The email I'm not sending to my child's school (re tuition)

amother

Valerian

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 6:51 pm

As the daughter of a school administrator I can tell you the other side, dad is on heart and high blood pressure meds due to stress of running a school. He constantly crying to his rav that he can't handle the stress anymore ... No money coming in with huge payrolls and expenses. Rav says he has achraoyis to klal since he's got the talent to run a school.
Signed, a daughter thats behind in tuition and does not have rich dad to fall back on

amother

Junglegreen

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 6:58 pm

amother Whitesmoke wrote:

You're right to be frustrated. Still, there's a difference in chinuch and free groceries or clothing no?
I don't know what the solution is, it's tough, but the answer is definitely not kicking out families who can't pay the minute they're expected to.

There are definitely organizations that help with groceries and clothing. As there should be for tuition.

amother

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:01 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

Is it possible for one of you to give up your freelance type jobs and get a regular salaried position? It doesn’t sound like this is working.

Sure, but we'd make less money over the course of a year. DH can't get paid what he's making now on average in a salaried job. (If I started working, we'd need to pay childcare.)

He actually got a job offer for $60,000, and a much less fulfilling job. He's usually brings in more like $90,000, but not any specific schedule. (This year, it looks like it will be less than usual, but still more than $60,000.)

I guess the advantage of taking that job is that we'd be eligible for food stamps again.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:09 pm

amother OP wrote:

There are higher paying salaried jobs out there that would get him more than 90k.

amother

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:12 pm

amother Pearl wrote:

I just want to say that I am in awe of your response. I love your positive attitude (We don't have the funds YET) and it really does come through, although your pain is there as well. (yes, the end part is harsh). Your emotions are real.

You should be g'benched and have this pain bring much bracha and parnassah to your family.

Thank you for the brachos!

I know it was harsh. I'm not angry at them that they want money or that they are sending me an email asking to get paid already. It hurts but I get it.

I am however very very angry about how they handled us at the beginning of this year. They waited until the day before school started to let us know that our child could not come to school unless the full amount we owed from the previous year was paid up.

Of course at that point it was too late to transfer to a different school if that's what we had wanted to do, and our child was literally walking out the door ready to go to school when we found out.

They told us it's our problem to come up with the money and would absolutely not allow them in until it was paid in full (a significant sum).

DH called a bunch of influential people asking for help, and was told that this administrator is known to be very inflexible. We had no idea of what to do for a few days. Hashem helped and one person DH was speaking to was sitting with a wealthy person (still anonymous to us) who decided on the spot to give his maaser to the cause.

But our child who is B"H smart and motivated started that year on a very negative note. We were afraid they would not get back their enthusiasm after a blow like that.

We later found out that they do the same trick to other parents, because desperate parents will do anything for their children. I can't forgive them for putting us (and others) through that deliberately.

amother

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:22 pm

amother Seashell wrote:

Have you met with the school and discussed your plans for payment ahead of receiving this letter? If not, how to you expect them to be mind readers? If your plan is to pay in bits as your money comes in you need to discuss it with them ahead of time, not get upset when they come asking for owed monies.

I did tell them this when we first registered. They said they understood, but apparently did not actually understand that it meant we would not pay on time.

amother Teal wrote:

Would it make sense to get money from a gemach to cover the shortfall until you have the cash flow?

We were told by a Rav that we should not borrow any more money at this point. We already have a backlog of debt that we cannot be increasing. We limit our spending to what we have, which usually works.

amother Burgundy wrote:

There are higher paying salaried jobs out there that would get him more than 90k.

Of course. But not jobs DH is qualified for. We joke that he should go to law school (he is very smart and has some relatives who are lawyers) but that means we'll be without an income for a long time, and in our city, together with the lower cost housing there are also lower salaries, even for lawyers.

amother Lightblue wrote:

Get tomchei shabbos and food bank for food.
Send the amount of your grocery bill to school.
And please explain to them your job situation.

We are getting the assistance we are able to. Not as much as in a big city (that is the downside of living in a place with cheaper cost of living).

Our grocery bill is B"H almost nonexistent. $240 from one time when apparently the card didn't go through and I didn't know about it, otherwise I would have waited to buy food. Otherwise I only buy what we can pay for on the spot.

The school knows about our job situation. But (and I'm glad that this is the case) they do not ACTUALLY understand. People who have money often cannot comprehend what it's like when you don't. I think that they honestly believe that if we just prioritized tuition more, we'd be able to pay them. I do not wish on them that they understand. It's better that less Yidden understand.

amother

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:30 pm

amother Heather wrote:

Op please get a job.
Yes you will have to pay for childcare but you would still be left with a nice amount at the end of the day.
For example, if you work in an office and make $5k a month or $6k, you pay about $7 an hour to a group babysitting, about $750 a month and you still are left with a lot.

I have a job. I work from home. Yes it is inconsistent income, but I am bringing in money and can still be here for my baby and take care of my children when they are sick.

Part-time office jobs, especially paying on that scale, cannot easily be found in this part of the world. I can become a part-time secretary for a starting salary of $19 per hour here (and not be able to choose my hours). We don't live in Lakewood or Monsey. There isn't $7 group babysitting here either.

notshanarishona

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:34 pm

First of all, I am sorry for what you are going through. Second, if I was a school administrator, I would be annoyed that there is no apology in the letter. By causing their funds to be reversed, you likely caused them significant inconvenience and banking fees. The right thing to do is let someone know in advance that the check won’t go through, ie I am very sorry, but can you hold for 3 months.

amother

Navy

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:39 pm

OP while your will to pay full tuition is commendable, I think you should reevaluate your attitute of no difference whether your bill is 25K or 50K. You don't want to still be paying tuition off when you're a grandparent.

(IYH Hashem will bless you with ample parnassah before then. But, you still have to be realistic for the here and now. And that calls for asking a reduction in tuition.)

amother

Lightgreen

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:49 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

This was my point too. I saw entitlement, no apology.
Yes I agreed to be underpaid but not to be paid late. That is 100% dependent on the tuition coming in.
I believe the post about the administrator upthread! They can’t find money out of thin air. I don’t blame them! I will probably not sign contract for next year because working for late pay is not sustainable but I really don’t hold them accountable. I hold the parents who are not paying accountable!
I don’t know what the solution is but the stress should be on the parents at least as much as on the school. I’m not blaming OP but I don’t like the attitude! It’s really entitled and frustrating for us on the other side. At least apologize and try your hardest to fundraise for the service the school is providing YOU.

notshanarishona

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:51 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

I have worked for schools that were months late before and had to quit because I didn’t have any other source of income. It’s truly inexcusable for teachers to not get paid on time. Bh in my current city I have not seen this issue at all. Unfortunately it seems to be more “accepted “ in bigger cities. It’s a huge problem.

amother

Gray

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:51 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

I understand your pain but being a teacher in a school where they struggle to cover payroll and therefore are months behind in paying teachers leaves me scratching my head at your letter.
Do you write such letters to the grocery and expect free groceries?
Do you write such letters to the shoe stores and expect free shoes?
Do you write such letters to anyone else giving you goods or services?
Because although I hear your anger and pain I don’t feel your anger is justified. I see some entitlement too which rubs me the wrong way. Schools need to cover their expenses too! They don’t owe you a free education or teachers and principals working for you for free.
Signed,
A morah who’s underpaid in the first place on top of being paid late.

There’s help for literally everything else. WIC and food stamps for the grocery, section 8/HUD for housing, Medicaid for insurance, a gemach for last season’s shoes and clothes, utility payment plans and winter shutoff arrangements for utilities, payment plans for credit cards, gemachim for new kallahs, food deliveries for yt. Just tuition for chinuch- which is the foundation of our world, there are no accommodations for that.

amother

Lightgreen

Mon, Jan 22 2024, 7:53 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

I agree it’s inexcusable but I have no hard feelings on my school. I have no doubt that they’d pay me the minute they could. I feel awful but I’m most likely not going back.