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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> School age children
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Feb 29 2024, 5:54 pm
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My kids refuse to go to friends to see if they want to play. They just want to stay home and fight. Weekday and Shabbos. I’m extremely frustrated. I want them to bring friends over but no one comes to knock on our door in the winter and they refuse to initiate. Argh I’m going crazy from the wildness and fighting
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amother
Leaf
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 5:57 pm
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Invite kids over by text. That’s what we do when we are too cold to go out.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 5:59 pm
| amother Leaf wrote: | | Invite kids over by text. That’s what we do when we are too cold to go out. |
Their mothers aren’t interested in being go between via text
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amother
Oleander
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:08 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | Their mothers aren’t interested in being go between via text |
So call them. That's what I do.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:11 pm
My kids are old enough that the mothers don’t want to get involved.
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amother
Magenta
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:12 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | My kids are old enough that the mothers don’t want to get involved. |
Call the kids they want to play with, not their mothers.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:14 pm
| amother Magenta wrote: | | Call the kids they want to play with, not their mothers. |
My kids don’t want to call. They don’t want to initiate. Are you saying I should call a third grader to invite him to my house?
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amother
Oleander
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:18 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | My kids don’t want to call. They don’t want to initiate. Are you saying I should call a third grader to invite him to my house? |
3rd grade is still young enough that you can call the mother. Though not everyone likes & let's play dates on school days.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:20 pm
| amother Oleander wrote: | | 3rd grade is still young enough that you can call the mother. Though not everyone likes & let's play dates on school days. |
My kids don’t want me to call the mother. If a kid knocks on the door they’ll usually want to play but sometimes not. I can’t call the mom to send their kid over and then my kid says I don’t want to play.
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amother
Leaf
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:24 pm
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And why don’t they want to play with friends?
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Dolly Welsh
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:34 pm
Maybe they need to go to separate friends. Perhaps on different days.
Murmur about this situation to your husband. He might take a day off and get some authority going because that's not good and he is the ultimate law-giver there.
He might take one of them to shul or to a shiur. Then the other one next time.
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amother
Yellow
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:46 pm
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My kids are the same way. I've just learned to make peace with it.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:55 pm
| amother Leaf wrote: | | And why don’t they want to play with friends? |
They don’t give me an answer
The just say “we don’t want to call or go play or knock on their door”
Once I tried bribing one dc and they said “I just want to be home with you”
My older kid has great school friends but no neighborhood friends but plays with my younger kid’s friends. If my younger kid brings a friend home my older kid plays nicely with them. If my younger kid goes to a friend, my older kid is manageable and doesn’t get wild.
If they all play outside it’s the best.
But now they are refusing to invite anyone refusing to go out and they end up fighting like crazy. I yelled so much tonight. I hate this. They are 10 and 7
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amother
OP
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:56 pm
| amother Yellow wrote: | | My kids are the same way. I've just learned to make peace with it. |
How on earth??? I’m going nuts.they don’t want to play games with me they just want to fight
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amother
Tealblue
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 6:59 pm
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I never wanted to play with friends either. I liked my space and playing with friends was stressful. I don’t think you can change how your kids feel.
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lamplighter
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 7:13 pm
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Have you ever asked them individually at a later calm time way they prefer to stay home?
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amother
Stonewash
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Thu, Feb 29 2024, 7:31 pm
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I don't let playdates in middle the week but on Sundays when my girls are home all day I encourage friends and one dd always refuses. If a friend knocks she might say yes, but never agrees to initiate. She drives my baby crazy cuz she's bored.
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abound
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 11:40 am
Separate them. As long as they are fighting they may not cross paths. Do it for 3 days, it should help.
Like if they need the bathroom u need to go and make sure they dont cross paths.
Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. ......also they will be bored so they may decide its not worth it to fight.
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amother
Glitter
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Tue, Mar 05 2024, 11:47 am
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Invite a friend of yours over, to come with her daughters.
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