My 14 yr old son won’t go to yeshiva, boy bothering him

amother

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:39 am

My son up until now was going but didn’t really like going to yeshiva but he always went.
Recently a new boy with adhd and other issues came into the yeshiva.
My son started complaining the boy bothers him.
Turns out I am friendly with the mother and I know from past that her son is difficult.
Now my son refuses to go to yeshiva because this boy bothers my son all the time. I’m not saying my son is an angle but he doesn’t annoy people like this boy does.
Now I don’t know what to do. My son is refusing to go.
I like this boys mother and I don’t want to make an enemy with her but I need my son to go to yeshiva and can’t have him sit at home all day long.
My son spoke to the rosh yeshiva but I don’t think anything will happen.
What do I do now my son is refusing to go to yeshiva.

WhatFor

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:46 am

If this boy is causing so much pain or anxiety in your son that he refuses to go to school, that's a major issue. Did your son specify how he's bothering him? He has a right to sit in school and learn without being harassed, bullied, or abused (I don't know what's happening here).

Assuming there is something serious going on, first, you need to get to the bottom of what's happening. Next, talk to the school about it, since your son already tried and apparently it didn't help. Finally, if the school isn't doing anything to make the environment a safe place for your son, find a new school.

I'm basing this on the assumption that the kid is really significantly disturbing him in some way. If your son has some other issue going on and is just blaming the kid, that would be a different story, obviously.

hodeez

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 8:49 am

You speak to the mother then you speak to the school. Your son comes first. I had similar with my daughter, I spoke to the mother. Got nowhere. Called the principal, she sat the girls down and there hasn't been an incident since bh.

amother

Magnolia

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 9:00 am

Call a meeting with school now. There should be zero tolerance for anyone bothering another kid regardless of diagnosis. They need a plan in place about how they will be preventing your son from being hurt all day.

amother

Forsythia

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 9:54 am

Since it's happening in yeshiva, address it with the school, not the parents. If the Rosh Yeshiva is not listening to your son then it's time for the parents to get involved. If the Rosh Yeshiva is still not doing anything even after a plan us put in place then it may be time for a new yeshiva.

amother

Forsythia

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 9:55 am

hodeez wrote:

Don't blame the parents. It's hard to do anything when the mother is not physically there. It should be addressed with the school

amother

Hunter

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 10:42 am

In what way is he bothering him? Is it physical, social, etc?
Your son has the right to be safe in his environment so if it is a matter of safety I would do whatever it takes. But if he merely doesn't like the kid I think a 14 year old is old enough to understand sometimes we do things we don't enjoy and it might be hard but we need to learn to deal with adversity.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 11:56 am

OP, my son is in a similar situation, same age, but the boy who bothers him is the charmingTzadik of the class who's manipulative and nasty. We can't even complain cause the boy's father is the principal. The difference is my son does go to school because he knows theres no alternative. We can only daven.

amother

Cappuccino

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 12:00 pm

amother Orchid wrote:

This is what happened to someone I know. The bully was the supporter of yeshiva son. He can do no wrong in their eyes.

Well the boy ended up leaving yeshiva and went OTD for a few years. Bh is doing well now and frum but more modern and found his place in the world bh.

Bullying is not something you can play with. Take it up with the school no matter what or pull him out.

amother

Crimson

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 12:04 pm

If the mother knows her son is difficult, most likely she's doing everything. She can already. Take it up with the school. There's a big limit to what parents can do with difficult preteens

amother

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 2:36 pm

So I spoke to the principal.
My son isn't so innocent like I suspected but this other boy bothers everyone and everyone has a problem with him and they don't with my son. My son is bored and acts out but he doesn't bother the kids like the other boy.
As the principal said they are having a power struggle.
The principal wants to sit down with both boys to talk to them.
Seeing that I know the mother and see her often is it a good idea to say something to her or just ignore the situation when we meet and let the school take care of it?

amother

Hunter

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 2:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

The principal told you that everyone has a problem with this other boy?

justforfun87

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 2:49 pm

It sounds like you need to learn to deal with your own son's behavior before discussing issues with another boy's mom.

amother

Orchid

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 2:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Please don't discuss with the other mom if you still want to be friends. You have no idea how she'll react and in an case parents have close to a 0% success rate when confronting other parents especially when in comes to teenagers. Let the school deal with the issue.