weekly for women and the made a mizumenet. I wish I remembered the name....

LovesHashem

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 11:51 am

amother Pearl wrote:

It’s not the lighting per se. It’s just that seemingly according to ashkenazi minhag it’s less ideal if women don’t light. Instead of just saying so women should light they go through all the mental gymnastics of why it’s good or ok women shouldn’t light.

Believe it or not, I never had an issue with these things until I started learning, and I gave up learning because of it. When things are logical and make sense according to the Halachick system I’m ok with it. When it doesn’t but they give reasons like “tznius”, “shalom bayis” (it would bother the men?!?!?!), or something like that, it constantly made me wonder why if they want women should be less committed to being Ehrlich. Because when I was happily living my life at status quo none of this bothered me.

When I decided I need to shape up and started davening and learning more I realized that according to many rabbis, they would just prefer I don’t. Or they would want me to be committed, but make it extremely difficult and discourage me at every turn?

I don’t know how to make sense of it. I am hoping that maybe one day I’ll be strong enough to go back, learn and address my questions.

I can't agree more.

I'm grateful I have rabbanim and people in my life who encourage me to ask and question and to do whats halachically right rather than just go with what society says.

amother

Plum

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 1:42 pm

We're Chabad. Everyone lights under bar mitzva, with a bracha. My boys over bar mitzva got nice ones for bar mitzva and will continue forever iyh. This is the first year I have a daughter over Bas Mitzvah and this year she wanted to light, and did. In fact, there was one year where the Rebbe specifically asked all girls, including over Bas Mitzvah, to light. I'm the only one who doesn’t, and when my kids ask why I tell them me and DH are a team.
My daughter will continue as long as she wants to, but if she does it, she does it fully and properly, including haneiros halalu.

amother

Emerald

Thu, Dec 14 2023, 9:50 pm

amother Plum wrote:

I'm Chabad also. We lit that year when the Rebbe said to (5748 I think), and a few other years when we made menorahs in school that we wanted to light. But it wasn't actually encouraged in our family.

Now my sons light with candles as soon as they express interest, and oil once they are old enough to light near their rooms. Our girls don't light at all.

If they want to, I let them (it's happened once or twice).