Do you consider your autistic child special needs ?

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 5:27 am

amother Smokey wrote:

I feel weird calling my HFA kid special needs because as it relates to me he's just different.

There are a lot of things he struggles with. Including some really basic things like making friends, not saying inappropriate things, not touching people when it isn't appropriate, holding a conversation that isn't just him talking about his special interests. I don't know what the future holds for him.

At the same time, he doesn't really require anything special from me. He needs a little extra homework help but so does my dd with dyslexia. He's a picky eater but again, not the only one in the family. He needs me to not expect things he can't do, like socialize at big family events or go to fireworks displays or sympathize if I'm suffering.

Aside from that, his needs are the same as those of any other kid. Clean laundry, a packed lunch for school, a listening ear (just that in his case it's about his special interests not school drama), reminders to shower and do his homework. And like any other kid he can be a joy to be around. He's imaginative and sweet and some of his special interests are genuinely interesting.

He struggles more than most kids, including wilder kids who break things and act out. I struggle more or less the same as the average parent of the average kid. I have neurotypical kids who've been harder to deal with.

So yeah, that's it for me. I'd say he's "special needs" in the context of school but I wouldn't label myself a "parent of a special needs kid" because somehow that sounds to me like I'm saying this kid is extra hard to parent and he isn't.

As a side, are you in touch with any psychologist, or asd-hf specialist?
do you know what this diagnosis means for your child for life?
do you have a deep understanding of his struggles?
Of what his future holds?
can you sincerely connect with him on a deep level?
does he see you? others?
will he be marriageable? (symptoms get worse with age if not treated properly)
of what ramifications will be for his spouse if he is marriageable, if he is not helped now? (OTRS - google it)

special needs is also the loss of dreams you had for this child, what ever they may have been.
the support (from organizations) is for the emotional aspect, more so than the physical.

amother

Bergamot

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 7:49 am

amother Smokey wrote:

autism is truly a spectrum I see! even hfa. my child requires so much of me, at all times. she is equivalent to 3 toddlers, although she is quite out of toddlerhood chronological age. emotional/behavioral level is another story than cognitive.

amother

Smokey

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 7:56 am

amother Chocolate wrote:

Like I said, I am aware that he has many struggles. I'm not interested in going into all the ways we address those struggles. This thread isn't about that.

My post was intended only as an explanation of my own feelings. I'm not saying my feelings are the one right way to feel or even that they are very logical. Like OP I'm still in the process of sorting it out. If you identify with what I said, fine, if you didn't, also fine. I'm not interested in debating it.

LovesHashem

Sun, Feb 04 2024, 7:59 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

Are you saying that "special needs" is offensive, so its supposed to only be used about people who don't have the cognitive ability to be offended?

Somehow that way of categorizing it doesn't sit right...

It's not that it's offensive, it's just mainly associated already with very low functioning and cognitive impairments it feels hurtful to feel like I'm being included in that.

When I was a kid that's what special needs schools were for. Kids who were in seventh grade and didn't know what rashi was and many times people heard I was autistic and struggling in school they said I should go to a school like that.....