School play | Imamother

amother

Bottlebrush

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 9:31 am

amother OP wrote:

My mother totally understands and does not mind not coming if it's the rt thing

Also, if we would show my MIL a recording she would definitely be insulted that she wasn't invited.

Your mother should go. It has nothing to do with MIL not going.

kenz

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 9:43 am

amother OP wrote:

My mother totally understands and does not mind not coming if it's the rt thing

Also, if we would show my MIL a recording she would definitely be insulted that she wasn't invited.

I totally hear your concern about doing the right thing, but it sounds like you can fairly easily keep it from your mother in law. Of course there’s always a chance of her finding it, but if it’s a fairly small one, it sounds like it’s worth the chance. Why would you show her a recording of the event knowing it could hurt her? Obviously if you keep it from her, you keep it from her always.
And it sounds like you should speak to someone about sharing your mother in law’s mental health issues with your children in an appropriate manner so that they will begin to react with compassion rather than embarrassment. That doesn’t mean they should stop feeling embarrassed or start including her in things they aren’t comfortable with, but it may help them deal with their own feelings towards her in the long run.

amother

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 9:50 am

kenz wrote:

This is a great idea, especially now as my kids get older.

essie14

Sun, Mar 03 2024, 11:49 am

You should not force DD to invite your MIL and you shouldn't deprive her of inviting your mother.
Perhaps MIL can be invited to events where her mental illness is less disturbing. Maybe a Purim event or something like that?

amother

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 12:48 pm

Update:
My MIl found out Abt the play through the school. I already bought tickets bed re she found out and my mother was going to come.
My mil left me a message asking if I'm going and if she should go ...
Idk what to do. My daughter really doesn't want her to come.

amother

Peach

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 1:04 pm

Tell her those plays last forever and end very late and you didn't tell her about it because you really think she shouldn't come.
"Of course it's up to you to decide but if I were you I wouldn't go!"
("If you want to watch it, I can get a recording of the play and we can all watch it together at home!")

amother

Crocus

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 1:06 pm

Your children will have enough situations in life where they will have to grin and bear it-face reality head on -accept life's challenges-family members with mental health issues, and differences. A school event is they're time to shine. Anyone who may be an embarrassment doesn't belong there. When possible MIL shouldn't know about the events,that she is not welcome at . In such situation where she knows Mae up whatever story you need to to prevent her from coming
-talking as a DIL of MIL with mental illness. I respect MIL and celebrate her birthday visit and encourage children to do same, but no she is never invited to school events

amother

Fri, Mar 08 2024, 1:32 pm

amother Aster wrote:

Can you say it’s for mothers only? How did she find out through school?

Apparently the school mailed something to the grandparents

essie14

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:28 am

amother OP wrote:

Apparently the school mailed something to the grandparents

So inappropriate. TG my kids schools have no idea who the grandparents are.
It should be your decision to invite grandparents. Not the school's call.

amother

Black

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 1:55 am

I had a feeling while reading through the thread that your mil would probably find out. Somehow people find things out especially when you're trying to hide it.
Tough dilemma OP.

amother

Cappuccino

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 3:12 am

amother OP wrote:

Apparently the school mailed something to the grandparents

Just to let OP know she’s not alone in this. My niece was the main part in her school play. My mother has mental issues but because she donates to the school they invited her personally and even gave her a front seat. We all went but sat further back. My brother hired a bouncer who sat on the side with a jacket that said Security just in case my mother would do anything that necessitated her removal. The school was informed of the situation beforehand and agreed.

Do whatever is in your power not to put your DD in that position. If your MIL acts up the incident will be remembered by her peers forever and do lasting damage.

amother

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 12:38 pm

Thanks everyone for your replies.

When I spoke to my MIL I told her it is a very long play and the travel included will take a lot of time. Funny thing is she was concerned my daughter would be insulted if she didn't come. Either way BH it seems as if I convinced her not too come.

Now let us hope she doesn't find out my mother is coming.

amother

Coral

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 12:43 pm

essie14 wrote:

So inappropriate. TG my kids schools have no idea who the grandparents are.
It should be your decision to invite grandparents. Not the school's call.

What’s inappropriate about it? They’re inviting the grandparents to come and have Nachas. How are they supposed to know there’s a sticky situation? My kids school regularly sends out notices about functions to the grandparents and I’m fine with it. I feel bad for op because now she’s stuck but I see nothing wrong with inviting grandparents.