Mom calls me crying every day

B'Syata D'Shmya

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:13 am

amother OP wrote:

She calls me crying and begging to start taking weight loss shots. First of all, I'm still nursing and expect to be nursing for another year or so. My doctor has already said it's a hard no while nursing and is also fine with me nursing for however long I want to. She says no reason to stop just for this, I won't die from waiting another year to tackle my obesity. Also, I have reservations about it. I'm worried about side effects and potential long term issues. So even if I didn't have a reason I couldn't, I'm still not sure I'd go ahead just yet (haven't ruled it out, just not ready to go ahead).

My mother, who has long been on my case about my weight, is getting increasingly hysterical that I'm not starting right now. She's guilt tripping me that I'm traumatizing my kids by not taking care of my health. My siblings say I'm selfish and violating kibbud eim. I told them there is no such halacha that I need to follow whatever medical advice my parent thinks is correct. I already told them this is between me and my doctor, they say my doctor is a quack and I need a new one. I'm so exhausted from this fight. I've been avoiding my side of the family for now.

Wishing you much nachas from your family and good health ad meah vesrim. Wishing you SB with your mother and siblings.
Personally, if I were in your situation, it would be me crying for the way they are treating me.
Ask your Dr for a referral to a nutritionist if you want. There are healthier ways of tackling your situation than shots.

amother

Aconite

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:38 am

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

Exactly. The pressure. The comments. The obsession. It only makes it worst! And so does every diet...each time you diet it slows down your metabolism even more. I could also go on and on. Glad to see I'm not alone in these feelings.

Nope u are not.
Siting at a table and quietly enjoying food only to have s/0 come and sit down and say how can u still eat, or I’m so stuffed or I can’t believe I’m eating this I already ate so much… my diet starts tomm.. please let me eat in peace I don’t need to hear it. Even if I would be a size 0. EVERYONE has a right to eat their food and enjoy it fully without the shame and guilt and comments. You eat ur cake let me eat mine it’s delicious and let’s move on. How did commenting on these things become normal and expected? It takes away the enjoyment of social eating.

Thin people are not exempt from comments either. wow! Ur so skinny and u eat so much, how are u so skinny .. omg the diet centric culture is the problem.

Basically after years of being fat shamed and binge eating and then feeling shame and guilt about it I am learning to love and enjoy food and be in the moment and listen to my hunger cues and eat things I actually like. And I was surprised to realize I actually wanted to eat an apple and make a choice that will just make my body feel better and more energetic.

amother

Yolk

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 12:53 am

amother Yarrow wrote:

Sounds like a tough call. You’re all grown up, married with kids of your own, so it seems like you can control your own health choices.

On the other hand, these are the main people in your life that care about you (other than your husband, I assume). So I wouldn’t be so quick to discount what they are saying.

I absolutely would be quick to discount what they're saying. She's not stupid, her mother is clearly lacking boundaries and emotional attunement. And newsflash: the main people in your life/ones closest to you don't always care about you or rather don't always know what proper care of you actually looks like.

OP: work with a therapist to get through the blockages that are causing you to eat the things that aren't good for you. And for your sake, please go to someone that health at every size inclusive and has knowledge of eating disorders and intuitive eating. It's life changing, I've been there.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 1:12 am

amother Ivory wrote:

As I mentioned several times, I am not defending OP's families behavior at all.
I'm just pointing out that certain situations may warrant sensitive intervention from those around us.

Who says op is not healthy??

Mom isn’t saying, OP, maybe you can eat more healthy and exercise more so you take care of your body.

Mom is saying I don’t like you when you’re fat so get skinny. That has ZERO to do with health

Dandelion21

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 1:20 am

[quote="amother OP"]She calls me crying and begging to start taking weight loss shots. First of all, I'm still nursing and expect to be nursing for another year or so. My doctor has already said it's a hard no while nursing and is also fine with me nursing for however long I want to. She says no reason to stop just for this, I won't die from waiting another year to tackle my obesity. Also, I have reservations about it. I'm worried about side effects and potential long term issues. So even if I didn't have a reason I couldn't, I'm still not sure I'd go ahead just yet (haven't ruled it out, just not ready to go ahead).

My mother, who has long been on my case about my weight, is getting increasingly hysterical that I'm not starting right now. She's guilt tripping me that I'm traumatizing my kids by not taking care of my health. My siblings say I'm selfish and violating kibbud eim. I told them there is no such halacha that I need to follow whatever medical advice my parent thinks is correct. I already told them this is between me and my doctor, they say my doctor is a quack and I need a new one. I'm so exhausted from this fight. I've been avoiding my side of the family for now.[/quote

Everybody should mind their own business.

amother

Natural

Tue, Mar 12 2024, 2:07 am

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

You're also a nursing mother...so if you didn't have fat you couldn't provide for your baby. Just saying.

Not true. Many skinny people successfully nurse their kids and have nicely growing infants.

At the same time, many women retain weight while nursing so they can't lose it. No matter what they try besides actual starvation.

These things are so individual.