PSA - teachers don’t remember

amother

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 9:19 pm

I say this every year and I’ll say it again.

Teachers can’t remember who gave what. Unless it was something unusual like a whole fish with the head and tail the teacher doesn’t remember if you gave something extravagant or ordinary.

While tips are always appreciated it should come from a parent wanting to give the teacher something to show hakaras hatov rather than pressure.
The teacher doesn’t think any less of the child if there isn’t a tip.

Every year I hear of children not going to teachers because they can’t afford fancy MM or a tip. Please send your children.

FYI- my husband and I are both teachers for many years.

amother

Skyblue

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 9:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't remember who came to PTA but I do remember if a student came to give MM because it's the student I care about and know, not the parent.

amother

Tulip

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 9:37 pm

amother OP wrote:

I disagree with this. Experience & talking to people, has taught me otherwise.
It's foolish to think that teachers don't remember & that tips don't make a difference.

amother

Poinsettia

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:01 pm

As a teacher I can honestly say mm has never changed my feelings about a kid ever. I obviously appreciate it and enjoy it but it has never once changed how I acted toward a student. Give mm if you want to show appreciation or enjoy it but it’s the weirdest thing to do it as a bribe.

amother

Carnation

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:13 pm

Thanks for posting OP. As someone who was not raised frum (did not celebrate Purim until well into adulthood) I had no idea until my kids were already most of the way through elementary school that we were "supposed" to deliver shalach manos to teachers' homes. Let alone tip teachers on Purim. Hopefully most teachers give the benefit of the doubt and realize that some of these customs are pretty opaque and community-specific. Like, these particular nuggets are not covered in the Kitov Book of Our Heritage series!

amother

Poinsettia

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:18 pm

And as a follow up, the only students who gave a “tip” were the girls who lived in Monsey. I assume it’s what’s done there and I just felt bad that the parents felt like they were supposed to.

amother

Hotpink

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:19 pm

amother Poinsettia wrote:

They must have all grown up and moved to lakewood!

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:22 pm

I grew up in Europe and we never brought mm to our teachers!! We sometimes brought some to school but they never included money!!!
This minhag definitely depends on location!!
I live in Lakewood now and of course bring to all my kid's teachers, tip included! LOL

amother

DarkYellow

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:32 pm

I grew up in a community where giving mm to teachers was not really done, and I am now a teacher where it’s not done. Occasionally students bring me something, but never a tip.
After reading about all of this on here, boy am I glad I’m somewhere without that expectation.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Mar 07 2024, 10:49 pm

And some teachers…
I once had a teacher tell me she’s only in it for the gifts. I really hope she was joking. And if she wasn’t, well I hope she never teaches my kids!
(We live out of town and do send MM)