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Forum
-> Hobbies, Crafts, and Collections
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Mar 28 2024, 7:32 am
Please be honest and realistic in your responses.
There’s this yearning in me since I’m a little girl to become musically proficient.
I dream of playing piano or guitar - flying over the keys or jamming out those chords, and singing along.
It’s this deep desire I have since as long as I can remember. To use music as an outlet for emotion and a place to create.
The problem is, I’m older now. Closer to middle age than my teenage years. Should I pursue it now, or is it a waste of time? Can I realistically become truly proficient in my 40’s? I would be able to dedicate about 20-30 minutes a day to this, but it only makes sense to spend this time if it’s a realistic goal. My time is very precious right now but I do want it badly.
I’m not crazy talented but I’m a musically inclined person. I had a beautiful voice as a young girl, or so I’ve been told. I have a natural sense of rhythm and I sing on key. I can do basic harmony to almost any song immediately but I can’t naturally compose novel ones. My parents didn’t have money to send me for any kind of lessons, (and neither do I for my own kids now, so I get it…)
We owned a keyboard, so I played around a bit, but I couldn’t teach myself much. Some of my siblings taught themselves to play by ear, but I couldn’t pull it off. Does that mean I just don’t have it?
Please advise and TIA!
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Ima03
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:12 am
My grandmother started piano lessons in her 60s. She always wanted to learn and never had the opportunity.
If it's something that is important to you, it's never to late to learn.
(My other grandmother learned to swim when she was probably in her 50s. When there is a will there is a way)
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Kiwi13
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:16 am
You can definitely learn. I would suggest not getting too caught up on becoming “proficient.” Instead, focus on learning to express yourself musically on your chosen instrument. If learning to play it well in a short amount of time is important to you, choose something easier to learn. For example, ukulele is more beginner-friendly than guitar.
Hatzlacha! You’ve got this!
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amother
Currant
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:22 am
See, the problem with dreams is that the boring practising sessions never appear in them.
When you never had the opportunity of taking piano or guitar lessons, you also never had a mother who told you "go practise" when you would rather have played outside.
The flying fingers, they don't come just from the piano or guitar at home, they don't come just from the lessons - they come from hard practise, and up to a certain extent, the more you practise, the more your fingers will fly. But practise is steady repetition, not everyone likes that.
And most dreamers do not take that into account.
Now, this is good news, because I just revealed to you that flying fingers on piano are not just "talent", but hours and hours of practise.
Which also means: if you are ready to invest practise now, even at age 40, you might get to a place where playing piano/guitar is a nice hobby for you.
Maybe you will never be able to play Tchaikovsky's piano concerto - but who cares? Who wants to hear Tchaikovsky's piano concerto anyway? But on the piano and on the guitar there is a lot of intermediate repertoire that is well within your reach at age 40 - on the condition that you are willing to invest the effort to practise.
So if your aim is to accompany the family for chanukka or purim songs, or to play in a small house concert, go for it. That is totally possible. The more time you invest, the further you will get. I have a friend who is an exellent piano teacher for adults, but probably not in the same town as you.
But, to tell you the truth: my mother (the one who told me "go practise"), who had dreamed of playing piano from childhood, and always regretted that she had no possibility to do it, started piano once she retired, and she could not bring herself to practise.
But if you mainly want to enjoy music you play yourself, you are certainly set up for success.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:55 am
| Ima03 wrote: | My grandmother started piano lessons in her 60s. She always wanted to learn and never had the opportunity.
If it's something that is important to you, it's never to late to learn.
(My other grandmother learned to swim when she was probably in her 50s. When there is a will there is a way) |
And did it work? Did she learn to play? Did it “stick?”
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amother
OP
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:57 am
| Kiwi13 wrote: | You can definitely learn. I would suggest not getting too caught up on becoming “proficient.” Instead, focus on learning to express yourself musically on your chosen instrument. If learning to play it well in a short amount of time is important to you, choose something easier to learn. For example, ukulele is more beginner-friendly than guitar.
Hatzlacha! You’ve got this! |
That’s what I mean by proficient. Beige anke to play well enough to use it as a form of self expression. Mostly, I want it just for me. And I don’t really care to play for others except my own family.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:00 am
| amother Currant wrote: | See, the problem with dreams is that the boring practising sessions never appear in them.
When you never had the opportunity of taking piano or guitar lessons, you also never had a mother who told you "go practise" when you would rather have played outside.
The flying fingers, they don't come just from the piano or guitar at home, they don't come just from the lessons - they come from hard practise, and up to a certain extent, the more you practise, the more your fingers will fly. But practise is steady repetition, not everyone likes that.
And most dreamers do not take that into account.
Now, this is good news, because I just revealed to you that flying fingers on piano are not just "talent", but hours and hours of practise.
Which also means: if you are ready to invest practise now, even at age 40, you might get to a place where playing piano/guitar is a nice hobby for you.
Maybe you will never be able to play Tchaikovsky's piano concerto - but who cares? Who wants to hear Tchaikovsky's piano concerto anyway? But on the piano and on the guitar there is a lot of intermediate repertoire that is well within your reach at age 40 - on the condition that you are willing to invest the effort to practise.
So if your aim is to accompany the family for chanukka or purim songs, or to play in a small house concert, go for it. That is totally possible. The more time you invest, the further you will get. I have a friend who is an exellent piano teacher for adults, but probably not in the same town as you.
But, to tell you the truth: my mother (the one who told me "go practise"), who had dreamed of playing piano from childhood, and always regretted that she had no possibility to do it, started piano once she retired, and she could not bring herself to practise.
But if you mainly want to enjoy music you play yourself, you are certainly set up for success. |
Thank you for the detailed response. I’m worried that even if I practice a lot, it won’t pay off and will be a waste of time for me.
I’m “making time” for this, I am actually a very busy person with a full house of kids and a busy work life, so this is an investment of time for me, and I don’t think the process will be enjoyable (as you mentioned, the practicing is a killer), so I really want to research and do the hishtadlus necessary to make sure it hopefully pays off at the end BSD.
Thanks!
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amother
Anemone
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:02 am
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I used to play as a kid and decided to take it up again at around 40, a few months ago. I am NOT musically inclined, not someone who sings on key.... but I enjoy it and decided it doesn't matter. I know someone else who started around then, from scratch. She's not where she would like to be because she's starting from scratch but she still enjoys it and feels like it's her "me time" personally I'm really glad I picked it back up even though I'll probably never be amazing.
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amother
OP
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:03 am
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To clarify - I’m afraid that I am just dreaming and will not be able to pull this off in any way. if I’m being unrealistic, I’d really appreciate people telling me instead of hearing the feel good answer of “go for it” if it really doesn’t make sense to someone who has seen a lot and has experience.
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amother
Anemone
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:07 am
| amother OP wrote: | | To clarify - I’m afraid that I am just dreaming and will not be able to pull this off in any way. if I’m being unrealistic, I’d really appreciate people telling me instead of hearing the feel good answer of “go for it” if it really doesn’t make sense to someone who has seen a lot and has experience. |
it really depends how much you'll practice. it takes a time commitment. do you have that time now? there are definitely people who learned as adults who can enjoy playing now.
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amother
Begonia
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:09 am
I tried this and also tried to learn art. Never could stick to it, the burst of inspiration fades when it gets boring. Just being honest here! I did have more success with practical hobbies like cake decorating and chocolate making, where results are much faster 
But those don't fill that gap where I wish I could express myself through my hands, or just be impressive...
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Choirmistress
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:11 am
WELCOME TO THE CLUB!
No, you are NOT doomed. I am older than you and still have ambitions to play at least guitar and keyboard (portable Casio CTK-431), if not also drums/bongo and recorder.
Allow me to paraphrase Dear Abby's/Ann Landers' answer from decades ago to a questioner wondering if it would be worth her while to attend law school:
"Abby, I'm already in my 50s. How old will I be when I finish and pass the bar?"
"Honey, how old will you be in eight or ten years if you DON'T go to law school?"
Long story short: If you're like me, you should be satisfied with being good enough to accompany singers, even if only yourself. Unlike you, however, I have three handicaps: poor hearing (with bilateral tinnitus, thank you); an unreliable singing voice since my second bout of laryngitis decades ago; and no ability (yet!) to read or write sheet music. One advantage I have is a proficiency with words. I have composed several tunes, put new words to other existing ones, and translated more than those two categories combined (to or from English, French, Hebrew or Yiddish).
Bottom line: GO FOR IT.
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amother
Mintcream
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:11 am
I decided to learn a new skill in my late 20s. It was something physical, closer to dance/gymnastics type of thing. It’s hard hard work, but it’s definitely possible!
I’d say the biggest thing is to really stick to it, even when you want to give up or slow down. Consistency is key, and you will get there even if it takes time
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Goody2shoes
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:21 am
| amother OP wrote: | | To clarify - I’m afraid that I am just dreaming and will not be able to pull this off in any way. if I’m being unrealistic, I’d really appreciate people telling me instead of hearing the feel good answer of “go for it” if it really doesn’t make sense to someone who has seen a lot and has experience. |
This is something you need to ask yourself, how badly do you want to learn to play? Will you follow through or will you start paying for lessons only to drop in the middle?
if you don't think you'll practice enough or have enough patience to stick it out, I'm not sure paying for lessons is worth it.
Same with buying an instrument for yourself, they're not cheap! Only do so if you know you'll play it.
I play piano and guitar and then begged my parents for a violin, which I got but never learnt to play. I feel bad about it and am trying to sell it so that they can have their money back.]
Don't hold yourself back out of fear that you won't be perfect. If you are as musically inclined as you say you are, go for it!
Last edited by Goody2shoes on Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:24 am; edited 1 time in total
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tigerwife
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:23 am
Call a teacher today and go for it. The reason kids resent practice is usually because they are forced to take lessons by their parents. But you want to do this. You are already a step ahead.
Besides, if you take ten lessons and then decide you are not interested in continuing, what is the loss? You still gained ten lessons of musical knowledge and can pick it up again anytime. Don’t expect to be Beethoven in two months, but if you truly enjoy it, playing music can be so satisfying and cathartic. Learning a few more instruments is on my bucket lest for them life as a young mom calm down a bit.
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amother
Powderblue
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:00 am
Yes! Yes! (And I would love to be your teacher, if you live in Lakewood or would take lessons over Zoom)
The key is to focus on the enjoyment and emotional expression, and not on forcing yourself to meet a perfectionistic standard.
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imasinger
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:18 am
As a teacher of both piano and guitar, I echo everyone else.
I've helped a number of busy women who wanted to start as adults.
They often progress quickly, because they understand the need for regular practice, and because they can take in the basic understanding of music more quickly.
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kugelEater
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:36 am
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What about violin? I play piano fairly well by ear but I would love to play violin. I have heard that it is really hard to learn...
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amother
Mocha
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:45 am
| kugelEater wrote: | | What about violin? I play piano fairly well by ear but I would love to play violin. I have heard that it is really hard to learn... |
You really need to practice and have a good teacher. My daughter takes violin lessons. She is naturally talented. She plays guitar extremely well and gives guitar lessons herself even though she's only a teenager. She's been learning violin for a 1+ years and plays very nicely but it's a lot harder than guitar. Once she had the basics in guitar she was able to fly on her own using youtube to teach her how to bar, figure out cool strums etc. Violin is very different but totally worth it if you have time to invest.
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Muser
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Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:50 am
As a guitar teacher for many years to both young children and women older than yourself - go for it. A little bit of musical talent and commitment to practice is all you need. It is the best outlet!
Feel free to pm me
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