TW: Sleeping guests for shabbos -child abuse safety

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 12:52 pm

I listened to the Mendy Pellin interview of the child abuser and I’m wondering now, when I have sleeping guests at my house for shabbos, say I have a basement, do I lock the basement door at night? Do I have my kids sleep in my room?

The whole idea of a person going into my kids room when they’re sleeping is very disturbing to me. We don’t have random guests stay, I know all of them, but just wondering how to secure my family because the abuser said he was mainly related to the kids and went into their bed when they were sleeping. Any tips welcomed

We do have doors to the outside downstairs too so they can technically go outside to get inside but I don’t want to overreact either

shabbatiscoming ↓

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 12:53 pm

Youd lock your sleeping guests into the basement? How is that normal or safe? Whaf if there is a fire?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 12:56 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Youd lock your sleeping guests into the basement? How is that normal or safe? Whaf if there is a fire?

I mentioned in my post that I have exits to the outside, 3 doors to the outside plus 5 large windows gd forbid in case of a fire. It’s basically a 3 bedroom apartment downstairs. No kitchen though but I would provide a fridge refreshments and water

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 12:58 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Youd lock your sleeping guests into the basement? How is that normal or safe? Whaf if there is a fire?

Normal is relative, it’s not normal for a rabbi to go into a kids room and arouse himself on them either but that’s what happened with the abuser and I’m trying to prevent situations like that. The only way we can is by talking about it

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 1:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

If I were a sleeping guest in someone's home I would feel very uneasy being locked out of the home I am visiting.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 1:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

100% normal to talk about.
But I dont think its normal to lock guests into the basemrnt.

amother

Tangerine ↓

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 1:35 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

100% normal to talk about.
But I dont think its normal to lock guests into the basemrnt.

They're not locked in. OP said that it's a separate apartment with separate entrances.

amother

↑ Tangerine ↓

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 1:36 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

If I were a sleeping guest in someone's home I would feel very uneasy being locked out of the home I am visiting.

There's nothing wrong with what OP wants to do. The basement is a separate apartment. They don't need access to OP's house in the night.
We have a guest room downstairs which can only be accessed from outside. Of course I lock my front door for the night. It's no different then what OP wants to do.

amother

RosePink ↓

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 1:39 pm

I’m pretty sure the interview you’re referring to was a father who abused his daughter…

↑ shabbatiscoming

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 1:39 pm

amother Tangerine wrote:

They're not locked in. OP said that it's a separate apartment with separate entrances.

No she said its "basically" an apartment. No kitchen. And I still hold by what I said.
I would find it very strange to be locked out of the home I was visiting.

amother

↑ Tangerine

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 1:41 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

No she said its "basically" an apartment. No kitchen. And I still hold by what I said.
I would find it very strange to be locked out of the home I was visiting.

OP said that she'd put a refrigerator, food, and water downstairs. This is a real typical shabbos guest apartment set up. There's access from the street. There's nothing wrong with this set up. Her guest don't need access to her house for the night.

cnc

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 3:12 pm

amother RosePink wrote:

I’m pretty sure the interview you’re referring to was a father who abused his daughter…

That was never stated outright - it was an assumption and there were additional victims as well.

my mama

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 3:41 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

Op I’d rather have my kids lock their rooms from the inside.

This is what I do. My kids lock their door whenever we have sleepover guests.

Busybee5

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 3:55 pm

amother Brunette wrote:

Op I’d rather have my kids lock their rooms from the inside.

Id be really scared to do this. What if they're fast asleep and there is a fire, you need to get the child out. We don't have any locks on the bedroom doors
We don't have sleeping guests either but just stating a concern of mine.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 3:58 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

No she said its "basically" an apartment. No kitchen. And I still hold by what I said.
I would find it very strange to be locked out of the home I was visiting.

I could be wrong but I think op is talking about people using her guest rooms
Not having her sister and bil and locking them in the basement for the night

amother

Azalea

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 4:35 pm

I have a guest room with a separate entrance and neighbors use it quite frequently for their guests. You bet I lock the door to my house when there are strangers in there. When it’s my guests I leave it unlocked.

Imabubby60

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 9:53 pm

I heard Rabbi Yakov Horowitz speak on the subject and that was his suggestion, to have guests only enter the home through the front door from their separate sleeping quarters ie basement apartment.

amother

Zinnia

Thu, Apr 04 2024, 10:18 pm

We stopped having a sleepover gustd for this reason. I literally could not sleep when we had people sleep over. It’s different if my kids have people they know sleepover. I mean I can’t be totally crazy but I don’t have random people call from. Seminaries and yeshivas. We are in Israel so we were hosting and then I learned how rampant abuse was and it was not control lucky make it to the room and we were in Israel didn’t have a ton of space anyway. So it was a good excuse just saying we don’t have sleeping room, but we were happy to have for meals.