Have to redo everything! Vent

amother

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:21 pm

Cuz don't wanna cause a fight with dh or make him feel bad. I'll just rewipe everything he is doing on my own Sad

AlwaysCleaning

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:29 pm

I used to be the same way..... I've learned to relax my standards a bit.... Also, not in the moment, I teach him how to properly do dishes (he ddnt realize you need to sponge down the outside of the bowls also)
Make sure to thank him for doing said task even if you redid it later to reinforce the behaviors you want more of. If he does the dishes and you yell at him that's all wrong or he catches you redoing it, he won't want to do it again.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

Cuz don't wanna cause a fight with dh or make him feel bad. I'll just rewipe everything he is doing on my own Sad

Why?

amother

Ecru

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:32 pm

Yup!!!👍
Except that I did make him feel bad yesterday and then he told me that he won’t help anymore- so… it’s not worth it to point out what they did wrong.

amother

Mustard

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:33 pm

My mother would point out that I'm doing things the "wrong way". It just made me stop what I'm doing & not help out anymore.
There's more than 1 good way to do things.

amother

Currant

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:42 pm

Am I missing something??

He's trying to help. Tell him what he needs to do to help properly.

Do you think he'd appreciate knowing that you redid everything again?

peace2

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:43 pm

I’m naturally good at cleaning and dh is not. I used to give him “helpful tips” for cleaning because I wanted things done my way and it was hurtful to him. Our setup now is if I want something done a specific way then I should do it. If it’s a small thing sometimes I’ll tell him. He did ask me to give him tips if it’s something that will make the job easier or more efficient for him. Otherwise I’ve learned to appreciate his willingness to help out and relaxed my standards a bit- and surprisingly my house is still clean and we both benefit from me being less uptight

AlwaysCleaning

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:46 pm

There's a nice way to point things out....
"hey, thanks for wiping the counters! Since I haven't wiped them in a day or 2, some of the food is nice and stuck on the counters so you really need to scrape to get it off."
Or
"thanks for washing the dishes! I just noticed some of the plates had gross stuff on the back, next time can you give a quick wash to the back of the plates as well?"

amother

Mustard

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 3:53 pm

AlwaysCleaning wrote:

I don't think this is a nice way of saying it as soon as he's done with the dishes or cleaning. It makes one not want to help again.
If something must be done your way,then do it yourself.

AlwaysCleaning

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 4:02 pm

amother Mustard wrote:

I don't think this is a nice way of saying it as soon as he's done with the dishes or cleaning. It makes one not want to help again.
If something must be done your way,then do it yourself.

See my first post.... I literally said not to say anything in the moment.
And I'll add, There's a difference between high standards and basic principles of cleaning. If DH cleaned the bathroom and the bathtub isn't sparkling..... Annoying but not worth it to say anything. If he did the dishes and there's literally food stuck on the dishes still, then you can say something nicely.

amother

Gladiolus

Mon, Apr 08 2024, 8:20 pm

AlwaysCleaning wrote:

My dh sometimes leaves grease on the dishes. I wipe it off with a napkin and say nothing. I'm grateful he does the dishes without being asked. (And tbh I don't always do a perfect job, esp if in a hurry or very tired. I wouldn't want dh to point out that I missed a spot, either.