Terrible mom when he's sick

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 3:23 pm

I hate myself as a parent when my son is sick. I struggle with anxiety and have emetophobia. My son vomits when he spikes a fever so I struggle to deal with him well when he's sick.

I can't be around him without getting super anxious. My poor baby needs his mommy and I'm crippled with anxiety around him right now.

Luckily my husband is home and able to deal with him but until his fever subsides I'm hiding in the other room.

I feel like a TERRIBLE mom and I don't know what to do. Part of me needs to get over it but the other is really struggling.

I'm also 6mo pregnant with #2 and my anxiety is worse in pregnancy but also I'm scared that I won't be able to deal.

Any tips or empathy would be greatly appreciated - I'm on the verge of tears and get enough criticism from my husband and mom about this...

amother

Canary

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 9:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

Gosh that's so hard. Don't beat yourself up, phobia is real. My daughter is the same.

Have you tried hypnotherapy?

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:13 pm

amother Rose wrote:

Please don’t be hard on yourself.

I am similar. I also have emetophobia - and I also get bad anxiety about illness, especially GI issues.

You’re not a bad mom.

Thank you, I really struggle a lot right now. My therapist is great but there's not enough time for everything we need to discuss... My pregnancy has been rough so we're just breaking through on some of the emotional stuff and now we're going to have to pause for this - or whichever is more important by the time we get to our next session.

amother

Chestnut

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:21 pm

I don't have emetophobia, but I get beyond grossed out by vomit and cannot "get over myself."

I have double digit children, I'm in my 40s, and I still turn into an impossible 8yo when one of my kids throws up.

At this point, my kids know I can't handle it. They are okay with that. Kids really are able to accept that their parents are imperfect.

I now have a plan: If someone throws up, I or another kid (preferably) grabs a towel from the laundry and covers it up. DH will clean it up when he gets home.

When I stop beating myself up over something that may never change, life is much better. My 5yo threw up a few times tonight and although it was not fun, I did not fall apart completely like I used to. I told her to cover it with a towel, she called DH to tell him tearfully, he calmed her down over the phone, and she's back to bed. DH will have to clean up all the mess when he gets home.

But nobody is crying this way. Not DD, not DH, and not me.

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:24 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

This was comforting to hear.

Just struggle to feel like I'm not pulling my weight and I know it becomes a lot for my husband. I make him work from home when my toddler is sick.

amother

Chestnut

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

This was comforting to hear.

Just struggle to feel like I'm not pulling my weight and I know it becomes a lot for my husband. I make him work from home when my toddler is sick.

You're pulling much more than your weight. You're fine.

Don't feel guilty. DH doesn't mind dealing with vomit, you fall apart if you need to. The solution is obvious.

When your toddler gets a bit older it may be easier and you won't need DH's help as often. But please don't beat yourself up over a weakness that you didn't choose and would prefer not to have.

If you can work out a way (like I did) to handle it even when DH is not home, good for you! If you can't, don't worry, this stage will pass.

amother

Chambray

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:29 pm

I feel you!! It’s hard! I CANNOT deal with throw up. At. All. My daughter threw up the other day and I gagged the entire time trying to clean her up. I took multiple breaks and my poor child was crying and didn’t understand why I wasn’t hugging her.
(Unfortunately my husband isn’t as helpful as the pp. it’s either I clean it now or let my child sit in throw up until I clean it later. No magic towel to cover it and it disappears Wink

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:30 pm

amother Chestnut wrote:

Thank you

amother

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 10:45 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

Yea the not being there for my kid is hard because even after I'm scared he's going to get sick again.

When he was younger I'd be scared to nurse him..

m-u-a-mama

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 11:10 pm

OP my husband was hospitalized a few months ago with severe dehydration from a stomach bug

He couldn’t stop vomiting

Every time he started to gag I ran out of the room

I felt like the WORST WIFE EVER

once I even ran to the bathroom and vomited myself! Literally felt so useless

And then he pointed out that I have tons of strengths but this ain’t one of them. Even if he did clean up when I threw up on our floor when I was 11 weeks pregnant 🙈 I’m the one that happily deals with bills and he can’t make heads or tails for ex

We all have our pluses and minuses! Please don’t feel good!