Formula feeding. Let's put it into perspective

ducky

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:53 am

amother Navy wrote:

Breastfeeding is about so much more than bonding. There jaw and airway development, gut microbiome seeding, metabolism priming, antibodies and immune protection, breathing and sleeping and nervous system regulation, custom tailored nutrition, phytonutrients, loads more.

And mothers simply not having enough for no reason at all or reasons truly beyond anyone's control is exceedingly rare. More often there are overlooked reasons for milk not coming in or not transferring well.

Nature doesn't make mistakes. If humans "couldn't" breastfeed at the rates were "can't" breastfeed at today, we'd have gone extinct millenia ago.

Formula isn't that old. Were babies dying of starvation from inability to breastfeed 80 years ago?

Ummm I can’t get pregnant naturally. My body literally doesn’t work so yeah hundreds of years ago I wouldn’t have had kids. So yes the body doesn’t work 100% in every instance and no it’s not a mistake. Hashem put formula for a reason.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 9:55 am

ducky wrote:

OPs point is no need to feel guilt if you can’t nurse or if nursing doesn’t work for you. The main thing is happy mom and baby. She isn’t saying don’t be sad if you are truly sad that you cannot nurse. Two different things.

Thank you ducky! You explained it well. That's exactly my point.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 10:01 am

ducky wrote:

This is exactly my point. You'd be rightfully shocked if someone said 'what du mean you can't get pregnant? Nature doesn't make mistakes, just try harder!'

Yet it's hormonal, as is nursing yet 'just try harder' and 'no such thing as not having milk' and 'nature doesn't make mistakes' are all too commom refrains.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 10:51 am

amother Broom wrote:

Are you talking to me? Why would you think I do any of this? I was responding to someone who asked what I think is missing from my relationship with my ff baby.

Thank you for your post, that was me who asked.
To all those who took offence at amother broom's reply, she was simply responding to my question.

amother

Leaf

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:13 am

cupcake123 wrote:

I think it's great that you're able to see the positive. But for ppl that want to bf and can't its hard for them.

I'm a big nurser if Chas veshalom I wouldn't be able to I would be devastated.

Same. Nursing is a way of life to me. If I wouldn't be able to nurse I would be heartbroken. Nursing is so special and for me means so much. My babies nurse night and day for a long time.

amother

Leaf

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:16 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

I think OP's point is much needed.

I knew a woman who I swear kept her own children underweight because she wanted to nurse so badly. She told me, "I literally don't have milk, but I try anyway"

Please feed your baby!

Agree. A fed baby is more important then a nursing a baby. But a baby who can just nurse whenever they want, it's something special. Op, don't be so dismissive of it. When nursing works it's amazing for mom and baby.

ectomorph

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:18 am

amother OP wrote:

I'm not against bf, not at all, if I had milk I would nurse 1000%. It's just a shame that those who can't feel bad about it. There seems to be a lot of unnecessary pressure, when a person truly doesn't have. Kind of, you're not a good mom, you're not gonna bond...

Op, I like your healthy attitude about it.

I have done exclusively nursing, exclusively bottle, pumping, for different babies. Oddly my most attached kid is the only ff one that I had severe PPD and barely remember the first few months of their life.

amother

Ivory

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:19 am

amother OP wrote:

The post from a mom asking what to do about her milk coming in after a misscarriage at 19 weeks got me thinking. She's in pain, phyically from the milk and emotionally thinking what could've been.

I don't want to post this there as it will derail, and it would be insensitive.

I'm not good at nursing. I don't have a good supply, my babies are misreable, they don't gain weight and don't settle. BH I don't find it a problem, I give formula and all is good. I'm aware that not everyone can feed and am happy there are good formulas and am confident in my decision.

But I do see that some people would be devastated and keep trying, even when they are misreable and so are their babies.

I remember a friend had a stillborn at full term. Knowing I don't nurse she asked me what I do to stop my milk coming in as she was in tremendous pain. Only, I never had that 'problem', my milk simply never came in.

I realised then that I was actually very fortunate. I had a healthy baby but no milk, a 'problem' that was easily sorted with formula. My friend had milk...but no baby. A much much harder situ.

Ladies can we put things in perspective and not make a difficulty into a huge problem?

Thoughts anyone?

What a beautiful post! I nurse some babies and some not...Im sad nursing didnt work out but I dont make my baby crazy!

I was in a Kimperturin home where they had to secretive give formula because the mom had no milk...she made her baby crazy and she was going crazy! (She nursed and pumped around the clock, and we all got to enjoy the crying noises)

Take time to medicate and come to terms...but its really not fair to these poor neshomus

amother

Tiffanyblue

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:19 am

amother Leaf wrote:

Same. Nursing is a way of life to me. If I wouldn't be able to nurse I would be heartbroken. Nursing is so special and for me means so much. My babies nurse night and day for a long time.

Of course it's hard. But when things don't work as planned... it's more than okay to formula feed. Yes, it's heartbreaking for some. A woman may need to grieve what was lost.

My mother was never able to nurse any of her children. She simply did not have milk. She tried everything. I can tell it hurt deeply that she could not provide for her babies in this way. However, she was able to come to terms with it, and did what she needed to do to keep her babies alive and thriving.... Formula.

amother

Blush

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:36 am

OP, this post was for someone like me. I just don't have milk. I've tried it all and spent a lot more money than I should have. I've been pressured and gotten comments from everyone - lactation consultants, family, friends, and both Jewish and non-Jewish co-workers. The bond with my first child was definitely affected by all the frustration surrounding feeding him. Eventually I came to terms with it and with my last child I didn't even try. My attitude now is if it works for you and the baby that's great, but if it breastfeeding doesn't work for you for any reason, exclusive formula is perfectly fine too. BH I haven't seen a difference in any way between my kids that got more or less breast milk.

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:48 am

amother Leaf wrote:

Don't get me wrong! I think nursing is great for those who can do it. If I had milk, like I said upthread, I would 1000% nurse.

This thread is not to say don't nurse it's to give a perspective that when nursing doesn't work it's okay. Nothing to feel guilty about.

amother

Broom

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:48 am

amother Ivory wrote:

Medicate?

amother

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:54 am

ectomorph wrote:

Similar experience. My preemie whose birth I was asleep for, who I didn't see till he was 48 hours old, who was NG tube fed, in an incubator for a looong time....I have the closest bond with now!

Lemonade 2323

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:55 am

amother Tiffanyblue wrote:

Did you bond with her?

amother

Clear

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:58 am

Nobody should ever feel guilty about how they feed their baby. I don't know a single mother who didn't think very carefully regardless of what they ended up doing. I will say though, feeling devastated at not being able to nurse is not always about guilt. My cousin is a feeding therapist. She had her only child relatively late in life, so she had over 15 years of experience in her field before becoming a mother. She was very much looking forward to nursing. It became apparent quite early that she was not going to be able to. She understood right away, and that there was nothing more to be done (based on her expertise, she knew all this). She was devastated. Not from guilt, but just because something she'd been really excited about was not to be. I nurse all my babies 2+ years. I love it. If nursing didn't work out for me, I'd feel zero guilt, but I'd be sad about it because at this point I'd know what I'm missing.

amother

Midnight

Sun, Feb 25 2024, 11:58 am

A few things.

It’s totally ok to formula feed and no one should feel guilty

It’s totally ok to BF and no one should be made to feel weird or crunchy for nursing baby last 6 months

If baby isn’t getting fed yes please give formula it’s not fair to you or to baby

It’s ok to feel sad and even devastated if nursing isn’t working for you. No one should by guilted that they can’t be sad because there are worse problems.

There are mothers that claim they don’t have milk when that’s not the case or they cause the problem by giving formula bottles which cuts their supply