DS and Dd need sharing hotel room for pesach

WhatFor

Tue, Jan 09 2024, 9:23 pm

Why is everyone making this about zex? Gross. It's reasonable for a 22 year old woman to want privacy from an adult man who isn't her DH, regardless of whether it's her brother, father, uncle, cousin, friend, or neighbor. It's not like she's in some dire situation where circumstances forced them all into the same place. Her parents are paying for a luxury, but in a way that ultimately makes her uncomfortable. And I don't think that that's very considerate.

As far as those posters saying she should pay for it, I guess that depends on your values. I don't think that parents need to fund their adult children's vacations, but I don't consider this the same as a "vacation". Pesach is a time that most Jews consider family time. If you place high value on family being together, then you wouldn't charge your child exorbitant fees to attend.

It's one thing if you sat down with your adult kids and asked if they'd prefer to chip in and go to a hotel, or do Pesach at home. At least then you're showing that you value family time over vacation time and you'll go with whatever works for everyone. But pesach hotel rooms are extremely expensive. Most 22 year olds don't have years of savings that it makes sense to spend thousands of dollars (if not much more) for Pesach. If you're simply informing your child that you're going to a hotel for Pesach and if they'd like to join they need to spend thousands, you're basically saying you'd put your hotel stay above being with them for Pesach.

Don't get me wrong. Parents can totally go away for Pesach without their adult kids. But it's sending a message of how much you value Pesach as a time for family. And don't go crying when for they later go to their ILs every Pesach because family-time on Pesach is so important to their spouse, when for you, it was not as important.

Mama Bear

Tue, Jan 09 2024, 9:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

I know- first world problems and it really isn't, but ideas please. Going away for pesach (yay) but will need to put 22 year old dd and 18 year old ds in the same room. DD not thrilled, but we can not paying for another room just for her.

Ideas for making the sleep arrangements more comfortable?

buy a folding partition at home depot to use as a mechitzah

amother

Darkblue

Tue, Jan 09 2024, 10:15 pm

The issue here is that she isn't comfortable with it. That's important and should be respected. BUT, I don't agree with the generalization that it's always weird, creepy, gross, inappropriate. I slept in the same room on vacation as my brothers who are very close in age and it never felt weird. We always had so much fun!
But to each their own.

amother

Lemonlime

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 3:52 am

amother Darkblue wrote:

Me too, but that was brothers plural. It's weirder to have a single adult sister and a single adult son sharing a room than multiple siblings.

I'm the only daughter in my family with multiple brothers. My parents were always careful to give me extra privacy. At home I had my own room once I turned 5 I think. On vacation we usually had two adjoining hotel rooms and I either got my own bed, shared with my youngest brother until he got too old for that (think preschool age), shared with my mother, or got a sleeping bag on the floor, depending on circumstances. If we ever rented an apartment or house for a longer stay, then I got my own space, whether that was sleeping on a couch or in a room the size of a closet. We're MO, by the way.