The kids hate where we moved

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 9:43 am

Some of my kids hate where we moved to. We used to live in a small apartment in the center of town where they walked everywhere. Now we BH have a house but they need to get a ride to everything, because their school and most things are in the center of town. Technically you can walk into town about 20 min but it's not the most pleasant walk and at night it's a definite no no.
Also most of my husbands family moved away to another city.
The cost of houses in town were unaffordable so people either moved away or moved to this smaller community 20 min walk/5 min drive away. There are kids most of my kids ages in our new neighborhood, not their classmates or friends per se but friendly. None of the school functions are here though, there's no kosher stores or restaurants here. Everything needs to be arranged, carpooled etc.
Yesterday my 13 yr old daughter had an absolute meltdown. She hates living here, she's not near her cousins, she's not near her friends, everything has to be prearranged and figured out. Why did we decide to live in this stupid place bla bla bla.
I tried to empathize but it just fueled her further.

Wondering what you think I should say or do. I feel terrible! We made this move to improve their quality of life. We BH own a house now, we saved up for years to make this happen, and it seems like they would have rathered never move at all.

ETA: We moved 3 years ago

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 9:51 am

amother Lightcyan wrote:

How long ago did you move?
Give your kids time & space to feel & process. It's a major change for them & takes time getting used to.
Good luck!

We moved 3 years ago. As they get older, it seems to bother them more.

amother

Dill

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 10:15 am

amother OP wrote:

We moved 3 years ago. As they get older, it seems to bother them more.

Unfortunately we experienced the same. My kids who are older complain that living driving distance from everywhere makes their lives miserable and they hate that I bought my house . They would prefer the cramped apartment we lived in , close to everything and also with tons of other neighbors . I didn’t realize how much it affected them until they verbally told me (after many years). I really don’t think they would be happier in a cramped apartment . They were much younger and smaller then and didn’t need their space like they do now. It’s just the convenience and the access to their social world is limited and very frustrating. I understand them. I’m a city girl who had access to go everywhere and anywhere as a teen. My kids never got to experience that until they started driving and got their own cars. It’s hard . No advice.

amother

Acacia

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 11:11 am

Are you accommodating when it comes to giving rides or allowing kids to do sleepovers or ordering Ubers? They must just feel isolated and lonely. Try to do everything that you can to make it easier for them, whether it’s picking them up from a friend late at night or maybe host a bunch of friends by you and make it fun. Try using your larger space as an advantage that maybe the city kids would enjoy and look forward to. Maybe buy a trampoline. I don’t know how old your kids are so maybe that isn’t appropriate but try to add positivity to the move.

amother

Obsidian

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 11:26 am

A 20 minute walk is nothing!

I live 6 plus miles away from my kids schools and most friends.
Thats a 15 -20 minute car ride without traffic.( At night, early morning)

And bh my kids and teens love it here.
We have space and quiet neighborhood.

amother

Geranium

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 11:37 am

That sounds hard for your teens, but just know that long term, you made the right decision. I grew up in a cramped apartment with minimal personal space (not my parents choice, they didn’t have money to move) and I hated it! Amongst other things, when my friends came over we had no private place to hang out. As kids, they wouldn’t have noticed the small apartment as much, but as teenagers it would bother them more than they realize.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 11:37 am

We accommodate with rides and Ubers but it's not always practical. The kids in town don't enjoy coming out here because it also needs to be arranged. The area that they need to walk or bike through is kind of seedy. During the day time in groups of 2+ it's ok but after dark or alone it's not really safe. With girls it's harder than the boys.
They want to be independent and just hang out at the ice cream store after school and just walk home or whatever, like their friends.
They are friendly with neighbors and my house is always open for playdates but everything is happening in town.

amother

Dandelion

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 12:00 pm

You still did the right thing. The main thing is to remember that you are an adult with a mind that can see a much broader perspective then a young teen. 13 year olds are defining their world. Part of that is looking around and seeing what isn't working for them. That is normal and fine. But for you as the mom of this family a larger home was the right thing for you. You sympathized and understood her. The only thing that is fueling her is your lack of confidence.

ShishKabob

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 12:01 pm

amother Dandelion wrote:

This, hugs op

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Apr 09 2024, 12:07 pm

Would you think of renting out this house and moving back to where your kids were happier?
I know someone who moved and their kids were MISERABLE. The family moved back to the first place even though the parents didnt love it, but the kids thrived once again.