Please help me understand and stop these illogical behaviors

justforfun87

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 9:52 am

But like... what is wrong with just self acceptance and being overweight? I am also at 180 and at this time in my life I just don't believe that appearances are that important. There is other value to me aside from my weight. Also food is delicious!!

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 10:05 am

justforfun87 wrote:

Because I don’t feel good and I’m not engaging in healthy behavior. I have low energy and high blood sugar and I want to take care of myself and my body.

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 10:07 am

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

I agree that therapy and learning about intuitive eating would be really helpful for you.

You restricted so many times over your life and deprived yourself. No wonder your brain isn't cooperating anymore. Be kind and forgiving to yourself. It's not about willpower. You put in tremendous effort for so long. It makes sense that you feel like you "just can't anymore".

Thank you for such a supportive response!

amother

Eggshell

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 10:16 am

justforfun87 wrote:

It doesn’t seem like she’s enjoying it if she’s eating past being satisfied and just keeps going.

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 2:16 pm

amother Teal wrote:

OA- overeaters anonymous is a known and effective solution to addiction to food and all the crazy things it makes us do. It has been a miracle for me. I have learned what triggers me both behaviorally, emotionally and food wise. It is possible to shed the pounds and live feeling free!
There are many online meets and some local on person ones. You can find them on their website. I know Lakewood has in person meetings.
Hashem should send you peace and clarity and guide you to the solution that is right for you.

I live in Lakewood but should be too shy to go to in person meetings.

way2go

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 2:31 pm

[quote="amother OP"]I live in Lakewood but should be too shy to go to in person meetings.[/quote
You only need to try once, you don't need to commit to more than that. See if it sounds like something that may talk to you. It's all anonymous, noone shares more that their first name. You don't have to speak up, you can just listen and see if it feels like a room full of people with stories that are similar to yours. Almost all frum women and very warm and welcoming. You can pm me for more info.

amother

Cyclamen

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 3:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

Here’s my back story:)
I was always a chubby kid growing up. My mother was a size 0, MAYBE 2 and used to constantly nag me about my weight. If she saw me eating cake or chips etc she would say “is that necessary?” “Are you really hungry??” Which would ofc make me just eat it (and then some) even if I wasn’t in the mood. She never taught me how to eat better and never made healthier food. I think she just expected me to eat what she served and be as thin as her.

In high school I started fad dieting with friends. I yo-yoed a lot and went from losing a ton of weight to gaining it back through the years. I never did it in a steady, healthy way but there were times I was really thin and had my mother’s approval. After seminary, I was careful to keep the weight off and was a thin size 4 through all my years of dating. I’m 5”2 and weighed between 115-120 (I worked out so had muscle.)

My husband comes from a family where they don’t even know what the word diet means. They eat whatever they want and they’re all thin. We got married and I started eating like him. I got pregnant right away and gained 55 pounds that first year. I lost most of it before getting pregnant again a year later and gaining another 50+ pounds! I was gaining and losing again in huge numbers. After my 3rd child, I got down to 130 pounds which I looked and felt great! Then Covid hit, I had another child, and the weight is only increasing. I kept saying I’ll NEVER get to 140 and then when I did I said I’ll NEVER get to 150….until now I’m almost reaching 180 pounds!!

Any time I think about dieting, I gain more. My sister got married and I said THAT will be an incentive and I didn’t lose a pound. I said I must lose weight before getting pregnant again, and that didn’t work either!! I feel horrible. I look horrible. I hate going to simchos. I hate family outings. Every single friend and sister of mine is skinny! I feel so inferior next to them. I don’t buy new clothes because I don’t want to be buying the sizes that I need. I WANT to be thin and be happy in my body, but then I have this blockage that keeps saying I’m good how I am and the food is just too compelling. I know I’m making bad food choices and I do it anyway! I say I’m starting a diet and then sit down to a slice of cheesecake. It doesn’t make sense!!! Everything contradicts itself!! I don’t know how to get out of this! I have multiple reminders go off every day to drink water, to go for walks, to eat a good lunch, and each day I press end ,end, end without thought. Why?? Why is my brain doing this?? Why do I have zero self control?? Why can’t I believe being thinner will make me happier than the food in front of me now?? Can someone please explain this to me and advise me? This is going on 4 years now and I don’t see an end in sight!

I'll tell you what worked for me: stop being scared of food.

I saw it on some intuitive eating post years ago and it stuck with me. Naturally skinny people are not afraid of food. They don't deprive themselves if they feel like cake, they have the cake and move on with their lives. If they're full they'll leave some cake on their plate.
People like us look at food with fear. Instead of going with the flow, we're constantly battling food like it's the enemy. I want toast but I shouldn't have it because it's "bad" so I'll have 5 celery sticks, a yogurt, an apple, 2 cucumbers and then cave and eat the toast anyway (and probably lots of it) and then feel awful and overstuffed +guilty.
People who aren't afraid of food would be like hmmm I'm in the mood for toast - make themselves 2 pieces of buttered toast - enjoy it - feel satisfied - move on with their day.

Look at babies - they stop eating when they're fall. Hashem has given us natural body cues that make us feel either hungry or full. We lose those cues when we're told what to eat and when.

amother

Fri, Feb 16 2024, 4:41 pm

amother Cyclamen wrote:

I'll tell you what worked for me: stop being scared of food.

Look at babies - they stop eating when they're fall. Hashem has given us natural body cues that make us feel either hungry or full. We lose those cues when we're told what to eat and when.

So true! Buy what if I already messed up the cycle? Is there a way to rectify it? I feel like I don’t have proper boundaries anymore. It’s hard for me to say, I’ll just have one donut. If the donut is good, I’ll go for a second. I feel like my cues have gotten messed up. How can I correct it? I’d love to be able to stop when I feel full. It’s more of a mental thing than a physical one. My stomache can be full but my mind/heart wants more. How do I listen to my hunger cues instead of my emotional ones?

amother

Cyclamen

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 8:02 pm

amother OP wrote:

By telling yourself you can have it any time you feel like it. For example I used to think "I shouldn't have this babka now but I'll have it on shabbos" and then by the time shabbos came around I'd eat half a babka on an already full stomach. Now if I feel like babka on a Friday afternoon, I'll enjoy a piece with a coffee and then move on. By the time it's shabbos, I may or may not even be in the mood for more babka anymore.

Also just the way you phrase it "I'll have JUST one doughnut". You're treating the doughnut like poison and training yourself to be afraid of it.
Another mashal I saw somewhere: every second that you're alive, you're breathing in and out just the right amount of air without thinking about it. But if you were to hold your breath under water, your brain goes into survival mode so that when you come up for air, you're gasping more air than you need.
The same goes with food, if you keep trying to deprive yourself of it, you're going to end up bingeing on it

amother

Bluebonnet

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 8:35 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thanks so much for your advice! What happens is I start off every day really well. I eat a nice wholesome healthy breakfast, and usually lunch as well. Then my kids come home from school and it’s just downhill. I’m starving at 5:00 so I eat with them, and then I eat with my husband, and then I’ll find myself snacking at night as well. I find I de-rail a ton! Let’s say yesterday, I went to the store to get a salad for lunch. They didn’t have any of the type I liked. So I ended up getting a sandwich, and then I ate my sons roll, and my other sons donut…! It’s like my good intentions don’t stick.

Many times I don’t eat bec im hungry but bec the food is SOOO GOOD. I’ll go for doubles and triples - I can’t portion control when it’s something I love. I just enjoy it too much.

It just doesn’t make sense to me bev I KNOW it’s wrong and I KNOW I’ll regret it, but I can’t stop myself. Even when I say, don’t do it, don’t do it, I feel a force pushing me to do it and that always wins.

this is me to the tee!🙈🙈

amother

Maize

Sat, Feb 17 2024, 9:12 pm

The only long term solution is dealing with the emotional part of the food.

amother

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 4:00 pm

amother Maize wrote:

The only long term solution is dealing with the emotional part of the food.

This sounds like the truth. I’m wondering how. Can I do it without therapy?

amother

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 4:02 pm

amother Cyclamen wrote:

Yes, so true. And then once I cheat, it’s like I already went off track I completely fall of the wagon, instead of just having one cheat and moving on. In general, I feel like I’m an all or nothing kind of gal in all areas. I’m either totally in it or totally not. Hard for me to find that balance.

amother

Tuberose

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 5:23 pm

Op, I can totally relate, very similar journey… and my fam from both sides and all my friends are skinny… after struggling with dieting for years now I finally started ozampic 5 weeks ago, normally it takes a month before starting to lose. So I totally didn’t expect to lose before 4 weeks, without dieting or exercising I lost 6 lbs…. People are against it , not very healthy and risks of side affects. But at this point I feel like I need to take care of my mental health first, which is losing weight and love myself again.

amother

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 5:51 pm

amother Tuberose wrote:

I would def try this route. I’m pregnant now so off the table , but would explore this possibility after.

amother

Bluebonnet

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 8:16 am

I really enjoy food and can eat a lot before I get full! Anyone deal with how to stop eating due to sensory enjoyment , the crunch of a pickle just doesn’t feel as good as potato chips to me etc, I feel like it’s more then emotional it’s a physical enjoyment that I can’t stop , I never judge a alcoholic or drug addict I’m always scared that would be me if I were in diff circles

amother

Lime

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 9:19 am

Quote:

Look at babies - they stop eating when they're fall. Hashem has given us natural body cues that make us feel either hungry or full. We lose those cues when we're told what to eat and when.

We lose our cues when we eat processed foods that mess with our taste buds, our gut microbiome, the gut brain axis, and that give us a neurochemical fix that literally keeps us addicted.

It's neurological. Not emotional.

https://www.amazon.com/Hooked-.....r=8-6

https://www.amazon.com/Why-You.....r=8-1

https://www.amazon.com/Salt-Su.....r=8-1

amother

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 10:36 pm

amother Lime wrote:

Quote:

Look at babies - they stop eating when they're fall. Hashem has given us natural body cues that make us feel either hungry or full. We lose those cues when we're told what to eat and when.

Thanks!!

amother

Lime

Mon, Feb 19 2024, 11:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thanks!!

Another great one https://www.amazon.com/Hungry-.....D_BwE