Chasidish women switching from shpitzel to wig

dankbar

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 11:36 pm

There are some cases where daughter doesn't start out with same headgear as mom, then she is being assertive, parents more realistic and accepting of what child needs, and looks for a suitable spouse, one that child needs. Another scenario, can be when a man knows a certain headgear he does or doesn't want and makes arrangements before or looks for someone with the headgear he is looking for, even if his family wears a diff one.

dankbar

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 11:41 pm

Depends how accommodating parents are about their children's needs and look for a spouse that is suitable.

Let's say a family that wears shpitzels, now they have a son who is more cool and doesn't want a wife with a shpitzel. Now they can look for a shidduch with a more with it girl that he needs who will wear a wig, even if it doesn't align with their family. Or they can just look what aligns with their family, and look for a girl coming from similar background. Now this young man might not be happy about it and might make his wife change her headgear, to the the devastation of both families.

amother

Bluebonnet

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 11:52 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

A wig is a step down from headgear that isn’t hair in those communities.

It usually indicates someone being unhappy with themselves.

Omg. Ive never heard of something this ridiculous. And yes I wear a shpitzel.

amother

Jean

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 11:56 pm

amother Cobalt wrote:

A wig is a step down from headgear that isn’t hair in those communities.

It usually indicates someone being unhappy with themselves.

I dont believe they are unhappy with themselves but unhappy with the headgeat that they were presumably forced to put on and want to make a change.

amother

Cerise

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 12:03 am

For some reason the headgear a married women wear in the chassidish world is a big deal.

To me, a woman that switched her headgear to match what she really wants, shows me she is a very strong woman, and is willing to be spoken about behind her back and withstand her family pressure, in order to do what she thinks is right for her. People will talk and then move on to the next thing and get over it. I know a couple of women that switched from a shpitzel to a shaitel and I was so impressed with them.

SuperWify

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 5:01 am

My mother wears a very short wig, no lace. So, according to this mesorah logic id have to wear a very short wig too?
Of course id be unhappy! Why can’t I decide how to keep a very personal mitzvah?

(If we really want to go mesorah none of my great-grandparents covered as was the fashion in those days, so does that mean I get a free pass to uncover?)

amother

Alyssum

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 5:50 am

Op I know several women who switched from a shpitzel to a wig. All very smart nice people. I don’t think they’re ‘weird, unstable or wannabe’.

amother

Sunflower

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 6:11 am

amother Cobalt wrote:

A wig is a step down from headgear that isn’t hair in those communities.

It usually indicates someone being unhappy with themselves.

Interesting.

In my (admittedly limited but frank and honest) conversations with chassidish friends:

The community values conformity and tradition. Any change (in head gear, in driving ability) is seen as dangerous, as it normalizes a step away from tradition ('the way we've always done it'), a loosening of the power of the community to dictate norms. It's seen as potentially catchy. And of course, it is. More and more chassidish women are making changes for themselves.

People who start to make personal choices that stray from tradition are therefore labeled as unstable or crazy, or at the very least 'unhappy', a seemingly kind but deeply passive aggressive lable meant to scare anyone else away from making personal changes.

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 6:52 am

amother Starflower wrote:

You obviously don't come from a community that values Mesorah and you definitely don't understand Chassidus. Yes, taking a public step down usually shows some kind of unhappiness.

Just because someone was born chassidish doen't mean they are doomed for life.

It's the torah way to use your head and make your own decisions about your own life!

Not sure what is so hard to understand. Chassidim make headgear into this whole meaningful mesorah. If people want to do that, let them but if others want to change then stop judging them.

I come from one of those judgemental communities mind you and undertand all of the intricities.

amother

Apricot

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 7:22 am

amother Petunia wrote:

Headgear is associated with a certain “type” of person. And this isn’t relegated to just the chassidish world. When I think very long, flowy wig, I think MO. When I think yeshivish, I think shoulder length wig. Not saying it’s right, but just how it is…

That's so practical that you can know everything a person is about just by looking at their dress style!

dankbar

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 9:23 am

amother Apricot wrote:

That's so practical that you can know everything a person is about just by looking at their dress style!

It means nothing BTW. You can have shpitzel outside and rotten inside, not davka middos even in frumkeit and you can see someone with a long wig, that ehrlich and pure inside. And spiritual and connected to Hashem.

It's all externals, but because the community is so focuser on the externals and the beliefs are the headgear and the dress is what make people more frum and Ehrlich, that's why people judge from the outside.

My son had friends that wore shemono begodim and are treif, didn't keep shabbos or put tefillin, and friends with t-shirts and jeans that are Ehrlich and connected.

You can't know anything from seeing the outside

amother

Mocha

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 10:00 am

My friends mother was very pleased when her daughter changed from a band to a n uncovered wig.
I'm sure the street judged but little did they know

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 10:51 am

dankbar wrote:

I'm pretty sure she was being sarcastic.

GLUE

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:19 pm

What happens if your daughters are married and you want to change your head covering?
What happens then? Do the married girls follow the Mama and start wearing the new look or keep the old look? Or is it once your girls are married you can't change your head covering?

amother

Razzmatazz

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:30 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

My friends mother was very pleased when her daughter changed from a band to a n uncovered wig.
I'm sure the street judged but little did they know

Why was the mother pleased?

dankbar

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:31 pm

It does happen a lot. Let's say older generation there were lot of uncovered sheitels, you know those wiggy short wedge tapered back type.

Now the kids don't want to wear those bubby style sheitels, also lot of places moved more to right, and all their friends are wearing covered sheitels, and they rather want to fit in there, than wearing a bubby style uncovered sheitel and they do cover their sheitel, sometimes after mom marries off few dgtrs with hats, the matriarch also changes to hat

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:35 pm

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Why was the mother pleased?

I'll tell you why my mother was pleased. Because it was such a headache to find the right band etc. So expensive and limited sheitel styles.

She was happy for me to have to deal with one less thing.

My cousin's grandparents were thrilled when she decided not to wear her band because nowadays, a band means chassidish. It boxes you in even if you aren't chassidish and wear for different reasons or because originally, some of your grandparents were chassish.

meyerlemon44

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 3:21 pm

amother Mocha wrote:

My friends mother was very pleased when her daughter changed from a band to a n uncovered wig.
I'm sure the street judged but little did they know

What do you mean by a band? I’ve only ever heard “band” as another word for a wig grip. TIA!

dankbar

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 3:35 pm

Chassidish women use a headband type of covering with some fabric attached as a headgear for double covering instead of hat on top of sheitel. It is considered a step down from a hat covering because it has less coverage.

amother

Jasmine

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 5:14 pm

Maybe she doesn't like how she looks and also doesn't care what other people think so she wears what makes her feel good. If her hair is covered she is following halacha. Not sure why people are so preoccupied by what other people are wearing and think they have a right to judge.