Do your teens daven when at home?

amother

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:10 am

Mine seem to not. They daven at school no problem. We are OOT JPF types.

Wondering if this is something that might turn around later.

I interpret their lack of davening as a way to have control of their environment. As in being in school, their expectations and behaviora are dictated to them to keep the peace and outside the school and inside the home they want to be free.

Obviously they don’t feel a personal closeness enough to Hashem to warrant the feeling to daven from a siddur as well which is another layer.

happy7

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:47 am

I am yet to see it turn around…
Unfortunately, most adults don’t daven.

Do you daven?
It is more likely that you can expect them to daven if you also daven.

Davening is very important to me. I have had babies for the last 20+ years BH and I have never given up davening. There were times that I davened less/more, but I always daven something every day and my kids are fully aware of that.

I make a point of them seeing me daven.

Everyone in my household davens BH and I have teenagers (girls).
I am very very very grateful that they don’t avoid davening. I grew up in a home where davening for girls was an expectation. I think it is easier with boys because there is tefillah bitzibur. Girls and women seem to have absorbed a message that davening shacharis is optional.

amother

Chestnut

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:50 am

They do bh.

And I attribute it to the fact that I daven mincha religiously every day.

But- I never davened growing up! My mother did, but never reminded me...n I hated it.

I wld remind once & leave it to them.

peace2

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:55 am

I struggled a lot with davening in high school (it's still a struggle for me). On sundays or days off, my mother would ask me once casually, "did you daven" and it would be a gentle push. She would never force me to or make me feel bad about it. There were definitely days when I didn't, and days when I made the zman by a few minutes.
I think I would have had a negative relationship with davening if it was pushed on me or if I was made to feel bad for not davening. I have a hard time connecting to my davening, but it's bH something I try to do as much as I can. Definitely seeing my mother davening seriously twice a day made an impact on me. Model (if possible) but don't force

ftm1234

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:59 am

My siblings and I didn't/don't.

In our case it was laziness, nothing to do with controlling the environment.

Chassidish.

amother

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 7:38 pm

I daven pretty much every day. DH davens generally when he is with a minyan. If he misses, he doesn’t usually daven at home but there have been times he has davened 3 times per day.
DD is in sem this year and doesn’t daven even. Other kids only daven at school or if one of them goes to minyan on Shabbos which is not common.
I don’t push them to daven or go to Shul because I know it won’t help and could be counterproductive. Just curious if I can expect a change later out of school. I know the chances are slim.

amother

Coffee

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:39 pm

I never pushed.
Not sure if that’s good or not but I never liked being pushed.

I did read that around 11 or 12 th grade is when girls tend to develop an appreciation for davening.

I grew up going to shul every Shabbos - but it was only in 12th grade that I started to really spend time in the actual shul and it became important to me.

amother

Coffee

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 9:39 pm

#BestBubby

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:01 pm

If you daven with kids when they are little and off from school, you get them in the habit.

Otherwise davening is a school activity.

I daven with the little kids and then they get a davening treat.

Some schools give prizes to kids who daven over vacation.

amother

Honeydew

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:43 pm

My oldest is only 10. The kids daven on off days. Davening is not their favorite thing to do usually, but they almost always get it done with reminders, like brushing teeth or bentching. There are times when they seem inspired during davening, but it's not the majority of the time.

If they get more inspired later, great, but I don't want them to think that davening is only supposed to be done when one is brimming with inspiration and excitement.

DH and I daven and we find it meaningful conceptually, but we don't enjoy a lot of the process. It's like how I enjoy and find much meaning in being a parent, but that doesn't mean I love every dirty diaper and every toddler tantrum. But that's ok. I don't have to be giddy with inspiration all the time to find meaning in davening over the long haul.

amother

Daisy

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 10:59 pm

it does seem some girls have more of a connection to davening than others.
I have to admit to not being a big davener. Usually it's just brochos (except on shabbos and sometimes when I don't have work). so I am not the best example.
I believe my husband told the kids better to do less with kavanah than more . I remind my 16 yr old daughter to daven and I believe she does -- in about five minutes. My guess is brochos and maybe shma and shmoneh esrei. she does it in her room, so I don't know.
I think a gentle reminder is okay, but not a nudge.

melalyse

Tue, Jan 30 2024, 11:39 pm

Everyone in my home above Bar/Bas Mitzvah davens 3 times a day. Nobody is forced, but as the kids grow up they know that this is what you do.

amother

Lightcyan

Wed, Jan 31 2024, 12:26 am

From the time my children were small, there was always a davening treat.
Usually CY Chocolate of some sort. For long vacations, I would prepare in advance and have special chocolate bars for them for some of the days.
It was an incentive to daven and it worked.
And now, even though some are older, it is still a thing. And I am happy to give them a davening nosh and buy treats for doing mitzvos.