Almost one year covering and it’s so hard bc…

amother

Thu, Apr 25 2024, 11:14 pm

My wigs are more beautiful than my hair but it’s not MINE. When I take it off my hair isn’t nearly as beautiful as the wig. Before marriage my hair was beautiful. I would blow dry it or wear a certain half up style that can’t be done with a wig according to several experts. I have difficult hair texture that gets frizzed easily and is also flat. Maybe if I did permanent straightening like Japanese my hair would look nicer under the wig but I can’t afford it at the moment. I even tried keratin but it washed out from the Mikva water. I feel like I’m not so beautiful to my husband without my wigs. He would never say that, but he does love my wigs. And even with a tichel my hair is still icky underneath. At least with a baby fall or wig I feel more like myself outside. If I couldn’t wear a fall or wig I would have a bigger issue with the mitzvah. I wouldn’t feel right giving up hair covering but it’s becoming harder as I am getting closer to my one year of marriage, not easier. I hope this will bring my marriage blessing bc of how hard it is.

amother

Fri, Apr 26 2024, 9:18 am

amother Lilac wrote:

Would it help to select wigs that are not quite so beautiful? Or to give up on wigs and wear beautiful hats or headscarves instead?

No. It would make me struggle and probably not be able to handle covering the hair. The way I survive this challenge is by consoling myself that the not my hair is pretty. I don’t wear waist length “super out there” wigs. In fact one looks a lot like my hair before I started covering, the texture is just nicer and unlike natural hair doesn’t frizz up.

Dolly Welsh

Wed, May 01 2024, 5:33 pm

Maybe a dye job would fill in your hair's cuticle, and give it some guts and oomph that you say has left it. While of course still wearing your gorgeous wigs.

My private opinion is you have simply aged. Nobody keeps fabulous young hair forever. Even if you don't look any older you in fact are a year older. Hair shows age long, long, before skin does. You have thirty years of excellent skin ahead of you.

You might have a very cropped head under the wig but with interesting dye job or painting. Only he would see that. He might find that nice.

A frum woman has the option of any hair she wants to the end of life and that is pretty good. I happen to wear synthetics and love them. You might play with some freakier synthetics just for very private moments at home.

amother

Jean

Wed, May 01 2024, 7:15 pm

I have hated covering my hair since sheva brachos. I don't understnad the halacha and have zero appreciation for it. I only do it for DH and there are times (often) that I feel like I would rather have married someone who wasn't looking for a wife that would cover. Reading that it will bring me brachos annoys me because there's no way to prove it. Maybe brachos came to me in the zechus of me gtting manicures every week.

Your hair didnt aged 10 years in 1 year. The fact is that to keep it healthy, it needs to be uncovered as much as possible at home. I do that, and I use a lot of hair treatments that work for my hair type, which BH have worked to restore some of the hair loss and bring back my curls and shine. But I still feel resentful every time I put on my wig or tichel.