So young and so much suffering

amother

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 7:54 pm

Dealing with a pandas child. My innocent lovable preschooler suddenly turned into a monster. Crazy days and calmer days. While experimenting treatment road I am going through a lot is an understatement. Probably only mom's of pandas kids can truly understand... He brings out the worst in me... As much as I try to remember he isn't choosing to act the way he is, I am only human and the situation turns me into a nervous wreck impatient and yelling mom many moments of many days. For me and him the suffering is one painful story. But the worst I feel I can't handle this is seeing his only younger sibling suffering. she's so sensitive and fragile and from when she's two she is been in this horrible ride. On good days He's only controlling bossy forcing her to be mevater ... specifically grabbing first what he knows she likes. And on worse days physically fighting throwing her off hher chair.... Now not only is she suffering tremendously from her brother she is also watching mommy being angry yelling sad upset. She is such a feeling and sensitive child and can't handle all this instability. It's real trauma she's going through At such a young age. And sometimes I just want to cut him out of the picture. For everyone's sake especially hers.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 8:26 pm

I have a pandas child and can relate completely to what you are saying.
The stress can make me so impatient and irritable and then I feel so horribly guilty for making my child's life even worse then it is already.

I will say though, that with lots of treatment and several years in, B"H we see a tremendous difference and we now have more good days than bad ones.
Hashem should send healing for your child quickly and completely.

amother

Tealblue

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 8:45 pm

Pandas mom here, it is hard! Really really really hard! One of the most brutal stages of my life. That being said, the same way hashem chose you as the perfect mother for him, he gave a sibling with pandas to her. It is part of her journey for whatever reason we can't understand. This family situation was handpicked for each of you.
I know this doesn't change anything but sometimes the knowledge that it is orchestrated by hashem and has purpose in a picture broader than I see is a comfort at times.

amother

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 9:57 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

definitely. But what about me losing myself being angered ... Isn't that a personal struggle and choice? So there is so so much guilt watching my younger one suffer and being robbed from his mommy when he so needs the stability

amother

Geranium

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 10:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

No
That's you drowning

amother

Tealblue

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 10:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's not a choice to lose yourself. You are doing your best! It is you doing all you can not to lose it when pushed in an impossible situation and struggling. You are human and that's ok. Be gentle on yourself. Mom guilt is not fair!

amother

Seablue

Tue, Feb 06 2024, 11:29 pm

You have to get yourself and your dc the help you both need. Not only does your dc need help, you do too.

I’m saying this as a parent whose dc had medical illnesses and came out of years of this and medications with developmental delays and ADHD. My dc is double yours age and is finally beginning to thrive. We’ve done this for years. There’s nothing wrong with seeking help because your candy afford to be caught up in the moment as a parent of a special needs dc.

amother

Linen

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 9:55 am

I have 2 pandas kids and I consider them special needs. They really are. There are organizations for kids with other special needs but pandas flies under the radar and there really is no respite. I feel you very much. You and your family are really struggling because it's a very difficult situation.

I really urge you to try to get as much help and support as you possibly can. Get a therapist for yourself, get a cleaning lady or high school girl or reach out to family. It's a tough journey.

I don't want to scare you but my experience has been that the stress of everything going on, including the bullying and yelling and never knowing what could blow up next, puts your younger child at higher risk of developing pandas because the nervous system is constantly on edge. I strongly encourage you to do whatever you can to address this asap.