Why does everyone hate on Maaser so much?

amother

Aster

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 11:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

Again, do you ask before buying yogurt, makeup, or other non-essentials when you owe someone money? Are you worried about theft? Or only if someone is giving tzedakah?

Of course everyone should be in contact with a Rav.

My question is why specifically when it comes to Maaser everyone is suddenly so holy and must ask a Rav if it is allowed.

Yes people do. People are definitely worried about spending money when they're in debt. I have personally asked shaylos, and my friends have to. And believe me, imamother tips them to shreds as well. And if people are helping, boy do they take them apart.

Also, maaser is quite a bit more than a yogurt. If someone is making 5000 dollars a month, let's say,a chomeish is 1000 dollars. That's quite a bit of yogurts.

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 11:48 pm

amother Aster wrote:

I'm very curious, what were you told? Are you allowed to keep the heat on 70 when you are in debt? Can you buy cereal and milk or just oatmeal? Must you according to halacha eat rice and beans?

amother

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 11:53 pm

amother Aster wrote:

Also, maaser is quite a bit more than a yogurt. If someone is making 5000 dollars a month, let's say,a chomeish is 1000 dollars. That's quite a bit of yogurts.

Yeah, it's skipping the yogurts, no chicken during the week, Walmart shoes, no vacation, clinic therapy instead of private, making instead of buying challah, checking your own lettuce, buying last year clearance Kidichic or Tottini instead of current season, and a number of other sacrifices.

But unless your Rav paskens that only rice and beans are permissible when you are in debt (what counts as debt? mortgage? car loan? tuition that you're paying off slowly? credit cards?), why is it unconscionable to prioritize maaser or chomesh instead of having all of those things that are already considered standard?

amother

Clover

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:05 am

amother OP wrote:

If its just you, then you can prioritize whatever you want. But if you're a parent, such decisions affect your family. You need to prioritize your family's needs over your desire for extra stringencies.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:12 am

amother Clover wrote:

Of course. But spiritual benefits are also benefits for the family.

Do you also bring this up when mothers prioritize cleaning help and sacrifice in other areas? Insist on private therapists which also means cutting back? Decide to scrimp and save to afford a Florida vacation?

Not every family has the same priorities and that's okay. Everyone should keep their families in mind when making decisions. Everyone should have a Rav.

But on this site it looks like Maaser is uniquely attacked.

amother

Black

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:43 am

OP, you can't say of course ask a rav and then criticize every person who asked a rav and were told not to give maaser. It's literally the same argument as people asking if they brought up xyz when told to give maaser/chomesh.

We were in debt and asked a rav if we could give maaser and were told absolutely not as it's stealing. He didn't go line by line down our budget beyond that but he did advise, based on the question, that the 10% of our income should go to the debt repayment until paid off.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:53 am

amother Black wrote:

Please reread the thread.

I did NOT criticize anyone who doesn't give maaser.

I understand, there are many reasons not to. Some Rabbis say it is not obligatory at all. Your Rav said it was inappropriate under the circumstances. I'm not judging anyoone.

This thread was questioning why those who DO prioritize maaser are jumped upon. As if sacrificing for maaser is morally repugnant, while sacrificing for other things is understandable.

amother

Mimosa

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:06 am

Op you’re not giving up so I’ll say what I see. Some people look at it as a lottery ticket/gamble. I think it’s the wrong attitude.

Some people have pressure. They feel good to be a giver so want to prove themselves as one.m even though they are a huge taker (from parents, tzedaka, govn help ect)

It is hard to see the big cc bill and all that’s on it is food (which I try to buy on sale) and maser. There is no extra for me to take care of ME. And most of the people /causes have a higher lifestyle than us! That’s when I realized it’s not so black and white.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:16 am

amother Mimosa wrote:

I'm not giving up because you're not answering the question.

You are defending why YOU don't give maaser. You don't have to defend yourself! I'm not judging you! I know many Rabbonim don't say you need to, and I don't think less of them!

But *I* feel judged on this site for choosing to YES give maaser. If I post anything about my finances, the very first thing to be jumped on will ALWAYS be maaser. I will ALWAYS be asked, and asked repeatedly, if I asked my Rav and if I gave all the details and if he understands my situation and if I'm aware that many hold it is not an obligation etc.

And I see it with others too. Your food budget - people might suggest cutting it down. Your mortgage - whatever. But maaser? You shouldn't be giving it at all. Are you SURE you asked a Rav?

amother

Offwhite

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 6:49 am

amother OP wrote:

See, here's the thing. People posting here are reaching out for help with their finances because they are struggling. That's why maaser is brought up. Even for those who hold that maaser is a halacha, it's still a question of whether they should be giving when they themselves are not making ends meet.

It's not thay people are anti-maaser. When financially stable people on this site talk about maaser, there's no critique!

amother

Dustypink

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 6:53 am

I don't know anyone who hates on maaser.
We have 2 linked bank accounts and as soon as we get paid, 10% goes into our maaser account, which we no longer view as our money to use.

I will say however, that there have been times when we were very tight with money. We still separated the money into our maaser account but then we used it for ourselves.

BH we no longer need to do that.

amother

Marigold

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 7:53 am

amother OP wrote:

I’d want to know the details of your financial situation to be able to explain to you why people jump straight to wondering why you’re giving maaser.

amother

Yolk

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 7:54 am

amother OP wrote:

Again, do you ask before buying yogurt or other non-essentials when you owe someone money? Do you ask about eating chicken during the week? Are you not worried about theft? Or only if someone is giving tzedakah?

Of course everyone should be in contact with a Rav.

My question is why specifically when it comes to Maaser everyone is suddenly so holy and must ask a Rav if it is allowed.

Just to be clear I am very pro Maaser. and it's not about being holier than thou. Your concept seems to possibly be - Tefivilah bsheiritz Yado.

It's also possible that when I give my kids yogurts (which I usually don't buy) it might possible be considered maaser because I am giving it to family first....

It's not black and white and 2 wrongs don't make a right. The fact that I might potentially be doing something wrong, does not mean that someone who is giving a chomesh while in debt is right.

amother

Black

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 8:07 am

amother OP wrote:

No one at all has said giving maaser is morally repugnant. But if I poster comes on and says "I'm putting xyz necessary expense on a credit card here's my budget including maaser" and I was given a psak that it's assur and akin to stealing to give maaser while in debt, then yes I'm recommending you talk to a rav because you're potentially doing an aveira when trying to a mitzvah

amother

Lemonchiffon

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 8:29 am

amother OP wrote:

Because before you take hand outs or deprive your kids of a basic life you stop giving maaser. It only comes up when someone is not making it. People also go through how to cut down unnecessary expenses and budget better. No one ever says a person doing well shouldn’t give maaser and no one says cut out maaser but also live above your means. None of this happens. So why are you asking us to answer about something none of us do.

amother

Clover

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 8:35 am

amother OP wrote:

If its a choice between gashmius necessities and spiritual extras, the the former takes priority - even as per the Torah.

Additionally, if posters would be asking if they should scrimp for vacations on account of depriving basics for their family, I don't think anyone here ever supported that.

So I'm not sure how you've come to the conclusion here that we selectively beat up on maaser. We don't.

amother

Aster

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 8:56 am

amother OP wrote:

I see from your posts that you have no concept of how the other half lives.

Yes we do most of the above, my kids eat chicken thanks to Tomchei Shabbos, I don't think we have gone on vacation ever, think three times before buying Wal Mart shoes...poor people do all these things naturally, they don't need to be told.

I think you need to step out of your bubble a bit to acknowledge that there are people who are really struggling. (And you think our Rav is a dummy? He said no maaser because we have a mortgage? Seriously).

amother

Aster

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 8:59 am

amother OP wrote:

A lot of people here can't afford/don't have cleaning help. I have never been able to afford private therapists and have never been to Florida. And my son ended up with root canal because we couldn't afford a dentist. I don't know why you assume that people who are struggling are able to pay for these things.