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-> Chinuch, Education & Schooling
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amother
OP
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 Fri, May 10 2024, 5:13 pm
I'm going crazy over this and I need to figure out what to do. My kid is in KG now. Her birthday is at the end of September. She's one of the very youngest in her class, the majority of the class is at least 6 months older than her, to over a year older. She's by nature a more timid and anxious kid, took her a while to start participating in the singing and circle time etc. Til today she usually won't join in the class singing, the motions, things like that. But she takes it all in, comes home and sings all the songs, tells me all the parsha stories, knows all her Aleph Bais, knew the whole alphabet before she even started kg. She's very bright and with it. I spoke with her Morah, she feels she's doing great, not worried about her at all, feels she keeps up and has friends and plays nicely, doesn't feel there's any need to keep back.
My concern is- I'm happy she's doing well now but what happens in 3rd and 4th and 5th grade when the schoolwork really starts getting complex, and everyone else is older and getting things quicker and more rambunctious than her? I was a November kid myself and while I managed fine in English cuz I read a ton and had the schema, I was totally lost in Hebrew. Type that I got a gimmel on a first grade report card for heaven's sake. I always was a little lost, struggled in kriah, had no idea what was going on. I never ever want that for my kid. I know a lot of stories of kids who really could have used being held back, and struggled cuz they didn't. But on the other hand, the Morah feels she's doing fine. Am I going overboard if I hold her back anyway? My feeling is, why not let her be the oldest? Why not give her that advantage? On the other hand, she will totally get it that everyone else went to Pre1A and she didn't - she's not totally clueless. But maybe in the scheme of things that's minor, over the rest of her school career.
Anyone else been in this boat? What did you do?
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amother
Holly
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:19 pm
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If the teacher isn't concerned I wouldn't. You can always repeat pre 1 a if needed.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:20 pm
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I did discuss with her Morah. She wasn't concerned. But my concern is long-term, not how she'll do in pre1a
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amother
Wallflower
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:23 pm
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Holding my child back and giving them the extra time developmentally was the best thing I did. Especially for social emotional development. You can fill in the gaps for a child who is bored in class, it's much harder to fill in the gaps when the social or emotional skills aren't up to the needs. It's not like there is a diagnosis and the child will need help regardless, the extra time to grow into herself can be a huge gift.
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amother
Peony
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:24 pm
My daughter is the last week of August, I always prefer to have her as the oldest in the class than the youngest, better she shouldn't lag behind.
I would strongly consider holding her back now instead of needing to do it in middle school
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amother
Ballota
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:24 pm
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I sent to primary and we reevaluated at the end of the year.
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amother
Ivory
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:25 pm
It's funny you're worried about the older grades, usually at the point the months don't matter that much. And she will probably have girls in her class who are summer babies and close in she to her.
I would go with what the morahs says. September is not November. She might be really bored doing kindergarten again.
I was a November baby like you, also struggled with Hebrew subjects but not English. I don't think it has anything to do with my birthday, languages are just harder for me. I'm smart and always did very well in English. I don't see how being in the grade below would have helped my Hebrew at all.
Regardless I decided to leave my kids back but they are November / December. For September I would default to not leaving back unless there's an issue.
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amother
Ballota
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:25 pm
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But I sent to a large school that divides by birthday so the other kids were around her age
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amother
Ivory
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:27 pm
| amother Peony wrote: | My daughter is the last week of August, I always prefer to have her as the oldest in the class than the youngest, better she shouldn't lag behind.
I would strongly consider holding her back now instead of needing to do it in middle school |
August? Sounds like she's going to be a good few months older than everyone else. Is there a reason you held her back besides wanting her being the oldest?
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amother
Tanzanite
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:27 pm
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I would hold back for the developmental part. It's very important. Maybe discuss it with the principal.
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amother
Crystal
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:37 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I did discuss with her Morah. She wasn't concerned. But my concern is long-term, not how she'll do in pre1a |
Your concerns sound academic but it seems like your daughter is even advanced in that area so why are you assuming she’ll have issues later?
As to why not to hold back, if she’s advanced in academics she’ll be bored next year and if you’re thinking really long term, I think it’s valuable for a girl to come home from seminary almost 19 rather than almost 20. There’s less pressure in figuring out your job and starting shidduchim.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:37 pm
| amother Tanzanite wrote: | | I would hold back for the developmental part. It's very important. Maybe discuss it with the principal. |
Yeah, setting up a meeting with her is our next step.
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amother
cornflower
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:39 pm
Been there done that. Unless your daughter is exceptionally brilliant academically, by which I mean 2-4 grades above her age, and leaving her back literally isn’t an option- for sure leave her back and make her the oldest.
Although I’ll admit I’m confused, what is the cutoff where you are? September birthdays usually aren’t the youngest by 6 months. It’s more Oct-Dec.
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amother
Hotpink
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:40 pm
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I am a January baby months after my class and I never struggled . This new found fascination with making your kid the oldest is strange and misguided. Being one or two months behind another kid doesn’t make the child struggle , the curriculum is the same. If the child didn’t meet basic requirements then hold back but not because she’s a September birthday.
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amother
Saddlebrown
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:41 pm
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I was a December baby. I didn’t stay back another year and while I was perfectly fine academically, I did always feel I was a year behind in emotional and social development. I was friends with the girls in the grade under me more than the ones in my grade even in high school because I related to them more.
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amother
cornflower
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:41 pm
| amother cornflower wrote: | Been there done that. Unless your daughter is exceptionally brilliant academically, by which I mean 2-4 grades above her age, and leaving her back literally isn’t an option- for sure leave her back and make her the oldest.
Although I’ll admit I’m confused, what is the cutoff where you are? September birthdays usually aren’t the youngest by 6 months. It’s more Oct-Dec. |
And OP I to add on that you’re totally right that the issue isn’t going to be in Pre1a. The teachers also told me in nursery, kindergarten, pre-1a not to hold my kid back because he wasn’t 100% doing great. In the next few years the problems started showing. Not in academics, but socially and emotionally. Being the oldest is a major advantage, might as well give it to her. She’s in kindergarten, even if she realizes she is repeating she’s not old enough for it to affect her emotionally or socially. Just never tell her she was held back, because that’ll become part of her identity. Tell her she did her first year of kindergarten early so she did it twice, which is mostly true.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 10 2024, 5:41 pm
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I believe the cutoff is Dec 30th. But happens to be at least 2/3 of the class is just much older than her. I guess it was just our luck that this year all the kids have bdays much earlier in the year.
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amother
cornflower
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Fri, May 10 2024, 6:07 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I believe the cutoff is Dec 30th. But happens to be at least 2/3 of the class is just much older than her. I guess it was just our luck that this year all the kids have bdays much earlier in the year. |
Ok this changes things a little. Your daughter is not even close to the cutoff.which means generally speaking the social and academic expectations teachers have if her should be appropriate for her age. Are the girls in her class more than a year older than her or do they just all happen to have birthdays consolidated in the first few months of the same birth year that she was born in?
Also? Is she going to be way way older than the girls in the class she would switch into?
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amother
Leaf
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Fri, May 10 2024, 6:15 pm
Some things to consider in addition to everything mentioned above:
Is your family generally earlier or later to hit puberty? It can be very hard on a kid to be the firs to develop, especially girls. Getting a period and breasts in 4th or 5th grade can be really really isolating and embarrassing.
Does your child/family have a very independent side to them? This also can be a challenge when they feel “older” socially and they’re not the “follower type” who can just lay low. They are light years ahead of everyone else, at least in their own heads.
Lastly, if there are signs of ADHD, sometimes you just need to get that kid out of school!
I regretted the extra year for one of my kids who had all of the above.
Obviously you can’t know a lot of this early on, but I have a baby in the same situation and plan to do it differently if she seems similar to my other one in personality.
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amother
Bottlebrush
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Fri, May 10 2024, 6:24 pm
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I was always on the holding back team for my kids but I see a different side now. I have a friend who really regrets holding her daughters back. They matured earlier than their friends physically and socially. They are really struggling in middle school as everyone in the class is much more babyish then them.
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