Shoes in the house

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 9:11 am

watergirl wrote:

With all due respect to you because you know, I love you, if I was a guest in someone’s house and they handed these to me, I would be so uncomfortable and embarrassed. I don’t think I would come back.

I wish people who have shoe free homes understood The guest feels when this request is made for demanded. No, I don’t want to take off my shoes and I don’t have to share my reasoning. No, I don’t want to keep my shoes on and put a cover over them.

I’ve been to a few homes for Shabbos lunch, where they are proudly (ie smugly) shoe-free. They of course, have their own shoes that they could wear inside the house because because They are strictly worn inside their homes and never outside. It is the guest who was made to feel uncomfortable for some of us. It is an absolutely horrible feeling to have this request made. Hosts need to try to have empathy when they decide to invite someone into their home.

While I offer alternatives, I also said we're not shoe-free for shabbos or yom tovim. It's not reasonable to ask regular guests to take off their shoes on shabbos or yuntif. To us, that's odd. During weekdays, when my kids have friends over, they can leave their muddy school shoes downstairs and out of bedrooms. If not, they can simply put their feet in the machine and have minimalist covering. If they really wanna chill, use a pair of new guest slippers. We're not crazy about it but this is really about kids and any workers that come in. An adult friend that stops by to schmooze and comes into my kitchen, I don't even bother to mention shoes. It's fine for 10 mins or whatever. For us, it's about where the shoes will go. Upstairs, to bedrooms, or downstairs, where we have our family room and more bedrooms, those are no go zones with dirt. Main spaces are more accessible. I will admit that when someone comes over and their kids climb on my couches on shabbos wearing shoes, it makes me a little nuts. But I don't say anything. I wouldn't want them to feel embarrassed.

amother

IndianRed

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 9:18 am

watergirl wrote:

This! 100%. Unless you live in a country where this is the norm, it's cruel to put someone in that position. I wish these people were aware and valued and considered the feelings of their guests over the condition of their floors.

amother

Gold

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 9:21 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

I think there's a difference between guests who hang out in your main spaces and your bedrooms and family room. We let guests wear shoes in our main rooms even if we don't, but there are no shoes upstairs in the bedrooms or in our playroom where there's a thick shag carpet- but if you're close enough that you're going there, you're close enough I can ask you to take off your shoes. (generally it's just child visitors anyway going there)

amother

Seagreen

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 10:46 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

So we're a shoe free house, except on shabbos and yom tovim. Here's what I offer guests:
https://solemateco.com/shop/sm.....hine/
If you don't want to take off your shoes, no problem. Use this. If you want to take off shoes, we have guest slippers available. We also use food covers (Asian style) and clothing sanitizers.

What’s the difference of Shabbes and yom tov?

Ftr we are a shoe free home but guests are exempt. I often have people, even delivery guys! Asking should I remove my shoes? We always answer - guests are exempt.

amother

Oatmeal

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 10:51 am

We also don’t wear shoes in the house but I don’t ask adult guests to take theirs off. I do ask my kids friends to because their shoes often have mud and the kids like to climb on the sofas.

OP I would just say you would prefer to keep them on if someone asks you. If they press it further you can say you have a reason (you can say medical if you feel comfortable) for keeping them on. If they continue to try to convince you to take them off then that is majorly weird and you just tell them it’s you with shoes on or you’re just going to have to leave Very Happy

amother

Oatmeal

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 10:51 am

amother Gold wrote:

Exact same with us.

zaq

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 12:39 pm

I would ask all would-be hosts if they have a shoeless rule. If the answer is yes, I would explain that I have to retain my shoes for medical reasons--no need to explain the exact condition unless you want to, it's none of their business--and give them the opportunity to rescind the invitation if they're so doggone inflexible (keeping in mind that they may have a medical reason for their policy, too!) or to say no prob, they'll make an exception for me. If they can't bend their rule and you can't bend yours, suggest meeting somewhere other than at their house.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 12:51 pm

Im curious.
Those who have an inflexible no shoe upstairs or whatever, does that include parents and in-laws for extended visits.
Because my parents and in-laws sometimes stay by us for a few days. They sleep upstairs in our guest room.
And they need to wear their orthotic or orthopedic shoes all the time for various medical reasons. And due to back, hip, knee, balance issues would not be able to walk safely in shoe covers.

I just can't fathom a world where I would even consider restricting my parents or in-laws or aunts and uncles visits because of floor cleanliness and shag rugs.

amother

Calendula

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 12:54 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

A while back, someone mentioned in a thread that they made their grandmother remove her shoes when she came to their home, and she said that she makes her parents remove their shoes as well.
I cannot wrap my mind around the sheer chutzpah of that.

amother

NeonYellow

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 1:04 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

For us, we don't have overnight guests upstairs. Our guest rooms are in the basement. If having company for a shabbos, then no. We wouldn't tell them not to wear shoes but they would only be downstairs or on the first floor. Children r adults going upstairs need to take shoes off or cover. We don't have rugs or anything like that but I do have health reasons for keeping my home the way it is. Upstairs needs to be as sterile as possible. If anyone has mobility issues, bh, we have an elevator to use. I deliberately picked a machine that places a thin layer of plastic on the soles of shoes so that someone doesn't slip or have their gait impacted in our home. Marble and porcelain floors are very slippery in general. I wouldn't ask someone to walk around without grip on their feet. The goal isn't to be unreasonable but to ask for some mutual consideration when people come to my home. I said (upthread) that we make allowances for shabbos and yom tov and we're really about where those shoes plan to go. Upstairs is a no go zone. I don't think that's too much to ask.

amother

Gold

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 2:51 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

Upstairs are just our bedrooms so we really almost never have company other than kids friends up there (our guest rooms are in the basement and we don't keep it shoe free down there because the floor does get cold. )

If my mother comes upstairs to put my kids to bed or something for me, she does keep her shoes on, but she wipes them well on the mat first. Same with the playroom. But the intersection of people who are going into our bedrooms/ sitting on the playroom floor, and those who medically need shoes , is pretty low.