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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
OP
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 Sun, Jan 28 2024, 8:38 pm
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My husband and I have a great marriage, but when things get stressful we tend to raise our voices, sometimes in front of our child. He’s only 2 years old and I feel terrible and guilty but I have such a hard time remembering to stop myself in the moment. Anyone have tips or advice?
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salt
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Mon, Jan 29 2024, 4:03 am
Have a sign between the 2 of you (a word or a sound or a red flag in your pocket, whatever works for you) - whoever notices first that things are getting out of hand does the sign.
Hang up notices in each room saying 'no shouting'.
Read igeret harambam every evening together.
Make yourselves a chart - if you reach the end of the day with no raising voices, you get a sticker, and after 10 stickers you buy yourselves an ice cream.
If someone raises their voice, you start the stickers from scratch.
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amother
Brunette
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Wed, Feb 07 2024, 8:34 pm
I'm aware that I'm breaking imamother etiquette by replying to this post so late, but I just listened to a podcast today with Drs. John & Julie Gottman on the science of healthy relationships, and they discuss the different style of arguments that couples have. They actually say that a volatile style of arguing isn't particularly harmful as long as your partner matches that style.
It's not great to yell in front of your child, and you can repair when that happens. "You saw Mommy and Daddy yelling before, that must have been frightening to you. I wish I had spoken in a calmer voice; you should know that this wasn't your fault in any way."
A 2 year will understand more than you think.
If you want to listen to the podcast you can look up Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris; the episode comes out for free on Feb 14th.
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