Some kids don’t thrive in a school setting

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amother

Saddlebrown

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:07 pm

amother Ginger wrote:

I feel this so much. My kids do well in school but as a therapist I work with MANY kids whose primary "issue" is that they aren't cut out for school. It breaks my heart. The non Jewish schools where I live are really no better (probably more rigid if anything) so I don't see how this comes into play at all.

The public school where I live is better. Shorter days built in extracurricular and highly trained teachers as well as support staff and integrated classes. It goes by district probably

amother

Brass

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:08 pm

Ugh it's so hard. I wish I could homeschool, really I wish.
Try making sure she doesn't feel bad about herself even if teachers call to complain about her.

I know you said you don't know of any Montessori near you but maybe post your location and we can help you find a more viable option?

amother

Lavender

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:13 pm

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

The public school where I live is better. Shorter days built in extracurricular and highly trained teachers as well as support staff and integrated classes. It goes by district probably

To clarify. I wasn't referring to the local public school. It's lousy.

I would either move to a excellent district, or send to a a private school that really caters to these kids.

In my haskafa, there are really no alternative options at all.

unclemoishy

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 8:52 pm

I was like this as a child. It turns out I had ADHD. School never got easier for me, and I struggled throughout high school.

behappy2

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:00 pm

I would switch schools

mamabird73

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:32 pm

If by any chance, you're close to Northern NJ (Bergen County) I know a program that may be similar to what you're looking for. Feel free to PM me.

amother

Mimosa

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:34 pm

I was about to write a post about a similar topic, young inexperienced girls teaching. But the bottom line is the same. Some kids suffer in the school system. And in my community no one homeschools. We would be looked at as funny people, plus my kids would have no friends.
But every once in a while, I almost consider it.

amother

Olive

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:38 pm

Yep. I hear you. I send my child to a Montessori school it’s not Jewish but we were at the point that her mental health was what was most important. I wish I could just home school her.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:39 pm

I agree that differently wired kids can suffer even more in public schools,even in "top" districts.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:45 pm

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

The public school where I live is better. Shorter days built in extracurricular and highly trained teachers as well as support staff and integrated classes. It goes by district probably

Do you work in the school? I have worked in a "good" district and I was really, really not impressed. As a whole they are a LOT less flexible than my local frum schools are. All the words you wrote sound nice, and would be nice if they were implemented well. IME they aren't. Shorter days is all they have going for them on a consistent basis, but of course that wouldn't work with a dual curriculum regardless.

amother

Jetblack

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 9:51 pm

My son is the same. It breaks my heart. I hate forcing him to go to school every day. There is a Montessori school near me but it’s only for girls. 😞

amother

Pear

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:04 pm

I homeschool. I was homeschooled as well. Apparently, ADHD is genetic.

I'm more interested in doing what is right for my child than what "everyone" does and I don't care if that makes me weird. The Torah says to teach every child according to his way.

amother

Mimosa

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:16 pm

If the kids would automatically be at a social disadvantage because they were homeschooled, then it isn't necessarily the right path to take.

amother

Cerise

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 10:54 pm

mamabird73 wrote:

If by any chance, you're close to Northern NJ (Bergen County) I know a program that may be similar to what you're looking for. Feel free to PM me.

Which program?

amother

Pear

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 10:04 am

amother Mimosa wrote:

If the kids would automatically be at a social disadvantage because they were homeschooled, then it isn't necessarily the right path to take.

Being in a school that doesn't work for you puts you at a social disadvantage too, believe me. This way you get to fail in front of everyone instead?

amother

Mimosa

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 11:10 am

It's very individual. Sometimes the kid is not failing academically. Sometimes it's a social matter, or anxiety about being away from home. There are so many different variables that can make a kid suffer in the school setting as it is now in our schools.
It can even be something like not being able to use the restroom properly or eat well.

amother

Ebony

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 2:36 pm

My oldest dd is like this and so was I.

Best to get your kid an evaluation, that way if there is anything, the school has to accommodate. For example, being allowed to take a break and go stretch your legs in the hallway when you want. Not writing as much. Untimed tests. More forgiving about homework. Oral tests. Etc.

In my case, it was a mix of ADHD and being gifted. But homeschool for me would have been a disaster, and same with my dd. Not because it is a disaster for everyone, for some people it is great. It depends on personalities of everyone involved.

Montessori is also great for some kids but not for others, I personally think it wouldn't work well for my dd. There are other systems like Waldorf or Democratic or who knows what else. Not all are available everywhere, and even if they are, they aren't for everyone.

Another option that I dream about but have no way to do is to have a homeschool pod with a private teacher. Meaning, a small group of children being homeschooled, but not by a parent, by a professional teacher/tutor or set of teachers/tutors. Kids get individual attention, can move at their own pace, and the school day is generally shorter and can include homework within it so that when they are done, they are done. It is also better socially for many kids to have a small group of peers rather than in homeschooling just by themselves or with siblings, though again, it depends on the child and family.

In the meantime, I told my daughter that part of life is learning to sit down, be quiet, listen to others, and handle being bored. It's not a fun part of life, but it is part of being an adult as well, and is an important skill in life. But frankly, the whole school system is terrible and I wish there was a better balance between sitting and listening and learning in an interactive way.

amother

Mimosa

Sun, Mar 31 2024, 4:36 pm

Too much sitting, too little moving around. Definitely

amother

Hawthorn

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 9:47 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Agreed. I’d definitely send to one if there was an option in my neighborhood

I sent my kids to a montessouri school and pulled them out. there's more to a school then just a so called learning style. They are independent learners, love hands on stuff, the type that you would expect to absolutely thrive in such a school but they were so much happier in their more mainstream school because they didn't feel like they were constantly being told you are happy, you are having fun, you are in the most amazing school, you don't understand you are in the most amazing school, my older daughter said, she felt like she had the freedom to actually enjoy stuff instead of being told that she enjoyed stuff. there were other issues as well.
I get the impression that the Montessori school was actually "stricter". we weren't the only one who pulled out and this isn't the only school that started out "Montessori" and then had issues and ended up changing....

amother

Heather

Sun, Apr 07 2024, 11:09 pm

This is all true but it will only benefit these children as adults if we can teach them to learn to sit and conform to the social norms.
Otherwise what kind of adults will they turn out to be?!

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