S/o judging other parents

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 2:58 am

Every parent does things you wouldn't do.

Every parent does things they shouldn't do.

Unless you really suspect that a child is being abused give parents around you the benefit of the doubt and the grace to just be imperfect.

Hopefully other ppl will do the same for you.

#BestBubby

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:37 am

People on the left are very intolerant of anyone with a different opinion.

If you give your kids a potch you are an abuser
But if you sterilize your kids and cut off their body parts you are a hero.

amother

Tealblue

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:39 am

#BestBubby wrote:

People on the left are very intolerant of anyone with a different opinion.

If you give your kids a potch you are an abuser
But if you sterilize your kids and cut off their body parts you are a hero.

While true, I don't think this is the topic of this post

amother

Wine

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:48 am

#BestBubby wrote:

People on the left are very intolerant of anyone with a different opinion.

If you give your kids a potch you are an abuser
But if you sterilize your kids and cut off their body parts you are a hero.

This is at best absurd.

I am on the right and if I’m being honest, I am quite judgmental.

#BestBubby

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:48 am

It is relevant.

Those who are the most critical of other parents on this site are those who do leftist parenting.

If you give a child a single potch....abuser

If you yell at your child......abuser

If you insist on child doing chores......parentifier

If you sleep train......abuser

amother

Tealblue

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:51 am

#BestBubby wrote:

This post has nothing to do with political views so it's irrelevant.

amother

Tealblue

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:56 am

We can corolate how judgemental people are based on age, location, community, or eye color as well. And those would be irrelevant to the point if this post. The OP is addressing the Midda of judging and reminding us that everyone is different, not discussing who Judges the most.

#BestBubby

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:57 am

amother Wine wrote:

This is at best absurd.

I am on the right and if I’m being honest, I am quite judgmental.

I am judgmental, but I don't call those who disagree with me "abusers".

But I still recognize that other people have the right to bring up their children according their opinion.

The ones who do the modern parenting are the ones who call anyone who disagrees "abusers".

amother

Glitter

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:01 am

Also, there is plenty of room to be bad parents without being abusive.

Bad parenting should always be avoided. But calling bad parenting abusive is silly and unhelpful. Calling "anything that my patents did that hurt my feelings"= "emotional abuse" is inaccurate and unhelpful.

On the other hand, people who have suffered from bad parenting should be sympathised with, not told "well just be glad it wasn't abuse, forgive them and move on".

amother

Forsythia

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 6:11 am

Following the Torah way of parenting will always keep you on track.
Parents are not their kids friends or slaves but educators and guides.
Kids have an obligation to do for their parents kibud Ov Veim (but husband comes first).
Kids are born with positive and negative traits, parents are obligated to teach kids right from wrong. We are punished for our kids sins up until girl 12 boy 13 because we must teach them the Torah way of life.
Too many parents go with the flow and expect the school system to educate the children, it doesn't work. It's our obligation.

May we all see lots of nachas from our children.

amother

Glitter

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:28 am

#BestBubby wrote:

People on the left are very intolerant of anyone with a different opinion.

If you give your kids a potch you are an abuser
But if you sterilize your kids and cut off their body parts you are a hero.

The truth is that if a kid loves and respects his/her parents, the parent can potch (or even more physical punishment) and the kid won't hate the parent for it.

If the kid already dislikes and does not respect the parent, and the parent potches the kid, the potch will make the child hate the parent and feel absolute disgust for him/her.

Many parents mistakenly think that whipping their children will cause their children to respect them, but it is the opposite: if the child already respects the parent, then the parent can whip the child without ruining the relationship, but if the child already dislikes the parent and the parent whips the child, it will only make the child hate the parent and likely cut him/her off as an adult.

This is why there is such a paradox of some adults saying stuff like "I was whipped with a belt and I love my parents, I wasn't abused!" And other adults just got one smack with a hand and say "I was abused and I don't respect my parents to this day!". The first group of people loved and respected their parents before they were punished, the second group didn't.

Back in the 50s, 60s, 70s, parents punished harder, but they also encouraged their childrens independence, so there was less disrespect. In the 80s, 90s and early 00's, whipping with a belt/paddle was replaced with 1 smack, but it was done by helicopter parents saying "nooooo don't go on that swing little Johnny, you could fall off and get hurt! Noooo little johnny don't do that! Nooooo little Johnny, don't do that!" Then they give the kid a small smack and the kid hates them, well duh.

amother

Melon

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 11:20 am

amother Glitter wrote:

It's true that a parent who is loving and earns their kids respect and trust but also hits, is better than a parent who is neglectful and unstable but doesn't hit.

But hitting kids is still wrong.

amother

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 11:22 am

This is not what I had in mind. This is another judgemental thread. Stop the judging.

amother

Melon

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 11:36 am

amother OP wrote:

This is not what I had in mind. This is another judgemental thread. Stop the judging.

I believe hitting is wrong, but I dont think everyone who patches is shameful or a worse parent than me. I'm not "judging," I'm disagreeing.

OP, It's not judgemental believe that one way of parenting is better than another or to disagree with other people's values, or to have a discussion about it.

Having opinions and discussing them civilly is like the essence of being a thinking, conscientious person. Its how we evolve and improve on our ideas and allows us to grow and change as people and as a society.

That's why free speech is the most important right in the constitution. Preventing speech is essentially preventing thaught.

So it's important to not call every person who disagrees with someone "judgemental"

ETA

I have no idea what this thread is a S/O of, but I absolutely agree with everything you wrote in your OP.

amother

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 12:45 pm

amother Melon wrote:

I'm talking about judging specific ppl: your neighbor, your sister in law, the lady in the grocery, your friend etc...

amother

Melon

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 12:55 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm talking about judging specific ppl: your neighbor, your sister in law, the lady in the grocery, your friend etc...

Can you clarify what you mean by judge?

My brother patches.

I don't like it. I don't agree with it.

But I don't say anything, (because he didn't ask my opinion, and I don't think it would change anything) and I still love my brother and think he's a good person. I get why he does it and I don't think it comes from a bad place. Maybe just an unhealed, misinformed place.

Im I doing something wrong? Am I not allowed disagree with the actions of a specific person?