Did your dh go to shul this morning? (In snow)

amother

Jade

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 3:13 am

amother DarkGreen wrote:

Why are you so angry?
It helps OP because she can buy them for the future.
Noise canceling headphones don't necessarily need to be connected to anything. There are noise canceling headphones, such as what babies sometimes wear at weddings, that aren't connected to anything & just cancel out noise.

. No anger, merely trying to eliminate misinformation. The devices
you are referring to are called earmuff-style hearing protectors. They don't "cancel" noise. They block certain frequencies using sound-absorbing foam in the earpieces. Noise cancelling headsets are something entirely different. They cancel noise by generating sound waves with a wave pattern opposite that of the unwanted sound, so that the waves cancel each other out. They're used in environments like aircraft cockpits where clear audio communication is needed in a noisy environment. Ideally you need to know the frequencies of the sound you want to cancel. These headsets tend to be expensive, while earmuff -style hearing protectors can be had for $25 or so.

If OP walked into a store and asked for noise-cancelling headphones, she'd be wasting her money unless she needed to listen to a lecture online while the local military band was practicing outside her window.

I hold a certificate in industrial noise control and hearing protection in case you were wondering.

WhatFor

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 3:33 am

amother OP wrote:

See poll. Mine didn't and slept late. Then when I asked him to daven in another room so I can relax with a magazine on the couch, he chose to daven in the living room.

Op, what's going on here? You could have relaxed on your bed if you wanted to lay out with a magazine and didn't want to be around his davening.

The living room is a family area. People can use it in normal ways that don't prevent others from using it. Talking or singing in a living room is normal family area activity. Telling people to leave so you can get silence to read in a family area is not normal family area behavior.

Also, as someone who has misphonia, I'm really curious what sounds irritate you regarding his davening. Misphonia doesn't just mean prefers quiet. There are very specific noises that deeply bother me. What specific noises involved in davening trigger your misphonia?

amother

Fern

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 3:44 am

WhatFor wrote:

It's not the craziest thing that she's annoyed. I'm wondering if he chronically doesn't go to shul or if there was a recent rift in the relationship and that's what's causing OP to be extra bothered.

I can see why a wife who expects her DH to be at shul in the morning would be annoyed when a) he doesn't go b)he's wanting to daven loudly in the living room where she would like to relax. I imagine that a woman who is doing her tasks at home would be annoyed if her DH is unemployed and singing in the common area of the house. The issue is the feeling that he is not supposed to be here and he's disrupting my existence when I am supposed to be here.

I wouldn't call a man davening loudly in his living room to be a normal use of the space...

WhatFor

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 4:21 am

amother Fern wrote:

Yes we don't know much at all about OP's life except what she told us. So we respond based on that.

I don't personally relate to being annoyed that DH one morning wakes up and decides he's not davening in shul, which is between him and hashem. If this is atypical, I might be concerned and ask if everything is okay. But he didn't want to go because of the weather, so unless there's other pertinent details not mentioned, I don't get making a big deal out of it. I guess I have enough on my plate to think about taking on the task of micromanaging a grown man in his personal activities that have nothing to do with me.

You inserted the word "loudly". Op never said that. She said she doesn't like noise period. In any case, there's nothing wrong with anyone davening normally in the living room. What if she had a 10yo girl who wanted to daven? Op would tell her to go to shul or not daven at all? That's not appropriate imo. The living room is for people to make normal noise in. Davening is normal noise.

How does unemployed come into the picture? Did I miss something?

So yeah, the issue is that OP thought she would have the entire living room to herself. But she didn't get it because her DH was home. He has a right to be in his own living room even if she thought he wasn't going to be there that morning. Flexibility is important to functioning in a family. He changed his plans. She doesn't get to tell him to leave the living room because she planned on him davening that morning. If you go to the gym every Tuesday evening, and one night you decide you're going to stay home and do something in the living room, DH doesn't get to ask you to stay out of the living room because he planned for you to be out on Tuesday, and he just wants some quiet in the living room.

amother

Cappuccino

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 3:38 pm

amother Fern wrote:

Eh. It's a nice idea and very respectable. Definitely a high level.
I understand a woman wanting her time on the couch when DH is supposed to be in shul.

Sounds like he may have been doing it davka like this. We don't know the whole dynamic of course.

Why is it a high level for each spouse to respect the other one’s spiritual pursuits? Women are supposed to daven every day, so there’s nothing all that special about a woman davening and her husband giving her the space to do it. That should be commonplace.