When the gift is inadequate

amother

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 7:29 am

My MIL helps me a ton, recently she did something really nice for me and I want to get her a small gift, like flowers, but I feel weird because it’s just so inadequate. She helps me so much and I never get her anything. Is it still nice to send something small or is it just strange because of how inadequate it is?

lamplighter

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 7:47 am

There are gifts and there are gestures. She isn't expecting a gift and I don't think you're obliged to.

Sending flowers is a gesture, in this case a gesture of thanks and it is totally appropriate.

yamz

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:08 am

It's not strange at all. It's a token of appreciation. It shows you don't take her for granted. Whatever you send, make sure you include a heartfelt note expressing your love and gratitude.

yachnabobba

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:19 am

Write on the card:
I’m sorry
My budget doesn’t include a Ferrari
So here is something small to show
You’ve made more of a difference than you can possibly know

essie14

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:26 am

yachnabobba wrote:

Write on the card:
I’m sorry
My budget doesn’t include a Ferrari
So here is something small to show
You’ve made more of a difference than you can possibly know

I would not appreciate the first 3 lines.
I don't want or expect a Ferrari or anything extravagant for helping a friend or family member.
All you have to say is "Thank you so much , your kindness is so appreciated. Thanks for always being there for me/us."

amother

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:37 am

yachnabobba wrote:

Write on the card:
I’m sorry
My budget doesn’t include a Ferrari
So here is something small to show
You’ve made more of a difference than you can possibly know

lol thanks.

I guess it’s part social anxiety, I get nervous that thanks is not enough, the card has to be perfect, etc. and then I end up pushing it off or not doing anything. I just need some encouragement! Can even a small gift, even if it’s not a great card, still be a nice thing to do?

WhatFor

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:45 am

amother OP wrote:

Absolutely yes. If she's like most normal people out there, she'll feel touched that you appreciate her time and energy. Healthy people who receive unexpected flowers and thank you notes from a loved one who loves them in return are happy and grateful. I mean can you imagine getting a pleasant thank you card and saying "ew. This card is not great. Gross." What kind of person would react that way? Not most healthy people, that's for sure.

I'm saying this as someone who has definitely thought like you in the past and wasted opportunities to show people how grateful I was. And don't let an unmanifested idea of "perfect" prevent you from actually manifesting something good.

essie14

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:45 am

amother OP wrote:

The card will be more appreciated than the gift. Try to spend 2 minutes writing a nice card.

amother

Dustypink

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 2:37 pm

I have a similar situation. Someone I don't know so well did me an enormous favor. And I really should send her something but I feel like whatever I send will be inadequate. (No Ferrari lol).

I can't do a nice card with the gift because of shipping. Anyways, I thanked her multiple times already. I just feel like a gift would be appropriate but I don't know.

Genius

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 2:41 pm

I’m sure flowers and a nice note will be well received. You’re not giving a gift to make it even. You’re giving it to show how much you appreciate everything she does for you.

amother

Maroon

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 2:47 pm

To me the biggest gift is that my daughters in law
Ask me for help. That they want me to help. That they let me help with suppers, cleaning, shopping, occupying the children, babysitting when there is a simcha or occasion on their side. Anything and everything that is needed.
I don’t need any more thanx than that. But all the kids did get together and buy us a digital photo album for Chanuka.

essie14

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 10:27 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

Why can't you do a nice card with gift?
Every website and florist allows you to add a gift note.